Endless Daylight
by Princess Bertha
Summary: A few years after Breaking Dawn, Leah has to start dealing with her emotions. As she gets closer to Jacob, and befriends Rosalie and Alice, can she start accepting her changing life and relationships? Blackwater!
1. Chapter 1

Yeah, so I pretty much just hate men. That's basically all there is to it. All of them. Even you.

Oh. Wait. He can't hear me right now. So thinking at him isn't working. Spend too much time in wolf form and you forget that in human form, your brothers can't hear you. _Brothers_. Huh.

Jacob is melted into the chair across from me. Between the two of us, this aisle is blocked. Our legs are too long. It doesn't help that most of his body is drooped as low in the chair as possible. He's staring at the ceiling. Bored out of his mind, or else dreaming of his ladylove. Who happens to be three. And it's not like I even asked him to come with me today. At least he's being quiet and not calling me "short stuff'—clearly just rubbing salt in my wounds.

The perky salesgirl has returned. She bounces over to us, arms loaded with the boxes I asked for. "We have your size!" she exclaims when she's about five feet from me. She says it like it's a miracle, like she's performed a miracle in the backroom to make these shoes appear in _my_ size.

She's taking them out of the box and showing them to me. Now she's putting them on my feet. She keeps cocking her head and looking at me and then at Jake. "Are you guys brother and sister? Do you play basketball?"

"No, and no." I say. I try to say it happily, to smile as I speak so my voice sounds pleasant. I am actually pleased about the shoes. Anyway, the shoe girl is female, so my especial hatred isn't directed toward her anyway.

"Ooooh but you're both so tall! I'm _sooo _jealous!" she giggles, latching the last buckle into place.

God I hate her. First of all, her stupid oooh-ing and ahhhh-ing reminds me of Bella, whom I cannot stand, the dumb skank, and secondly, this girl is all of about 5'2. Making her nearly a foot shorter than I am. I really, actually, truly cannot stand short girls. I try to tell myself that its not their fault, that they did not ask to be "cute" any more than I asked to be tall. No, the reason that I hate short girls is that they all parade around with their tall boyfriends, guys my height, or even a little taller. And I hate them because they are feminine and "adorable" and pint-size and can be picked up and carried around and they giggle and… God.

But I take a deep breath and focus on the shoes. They are beautiful. A deep purple, strappy, with very, very high heels. I stand, admiring my feet.

"What do you think, Jake?" I ask, not really caring what he says.

He opens his eyes slowly and regards me slowly. He blinks. "I think you're confused." He pauses, relaxed, affecting an "I can really take as long as I want to speak" sort of persona. "You spent half the ride over here bitching about how tall you are, and now you're buying four inch heels. Explain the logic of _that_ to me."

I roll my eyes. Men can be so dense. "My _problem_, Jacob, is that guys, for the most part, are too short. Not that I am too tall."

"O…kay," he says, clearly being a dumbass just to annoy me. "And now you are going to tower even more over them, so why don't you just get some shoes that don't add to your height and let's _please_ get out of here?"

"It's not about that." I am really angry right now, and I don't exactly know why. I'd say it was PMS, but oh yeah, don't have _that _problem anymore, either. "High heels are feminine and sexy and maybe _I _ want to have something in my life that is feminine! Maybe I want my legs to look good! Maybe I just want to be a freaking _girl_ for once!" It comes out a lot louder than I intended. And sharper, but since I am always sharp with my words, he probably won't have noticed.

Now the bastard is moving his lips around, like he's trying to pick food out of his teeth with his tongue. Clearly, as always, just trying to piss me off. He stands. Even with the shoes he's still taller than I am. He smiles and says, "Let's go, then, if you've finally made up your mind." He even grabs my other bags from the pile next to our chairs.

The sales girl has put my old shoes, the worn-out sneakers I came in, into the box. I'm wearing my new purple pumps out. Because, dammit, if I want to wear high heels, I will. Because I'm a girl. And because if I spend my entire life in ballet flats and sneakers, well, that's like admitting that I'm too tall. And I'm not. 6 foot is a perfectly respectable height for a female werewolf. Not that there are any others for me to compare myself too, but women tend to be shorter than men, and I am shorter than all the male werewolves. I am _the smallest_ werewolf. And anyway, there _are_ girls my height or even taller, so its not like I am a complete freak of nature.

Actually, yes I am.

I'm not even really a woman anymore, am I? Well, am I?

I hand my gift card over to the salesgirl. She swipes it and informs me that I still have 14.07 left. She smiles perkily. As if there were anything for sale in Nordstrom for 14.07.

* * *

We're in the car now. My purchases, save the shoes, are all in the trunk. Jacob is driving way too quickly, but its fun. I guess driving a Ferrari slowly would sort of defeat the purpose. And let's face it—it's a nice car. It'd be nicer if the interior didn't reek of Leech, but the smell doesn't bother me quite as much as it used to. Not that I will ever tell anyone. I'm so used to it wafting on my baby brother, Captain Leech Lover himself, and Jacob, of course, who spends nearly every waking second with their Spawn. Except today, when Mr. and Mrs. "We're, Like, So In Love" wanted to have some time with their daughter, leaving Jacob free. And to keep him from moping, they lent him the Ferrari. And so here we are.

Which doesn't really explain why I was in Nordstrom of all places, spending the gift card. The one that had been tossed in the chest of drawers in my old room at my mother's house. The one I swore I'd never use. I don't accept gifts from Leeches. The short one, Alice, had given it to me more than a year ago. The first time they gave me clothes, I floated them down the river. Couldn't stand the smell. I wonder if _Alice_ (I have to keep reminding myself to use their names) knew, what with her freaky-ass abilities and all that. Then one day she gave me the gift card, so I could "pick out some new clothes for myself." At Nordstrom. For an obscene amount of money. Actually, not obscene to the Cullens, probably pocket change to them, really, but to me, it was a lot. Way, way too much to spend on clothes. And anyway, nice, Nordstrom-type clothes aren't really my thing right now, what with phasing to wolf every five minutes. I really hope the boys realize how lucky they for being able to run around it just cut-offs. Try being a woman in her early twenties managing that. It's not that girls can't wear _skimpy_ clothes, oh no, but the whole bra-and-panties thing is really, really awkward. Another reason I hate men.

So why the hell would I want to get clothes from Nordstrom? So I could shred them the second I phased? I left the card in my drawer, buried right next to the necklace _he _had given me our senior year of high school. And then I had left for some Happy Fun Wolf Time in Canada.

I'd needed some time, and I had had it. Loosing myself in wolf form wasn't as complete as I had hoped. The whole "eating raw meat" thing was a serious drag. At meal times I always remembered I was human. So I had come back. Check in on Seth and mom, you know….. Make sure Jacob hadn't done anything really ungodly stupid without his Second around to look after him. That sort of thing.

Jacob really didn't say much when I came back. Seth had heard me when I got close enough, and had phased back to human and told our mom that "Guess what? Leah's back!" or something equally exuberant. The boy has an endless supply of enthusiasm.

I found the gift card the other day. And I decided that, yeah, I'd like some clothes that make me look like an actual woman. An actual woman like I used to be, back before I phased the first time.

Part of me was actually glad Jacob had volunteered to drive me. I did sort of like riding in the Ferrari. Almost as much as he liked driving it. Anything to take his mind off his 3 year old girlfriend.

I'm not going to lie, Renesmee freaks me out. Her growth is slowly decelerating, so she only looks 8 now. In four years, she'll reach her maturity. Meaning she will be a fully functioning adult female. Kind of not like me. I'd laugh but then Jacob would hear me laughing to myself and would ask me why and I'd have to tell him and he'd get pissy that I was laughing about his sweetheart. Not that he thinks of her that way. Nessie's not old enough to be in love, so Jacob's really not in love with her. It's as if in that way, he's 8 years old, too. Well, at least his lady will be mature in four years. Quil's darlin' is only 5, and since she's an actual human (remember those?) she's got quite a ways to go before she's mature.

Still, considering who her parents are, Renesmee's actually pretty decent. Not that I've somehow become "pro-imprinting" or anything. God, no. I think some of them thought that once I was "in on it," once I knew what Sam was and why he'd left me for my beautiful cousin, that I'd somehow forgive him. Aha. I was hearing his thoughts, for crying out loud. Between Sam's thoughts playing through my brain and the knowledge that mine and my brother's transformation very likely caused the heart attack that killed our father, my life was not looking too good.

And my pack brothers wonder why I'm such a bitch.

I sigh loudly and sink down further into the seat. Jake smiles next to me, shifting to a lower gear and clearly thinking about Renesmee.

"You'll see her soon," I tell him. Trying to be sociable. It's something I have to work on.

"Actually, Tiny, I wasn't thinking about Nessie. I was thinking about you, and how you're back."

I roll my eyes. _Suuuuuure_ he was, if by "how you're back" what he means is "how I will see Nessie the Vampire Spawn tonight. And play Candy Land with her." They could make it a double-date with Quil and Claire. Claire. Could this pack get any more incestual? Claire is Emily's niece. Emily is my cousin.

My cousin. That bastard, he imprinted on _my cousin_. And now I hate her, and no one wants to hate their cousin. No one wants to look at a family member and be secretly, in a very, very small part of herself, kind of glad that their perfect, beautiful cousin had half her body shredded.

Yeah, Sam really loved hearing those thoughts.

* * *

Jacob drops me at my house. My mother's house, actually. He's going to return the Ferrari to the Casa de Leeches and see if Spawn is back from her day with her Useless Parents. Yes, that's a proper noun now. Seth bounds out of the house, eager to talk to Jacob, and willing to carry in my packages. He's a senior in high school now, but he still looks like a dorky kid to me. I guess our little brothers always do. We head into the house.

* * *

Author's Note: More to come! Leah still has to start dealing with the evolving relationships between the huge cast of characters that Stephanie Meyer has given us. Will she become less bitter? Will she find love, or even friendship? Will she start dealing with all those things she's kept buried? I suppose we will have to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

I open my eyes. Slowly. I really don't want to be awake. The room is already filled with light. Anywhere else, the light would be yellow, but here in La Push it's green, making my room glow eerily. It's home—exactly where I don't want to be.

I sit up, very slowly. The twin bed doesn't really work for me, but I shouldn't complain, since I'm still the shortest of the wolves. How cute, Little Leah… yeah, right. If I were actually little, instead of just _relatively_ little, then it'd be okay. I'm not "cute." Emily is "cute."

And here I thought I got all of this out of my system on yesterday's shopping trip. Still, as condescending as I find it when Jacob teases me about being "small," well… At least when I stand next to him or my other pack brothers, I feel normal again.

It's passed 10 when I make my appearance in the kitchen. Mom's already awake and has breakfast made—in huge quantities. My brother is at the small dining room table, happily chomping away. I start filling up a plate.

"Good morning, sweetie," my mom says, going on tiptoes to kiss my cheek. I move my mouth into a smile (or is it a grimace? I need to work on that.) Her brown eyes are still tinged with sadness, but less so than when I went away. I wonder if it's a permanent thing for her—the hint of sorrow. She doesn't talk about it with me, or maybe it's that I don't talk about it with her.

I have to look away. For the first few years, not thinking about my dad's death was easy. Easier than I thought it would be. Especially as a wolf. And anytime it surfaced, I could just focus on how much I hate Sam, the girlfriend-abandoning bastard. But lately, I've been thinking about Dad more. Its one of the reasons I came back. I thought somehow that being back in the house, back with my family, would make things… _better. _If I had known it was going to be this hard, I would have stayed a wolf.

Seth's onto his second (or third?) helping. I sit down across from him and start eating. God, I really am hungry. And human food, well, it's pretty good. A hell of a lot better than raw deer. Honestly, I don't know how the bloodsuckers manage.

Mom's fussing around in the kitchen. Moving things around. Is she nervous about something?

"Charlie's coming over for breakfast," Seth hisses in a very loud stage whisper. He even throws a wink in. Kid can be kind of amusing, when he's not annoying me to death (then again, he's a man, he can't help it—the annoying part.) Mom pretends she doesn't hear. Hmm. Charlie. So that explains some of the sorrow that's missing from her eyes.

"Oh, hey, Leah," he starts again. Clearly pretending to be casual, like this idea just popped into his mind. Whatever he's about to say, I am sure he's been thinking about it all morning, if not longer.

"I was, uh, going to go over to the Cullen's today," he's trying to sound casual. And I'm trying not to throw up my breakfast at the mention of the Leech Family. "I mean, um, with Jacob, you know, and, uh, I was thinking, well, we we're thinking," he's not looking me in eyes, either, but staring at a fixed point over my left shoulder. And blinking a lot. It's actually kind of fun seeing him so flustered. He clears his throat and starts again, louder. "Jacob and I were thinking that maybe you'd like to come with us. To show Alice your new clothes."

He adds that last part on quietly, lamely. Like he knows it has a snowball's chance in hell of convincing me. And he almost doesn't. It's that last part that gets me. Maybe I'm not a complete bitch after all, maybe some residual part of me realizes it's polite to thank someone for a gift. Or maybe, quite simply, it's because Alice is a girl, and I don't exactly spend a lot of my time talking to girls anymore. It might be _nice_, even if she is a filthy bloodsucker. Because at least the leeches are in on our secret.

Another thing that vanished when I became a wolf. Any semblance of female friends. The girls whose shoulders I cried on, who brought me chocolate and chick-flicks and burned _him_ in effigy with me after he ripped out my heart and stomped on it, the girls I used to tell everything to… the girls I barely speak to now. I haven't talked to them since I came back to La Push. What's the point? Our friendship broke when _he_, that bastard, put the unbreakable command in my brain. I can't tell them my secret, and since being a wolf is a full-time job, well, we have nothing to talk about. Joining the Pack wasn't such a hardship for the boys—they have all their friends there. The irony of Sam destroying my friendships with the girls who tried to help me get over him isn't lost on me. Part of the tragedy is that it was working. I was getting over him. Until I was forced to spend hours hearing his stupid little thoughts. Ugh.

I hate men.

I could always hang out with the girls and women the other wolves have imprinted on… but really, I have nothing to say to Emily. Whatsoever. At all.

"Yeah, okay, whatever," I say, a little too quickly. Seth's jaw literally drops and I can see half-chewed sausage and eggs floating around in his mouth. "Ew, Seth, close your damn mouth, that's gross." I go back to eating my own breakfast. Really, as much as it sucks being home, nothing beats my mom's cooking. No wonder Charlie is entranced. I snort and nearly choke on my eggs thinking about it. Seth looks up in wonderment at this show of mirth on my part—still clearly not over my acceptance of his offer. He probably thinks I was being sarcastic. Wonder where he got _that _impression?

But it _is_ slightly amusing to think about what Mom and Charlie talk about when they spend all this time together. I mean, I assume they talk about Dad, since the both really loved him. But then they probably move on to discuss their freaky mythological kids. 'Leah's running around Canada right now, frightening hikers and eating deer!' I can hear my mom say. To which Charlie responds, 'Well, that's nothing. Bella and her lovebunny went hunting mountain lions the other day. And my granddaughter continues to be the scariest thing on Planet Earth.'

I'm actually laughing to myself now. Imagining Charlie refer to _Edward_ as Bella's 'lovebunny' just about sets me over the edge. I wonder briefly about how much of Bella's life Charlie actually knows anything about.

"Leah, you're laughing?" It's a question.

"Yeah, dweeb, it's called having a sense of humor," I roll my eyes at him. He swallows audibly.

"So Jacob said I should give him a call as soon as I, I mean we, are ready… he'll meet up with us on the run over." Nice change-of-subject, little brother, but you lose points for still not knowing if I am coming with you or not.

"So we are going over in wolf form? Great. I love getting dressed in the forest," I sigh. This complicates things.

* * *

We stop within sight of the house. I go behind some bushes to phase and untie the tiny bag I managed to tie to my ankle. Just because Jacob and Seth walk around in their trashy little cutoffs… Ew.

I'm tired of being the slightly more female version of a male shape-shifter.

I stomp through the shrubbery in, yes, my four inch purple patent leather pumps. With little twigs stuck to them. Take that, fleeing femininity! Jacob is standing there, fastening his shorts. He's grown up a lot, or rather, he's grown into himself. It was kinda weird when he was 16 and looked a decade older. I look away. Staring unfocusedly at your half-naked Alpha isn't really considered polite. Besides, its actually kind of creepy. I'm not _that _deprived, am I? (Actually, yes I am. Oh, God, how low can I fall?) Good thing Mr. Nessie didn't notice me looking, or I'd never hear the end of it.

He has, however, noticed that I am standing there.

"Nice shoes, Tiny," he drawls, looking at my feet. I roll my eyes. "And here I thought you'd have nowhere to wear them."

"At least one of us wants to be civilized." Wait, that makes me wonder… is Jacob wedded to those shorts because it makes him uncivilized, unCullen? It would make sense, since he started doing it back before Skanky McSkanky married her, heh, lovebunny… love_leechy_. It would certainly set Jake apart, highlight how masculine he is.

It must just be habit now. I doubt that half-vampire spawn cares what he wears.

Note to self: stop thinking about how creepy Spawn is, because her daddy will hear you and glare at you.

Seth and Jacob are already halfway up the lawn. I inhale, filling my lungs with the less-smelly air of the outside (I tell myself their scent has probably permeated the yard, but it might just be my imagination). The boys don't even knock, just barge on in. I guess the Cullens are used to it—ever since Nessie was born, Jake and Seth have sort of been a permanent fixture in the house.

The smell hits me and I try not to gag. It's much, much stronger wafting off the actual leeches than in the diluted form I'm used to smelling on my pack. A few of the vampires are standing around their big, empty, creepy "living" room. I see the big one, Emmett, standing there in that non-moving way leeches have. The blonde baby-stealer, or at least, baby-coveter, is standing next to him. She glares at me, and I return it happily.

"Hey, Blondie," Jacob starts, and I smirk. This'll be good. "A one armed blonde is hanging from a tree, how do you make her fall?" he pauses, mugging at her. The glare intensifies. "Wave at her! Aha, aha, man, I am _so_ funny!" He waltzes over to one of the white leather couches and plops himself down, apparently taking up as much space as possible. Seth sits on the sofa opposite him. I wonder if the furniture is only there for Jake's benefit.

"Awww, Emmett, look" Rosalie starts, "the little puppy brought his little doggie friends over to play! I wonder if they'd rather have a tennis ball, or a Frisbee?"

I'm more than half-tempted to punch her in the face. Her musclebound husband meanwhile is trying hard not to laugh. Whether at her _astounding _wit, or just at the apparently commonplace exchange between her and Jake, I don't know. Fortunately for her, and her (for now unbroken) nose, Dr. Sparkle and his wife come in. I imagine the Lovebirds are off on their own—no surprise there.

"Jacob, there's food in the kitchen," the female one, Esme, says. Wait, they're feeding him now? Loathe as I am to admit it, maybe the blonde was onto something with this whole "trained dog theory." And speaking of which, Seth bounds off to get the biggest tray of junk food I have ever seen from the kitchen. He and Jacob begin devouring, putting their bare feet up on the coffee table. Classy, those two.

Jacob pauses, mouth full of food, "Oh, hey, is Alice around? Leah wanted to talk to her," Jacob nods in my direction as he says this. Just so everyone can focus their attention on me. Joy.

Esme smiles at me. Damn, I really hate it when the bloodsuckers try to be nice. It's just… wrong. "She and Jasper will be down in a moment. We weren't sure what time to expect you, and you know how that upsets Alice."

Jasper. Which one was he? Oh, right, the one with all the scars. The fighter. Wait, _he was_ married to Alice? Little Alice? Just proves you can't really ever understand leeches, I guess. Sure enough, Alice skips down the stairs, followed by her husband. He regards me slowly and nods. "Dog."

"At least I'm not undead," I shoot back. And smile. Yes, an honest-to-god smile. Must be the irresistible combination of insulting a man and insulting a vampire.

"Alice, Leah wants to thank you for the gift card you gave her, like, a year ago. She finally spent it. On clothes, and on those ridiculous shoes she's balancing in," Jacob says. What, is he like my conversation pimp now?

"Really?" Alice asks. "Oh my! I love them! They are so cute! Oh, Leah! You look so feminine!" She sort of sings the sentences all together. And, unlike when Jacob talks to me, I don't have the sense that she's mocking me.

I force a smile. I actually really hate having an audience. Why did I even agree to come? Seth and Jacob could have just delivered my message for me.

The door swings open. Aw, and look! It's the happy family! Vampire Spawn runs over to the sofa where Seth and Jacob are now sprawled side-by-side and vaults up, inserting herself between them. She puts her little hand on Jake's, and judging by the unfocused look in his eyes, she must be telling him something. She's… well, she's growing up. She looks like she's in maybe fifth grade. How many months before she's a teenager?

And I'm smirking again. Imagining Bella trying to manage a teenager. Aha.

Oh. My. God. I remember I'm in a room surrounded by vampires. Someone, please kill me. I am completely disgusted. And yet…. Too comfortable. I should be vomiting.

I glare at the scarred one, guessing it's his freaky-ass mind abilities that are making me this calm. He even has the nerve to smile at me. Like he's doing me a favor.

"Hey, Leah, there's something I want to show you. Come upstairs?" it's Alice who asks. Enter farther into the lair? Ew, no, thank you. But wait… it does mean being in a room, alone, with one vampire, instead of in a room with 8 and a half vampires and two other shapeshifters. The ratio Alice offers is better.

* * *

"I'm sorry, it's just very hard for me to be around your pack. It throws off my predictions," she's telling me, as she leads me down the hall. Damn, this is a big house! "I'm really glad you used the card! I just… well… it sounds horrible to spend all of your time running around with those boys, changing, ruining clothes, I don't know," is it just me, or is Alice feeling as awkward as I am?

"Okay, so I have a confession." Wow. Alice is being really talkative. She must be nervous, especially without her husband around to control her emotions. "So I wouldn't have gotten you the gift card—usually I only get things for people that I see they will need, and I can't see you, but Edward can hear you, and he said you were miffed about tearing up all your clothes and not being feminine, and I thought, well, I really like clothes and style, and I thought maybe you'd like it." She bites her lip. She's clearly waiting for me to say something.

"Thank you," I pause. As long as we're being honest… "But I sort of don't like the idea of your creepy brother reading my mind."

"He can't help it, you know. Actually, it's hard for him, sometimes. Like when Jacob used to like Bella, well, Edward didn't really need to know every thought that popped into his mind."

I laugh. Actually laugh. She smiles. We've reached the room, well, more of a closet. We take up positions at opposite ends, as far apart as possible. I guess the smell must be bothering her, too. Still, it's not so bad. I'm actually talking to a girl.

I look around. The room she's lead me to is full of clear plastic boxes. "Oh, um, I thought maybe you'd want to have some of this? It's all the beauty products I bought when Bella was human." Her voice trails off.

"Uh, thanks?" I say. I didn't intend it to come out as a question. I open a box near me. Alice does the same, on the other side of the small, cramped room. This box is full of creams. The one next to it seems to be hair products. All of this for Bella? Wow. The shoes are one thing, but I was never a big beauty regime sort of girl.

"She doesn't really use any of it anymore. I mean, not that she used any of it before… I sort of used to have to kidnap her so I could give her makeovers. And dress her" Alice smiles. She's really trying to be friendly. This is too weird.

"You don't strike me as the sort of person who is big into fashion," I say, trying like hell to make conversation.

She cocks her head to the side. "Really?"

"I don't know, you just seem really…" what's the word? "quirky. In a good way, but you know, different, and—" I just stop. I really don't know her at all. I really don't know any of the leeches at all. So why am I trying to be nice to this one? And it doesn't help that she's not saying anything, just watching me, waiting for me to finish. I've really gotten out of the habit of, well, of talking. I'm used to my pack brothers just hearing everything I think, and when I don't want them to know what's on my mind, or when I'm in human form, there's always bitchiness to fall back on.

"So I don't know you, but you have awesome hair, it's just sort of all over the place… It doesn't seem like the hair of a person who does makeovers. Unless they were funky makeovers."

"You like my hair?" she asks, eyes big.

"Uh… yeah, yeah I do. But it, um, doesn't seem to fit you."

She just looks at me. "So, Leah, I'm a vampire. That means I don't change. I can't grow more hair. I'm sort of stuck with what they gave me in the asylum."

"Asylum?" I'm sensing that in my effort to be nice, I've gone and really screwed things up.

"I used to be a patient in an insane asylum. Before." She must be noticing the shock on my face, because she smiles at me. "It's okay. I don't remember any of it. But that's why I used to love brushing Bella's hair so much. I mean, I still can brush it, but it's different now that she's changed."

"Sorry, I really didn't know." I'm staring at a patch of ground a foot in front of where she's standing.

"Leah, I mean it. It's okay. I just really want some of this stuff to go to a good home." She gestures toward the room. Nice change of subject. Waaaaay more talented at it than Seth the Incompetent.

"I'll, um, take a bit. But I would have thought that Blondie would be wanting it all for Nessie."

"No, not really. Maybe when Nessie gets older, but right now, she won't put up with any of it. She would rather run around in the forest with Jake, actually."

"Why is Blondie so obsessed with Nessie?" I ask suddenly. I really didn't mean to say it, but I was thinking it, and, well, maybe the whole self-censoring thing is washed out of my system from being in a pack.

"Oh, because she wants a child of her own, but she can't ever have one."

I bite my lip. "Yeah, I thought vampires couldn't reproduce. But then how did Edward manage to impregnate Bella? I mean, if Edward can, can't Rosalie?"

"No. Male vampires can sire children, but we can't become pregnant. Our bodies don't change." She says the last part quietly and looks away. "It's hard for my sister to deal with."

I don't say anything. I want, really, really want, to make a snide comment like, "thank god she won't ever breed—the world doesn't need any more blondes," but I don't.

"That sounds pretty familiar." God, why am I opening up to a bloodsucker?

"Wait, what? Female werewolves can't—?"

"Apparently not. I don't get my period anymore, so I doubt I could get pregnant," Assuming I could find anyone who'd want to have a child with me, I add in my head. At least I'm not in wolf-form for the boys to hear.

"But what about the other female werewolves?"

"There aren't any," I say it like it's obvious. Actually, it is obvious.

"I know, not now, but I mean, historically. There aren't any stories about female werewolves who have children?"

"No, I mean, there aren't any other female werewolves. Ever. I'm the only one." The only one of my kind. Even Renesmee the Half-Vampire Spawn has others like her.

"Oh," she meets my eyes, "I didn't know. I'm sorry."

I smile. "It's okay."

* * *

I stare up at the ceiling. Willing myself to sleep. Not that it ever works, but what else are you going to do when it's pushing 3 am? Note to self: next time Seth busts out one of his dumbass ideas, like, say, "oh, let's pop on up to the Cullens! They feed us now, you know!" I should just punch him in the face. Ugh.

I really didn't need any more complexity in my life. At all. Let's see. I came back from Canada to see if it made missing my dad any easier. Because running away from my pain wasn't working. Because I got tired of eating uncooked meat.

Because I didn't want the other wolves to think I was weak.

And after I came back, I remembered part of why I left. I was tired of being treated like a freak. Leaving Sam's pack was amazing, and being in Jacob's was nowhere near as bad, but I was still… female. But not female enough to be a woman, just female enough to be an outsider. They didn't know what to do with me.

So I tried to be a bit more… oh, not even girly. Refined? Bare feet and dodgy cutoff sweats are great… for Jacob, but not really for me. And even with the inclusion of a manky t-shirt, well, I still wasn't me. I was just reacting, building on what the boys did. So I tried to act. Which led me back to the Cullens, to thank Alice for something she probably didn't even remember doing…

…Which got me here. What the hell is wrong with me that I have civilized conversations with leeches? They aren't even _alive_ for chrissakes. Why couldn't I have nice, human female friends?

Oh, right, because I'm not human either.

I rolled over in bed. I would have pulled the covers up over me, but I didn't really use them anymore since I was never cold. Sleep, damn you! I told myself. It wasn't working.

So apparently there's some really, really weird vibe coming off the Cullens' house. Maybe produced by the mould that only grows in sepulchers or something. You don't notice it, because you're too busy trying not to inhale their scent, but in it comes, messing with your mind. (Or was that Jasper? He was downstairs at the time, but what exactly is his range?)

Because I had agreed to "hang out" with Alice Cullen. Alice "I'm a vampire" Cullen. _And she was bringing Blondie_.

* * *

AN: Hello! I hope you enjoyed chapter two! You may have figured this out by now, but Endless Daylight is not big on plot or epic battles between rival vampire clans. It's a lot more about exploring Leah's world through Leah's eyes. And exploring the relationships between characters that I feel got left out. After reading _Breaking_ _Dawn_, I have a lot of lingering questions. It seemed to me like everyone got a happy, dare I say, sugary sweet ending? Except Leah. In Meyer's work, it's the minor characters that have attracted me and piqued my interest. And recently, I haven't been able to get Leah out of my mind. So this is my take on how her future would evolve post-BD.

There are other things that I am interested in, as you might have been able to tell from this chapter. Jacob's relationship with Nessie particularly interests me, both for Jacob's sudden character transformation, and for imprinting in general. Edward described the pack as a soap opera, and that's what I want to dig into. Plus I can't resist exploring Alice and Jasper a bit more, too.

This little fanfic is getting a lot of hits, but no reviews. Which probably means that you don't have anything to say, so I can't really blame you. Up until now, I've done strictly humor fics, so really, reviews would be very helpful to me. Further, I am curious to know who is reading it—Leah fans? Jacob/Leah fans? Bella/Edward fans who don't appreciate my/Leah's bitchy comments about their Twue Lub? Nessie lovers? Nessie haters?


	3. Chapter 3

Oh god. Something must be wrong with me. Very, very wrong.

I'm hanging out with bloodsuckers.

We're sitting in Blondie's BMW M3 in a parking lot in Port Angeles near the ocean. Really, we are just sitting here. I'm in the backseat, leaning against the door. Blondie's in the driver's seat, obviously, and Alice is riding shotgun. It's evening, and the sun has already set, but there's light from the businesses around us, and streetlamps, all of which are reflected in the dark ocean.

I feel really, really, ungodly awkward.

Just for the sake of talking, for the sake of feeling _slightly_ less weird, I say, "So we could get a bite to eat. Aha," What the hell is wrong with me?! I'm cracking jokes about a vampire's diet _to vampires_. And there's two of them, and one of me. Maybe they took me out here so they could kill me. I remind myself that Alice's husband wrinkled his nose at me once and proclaimed that my pack brothers and I "don't smell like food."

"I was thinking of watching a movie," begins the blonde.

I can't resist interrupting her. "Like 'Dracula'?"

"Or like 'Dog Soliders'" she retorts. I blink at her. "It's about these soldiers in the UK who get eaten by werewolves." She smirks at be before continuing, "It's actually the world's worst film. The fake intestines look like jello. Emmett likes it."

And, god help me, I actually laugh. And so does she. Alice, meanwhile, is rolling her eyes. "So, um, Leah, I know it's a little weird coming all the way out here to just sit in the car and talk, but we wanted to be out of Edward's 'range.' We thought you'd be more comfortable that way," Alice says.

"Plus, out here in the open air in the convertible, the smell of dog isn't quite as strong," adds the blonde. Rosalie. Actually, she's right. I can't smell them as much as I can inside a closed space.

"So did you actually want to watch a movie?" I ask.

"No. I just wanted to make a werewolf joke."

"Oh, but if you were serious about eating," Alice chimes in, "we can certainly get you some food!"

"Actually, I just wanted to make a vampire joke."

We sit in silence for awhile, but it's a comfortable silence, not nearly as awkward as it was. Some pedestrians walk past the parking lot, look at us, and quickly look away. Huh.

"I didn't scare you on the way over, did I?" Rosalie asks. "Only, apparently Bella always used to freak out whenever Alice or Edward drove her anywhere. My family drives kind of fast."

"Actually I thought it was fun," I tell her honestly. "I really, really like speed. It's one of the best things about being in wolf form…" my voice trails off.

"Really?" Alice turns all the way around in her seat to look at me.

"Yeah. I love outrunning the boys. I'm the fastest." It's strange to be talking about life as a werewolf to anyone. Especially to a pair of leeches. I bite my lip. "So where's Bella?"

They exchange a glance. "We just sort of thought a girls' night out would be easier is you got to know us first… without overwhelming you." Alice says. "Sort of like how we got out of Edward's 'range.'"

"Plus she's busy with her daughter."

"Thank you," I say. "Um, how much did Bella tell you guys about me?" I ask. "And your brother."

"Oh, Edward is very respectful of people's privacy," says Alice. "He doesn't want to give away things he hears." How cute, a leech with morals. And then… I almost feel guilty for mocking him in my head, considering the company I'm in.

"Bella told us you joined Jacob's pack not because you cared about us or about Nessie or anything else, but because you wanted to get away from the other pack," Rosalie watches my face as she says this.

I smirk, "Yeah, pretty much. No offense."

Rosalie apparently feels like she has more to say, "She also said that you used to annoy everyone in the pack by thinking things at them that they didn't want to hear, but that you were nicer now that you were with Jacob," I don't say anything. I'm glad Bella thinks I'm "nicer" now.

Oh wait, I don't care what Bella thinks because she is a silly little leechlover.

"So I suppose I should thank you,"

"For what?" I ask Rosalie.

"For tormenting the wolves."

I snort. "I wasn't doing it for you" but I'm trying not to smile.

She looks me straight in the eye. "Leah, men are dogs. In your case, that's especially true." From the way she says it, I know she means it. Her voice is almost raw—as close to real emotion as a bloodsucker can put into her speech, I imagine. Something must have happened to her—she must have some story that I don't know about. Something to give her that rage.

Alice clears her throat, a nice little affectation of someone pretending to be human. "What Rosalie means to say is that Bella also told us that your boyfriend imprinted…"

"I know what she was getting at," but my voice doesn't have its usual bite to it. Something about how Rosalie said what she said keeps me from being angry. I look from one of them to the other. Nice to see they took me out here not to kill me, but to discuss every freaking detail of my personal life. I'm not sure which was worse.

Do they honestly want to talk to me about Sam and, ugh, Emily?

"Don't suppose they invited you to the wedding?" I ask, my lips curled up into something that really isn't a smile.

They laugh, especially the blonde. "No. They didn't. But Bella and Edward and Nessie and Jacob are going. And anyway, we could crash it."

"They've been putting that wedding off for years," I say. Why can't I bring myself to say their names out loud? Neither leech says anything. "I was going to be a bridesmaid, at first. But after I phased the first time, things got worse and _he_ said they should wait…. I sort of hoped they'd just get it over and done with while I was off in Canada."

"They want you there at the wedding so they can convince themselves that they haven't done anything wrong," Rosalie says, with a lot of bitterness in her voice. Bitterness that I thought only I had. It really makes me wonder what her life has been like.

"How does imprinting work?" Alice says suddenly, her head cocked to the side.

Rosalie rolls her eyes. "Alice, you were there when Jacob explained it to us after Nessie was born."

"Yeah, but I still don't understand," she's watching me, lips pursed.

"No one does," I tell her, "Certainly not me. There are stories about it happening, but we thought it was supposed to be rare. And anyway, if you are asking about Jacob, or Quil for that matter… I have no idea." Why am I being so candid? Maybe I am just relieved to be talking about something other than my personal life. Or maybe it's because I'm actually talking to people outside of my pack for the first time in a long, long time.

"Edward says Jacob doesn't think of Nessie in a…. romantic way," begins Alice awkwardly.

"Uh, good, because she's like 3 years old." I shoot back. Rosalie giggles. "Look, with imprinting, you are supposed to be exactly what the other person needs. Spawn, I mean, Nessie, doesn't need a boyfriend, it's not even on her radar, so maybe it's not on Jake's either."

"That makes sense, I suppose," says Alice. These two have obviously given a lot of thought to this whole thing. Then again, why shouldn't they, with their niece being the target of Jake's imprinting? Especially Rosalie, who is so obsessed with the child.

Rosalie says, "He said he would be whatever she needed—brother, protector… but, I mean, what if when she's all grown up," and her tone makes it clear that she is thinking of years from now, as with a normal human, not in four years when Nessie is 7. Good, I'm glad I'm not the only one freaked out by the speedy-aging thing, "what if she doesn't want to marry him?"

"I don't know. If she doesn't love him that way, I don't know if he will love her that way, either."

"Damnit," Alice slaps the dash board with the palm of her hand, "I wish I could See! You bloody werewolves screw up everything!"

"Careful, you'll dent my car," drawls Rosalie.

Alice looks up at me, "Sorry, Leah, I don't mean you screw up everything. I just hate not knowing how things are going to turn out.

"You know, you didn't offend me," I turn back to Rosalie. "I know… I find it very… _odd_, too. I can't believe that she, or Claire, the girl Quil imprinted on, wouldn't have a choice about whether or not to be lovers instead of, well, instead of like siblings."

"Are there any legends about women who have refused to marry men who have imprinted on them?" Alice asks me. "And do male wolves always imprint on women? Or can they imprint on men?"

"I don't know. But I wouldn't listen to the legends anyway. I mean, the legends also say that werewolves are always male," I kick my feet up onto the seat next to me and arch my back, feeling it crack and realign. Rosalie looks like she wants to tell me it's gross, but she controls herself. "Paul imprinted on Rachel, and they just got married awhile ago. Definitely madly in love. Jared and Kim are probably going to get engaged soon, but since Kim was already in love with Jared, it makes sense that he'd love her like that after imprinting. My cousin… she'd never met him before. But once he looked at her…" I can't say any more.

"Maybe she needed a man in her life, a lover, like that," says Rosalie thoughtfully. "Maybe that's why it happened the way it did."

"But did it have to be my boyfriend?" I bark out a laugh. Because if I don't laugh, I will cry. And I will start to fall back into that place, that place deep inside myself, where I was when I was in Canada. Where I was when I first joined Sam's pack.

But then Alice asks softly. "Are you still in love with him?" And I realize… well, not realize, because I've known it all along. I'm not. Not with him.

"No. But," I don't know how to say it. "I think… more than anything, I miss how things were when I was with him."

"You miss being human. Being normal. And that relationship was a symbol of being normal…" Rosalie says, and you know something? The leech is actually is right. So I nod. But I know she's not talking about me. Alice is looking from me, to her, to me. She's almost smiling—clearly she's happy that she brought us both out here to talk. At least she's not full-on grinning; that wouldn't go well with the subject of our discussion.

"For me," she continues, "it's knowing that I'll never have a baby."

"For me, it's knowing that no one will ever want me again," I say very, very quietly.

But of course the damned bloodsuckers have good hearing. "What?" they both ask. Rosalie says it more angrily, Alice with more shock.

"You heard me."

"That's ludicrous," yeah, okay, that's easy for Rosalie to say. I doubt she goes 20 seconds without some man or another falling all over themselves at the sight of her.

I guess once you start talking about your personal life with leeches, there's no going back. The Rubicon, as it were, has been crossed. I shrug. "I'm never going to be someone's girlfriend again—"

"Do you _want _to be _someone's girlfriend_?" Alice asks sharply.

"I—"

"Leah, you aren't _Bella_," why does Rosalie sound like she's scolding me? "You aren't _Emily_."

"I noticed," even I can hear the bitterness in my own voice.

Alice reaches out, almost like she's about to pat my hand, or shoulder, and then doesn't. She smiles weakly. "It's not a bad thing, not being them. Bella… well, Edward and Bella…. Listen, before Edward met Bella, he, he wasn't, it was like he wasn't alive," she smiles again, expecting me to make a crack about how _vampires_ aren't really alive at all. But since she knows I'm thinking it, I don't bother to say it. She continues, "But when he met her, _boom_, his life, his existence, began. And Bella. She didn't know who she was before she met Edward. Now, she knows who she is because she's with Edward. She's Edward's wife and Nessie's mother, and _that's Bella_. But not everyone is like that."

She glances at Rosalie now. "I… I love Jasper, very, very much. And I can't imagine life without him. It's not something I even want to contemplate. But I'm _Alice_. I'm not just Jasper's wife. Does that make sense?"

"Leah, you aren't that kind of girl. You don't need a man to help you figure out who you are. You have to be Leah first and girlfriend second. Look I can be really shallow. And I like being gorgeous. And damn right, I want every guy I see to look at me and think I'm stunning, but, well, that's _me_. I'm not just Emmett's wife. I'm Rosalie."

I exhale heavily. "It's… I just miss knowing who I am. I don't know any more. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, with _Sam_, and then I lost that. And then I found out I'm a freaking werewolf. Or _shape-shifter_. Or whatever the fuck I am. And then I lost my father." The words are tumbling out faster and faster now, "And, and then I had to spend every goddamned day looking in Sam's stupid eyes hearing his stupid little stupid thoughts about how _sorry_ he is, how fucking _sorry_ that he hurt me and oh god!" I slam my hand down on the door of the car. Rosalie winces slightly, but there's no damage.

"Leah, it's not that you stopped knowing who you are." Oh god, Alice is actually touching me now. She's put her icy little hand on my arm. I look down at the offending hand. She doesn't remove it. I can't believe I'm being _comforted_ my bloodsuckers.

I can't believe I'm being comforted by anyone.

Alice continues, "You just realized you never knew, and now you're trying to figure it out."

Uh, I'm sorry, was that supposed to be helpful? Was that supposed to cheer me up _at all_?!

"Even when you were dating Sam, I bet you were never just Sam's girlfriend," says Rosalie gently. "And by pretending you were, you weren't really being true to yourself."

"And you were always a shape-shifter, or had the potential to become one, so really... really, you didn't even start figuring out who you were _until _you, uh, 'phased' for the first time."

I'm still watching Alice's hand suck the warmth out of my arm. "Um, thanks." I sigh. They are trying to be nice. No one has tried to be nice to me in a long time, unless you count Jacob and Seth, and since they are male, they are sort of inept at it. And, there's a part of me, a tiny, fraction of a part, that's glad to be talking to someone…who actually has a smidgen of emotional intelligence.

"Guys, I… this is going to sound really lame, but when I started being a wolf, I stopped being a woman. It's not just the freakishly early menopausal thing. I… I can never have a boyfriend. I will never have room in my life for anything but the pack. And I can't tell anyone that I'm a wolf. Even superheroes get to tell their girlfriends about their secret identities. But it's not just that. I miss knowing, or at least thinking I knew, who I am, and I miss the way Sam used to look at me. I'll never have a family, or anyone to love me. It will just be me, following the pack around forever. It's like…it's like, instead of days and nights and a human life, all I have is endless daylight ahead of me, never changing…."

"I don't understand," begins Alice, and yes, she's still touching me, "why couldn't you tell a potential boyfriend about your… uh, lifestyle?"

"Sam put an order on the pack that we couldn't tell anyone."

"But Sam's not your Alpha. I honestly don't think Jacob would make such a stupid rule. And anyway, why are you so sure you won't imprint?"

"Ew, Alice, don't even joke," snaps Rosalie. I look at her. She sighs and begins to explain, "Out of all the wolves… you're the one… I hate the least. It would really, really, really suck if you imprinted on some guy and became a pathetic little Love Zombie."

"Love Zombie?" Alice asks, laughing. "Love Zombie?" And I have to laugh too, because that's pretty much what Sam is these days. And Jacob and Quil and the others in Sam's pack.

"I won't imprint, Alice, I'm female."

They both just stare at me. "And women can't imprint?" Rosalie demands. Now, all of a sudden, she's upset that I _won't_ imprint? This girl is even more emotional than…. than I am.

"Well, no, isn't the whole point of imprinting, to, um" I trail off. Wasn't I just telling them that we don't _know_ what the point of imprinting is? I was going to say that wolves imprint so they can breed and pass on the wolf gene… but if we don't even know if all imprinting results in romantic love…

"Aha, so you _could_ imprint. You phase just like the boys, so you could imprint," insists Alice.

"Yeah, but _don't_. Just get a regular boyfriend. A really hot one," says Rosalie. "And have lots of sex!"

* * *

We're back at the house, the drive having gone very quickly. We talked a bit more on the way. And… I feel, well, better. About lots of things. I feel like, like less of a _freak_. I guess hanging out with the undead can make anyone feel more normal. But it's more than that. I feel female. And I don't feel like a withered, empty shell of who I was before I phased. Whoever I was back then is more like a dream, slightly unreal. Was I ever so boring? Was my life ever so simple? It seems hard to imagine, now.

Inside the house, Jacob is waiting. Pacing. He looks up sharply when I walk in the room. "Leah— " he starts to say, and stops.

Bella's Love-Leechy is in the corner. "See? I told you she'd be back," he says dryly. I look at Jacob again. Was he worried? Why?

"I should phase so the others know you're here," Jacob says, brushing past me on his way out the door. Alice and Rosalie have come in, and are looking at everyone with as much shock as I am.

"He could have just told them you were coming back as soon as I sensed you, like I told him to," says Edward. He looks at me, probably hearing the questions I'm silently asking. "Jacob wanted to know where you went, and since you, Alice and Rosalie were so far away, I couldn't hear your thoughts to know what to tell him, and he got kind of worried, that's all. And I wasn't even sure if you were with those two or not, and he didn't exactly believe me when I said you'd gone off with my sisters."

Bella is sitting on one of the white sofas holding Nessie in her lap. She smiles at me. Oh, great, now _Bella_ is trying to be nice to me. Maybe I should just kill myself. "He was really worried! It was kind of cute." And then she starts fussing with her freakbaby.

Jake returns, this time wearing only his shorts, muscles gleaming in the light. He must have left his shirt on the front lawn and forgotten about it. "Seth's on his way home, along with Quil and Embry." He glares at me. "We were going to start searching for you."

"Uh, okay, are you my mother now?"

"Leah, you can't just disappear like that! We didn't know if you'd run off to Canada again, or what…" he must be aware how lame this sounds, because he's not meeting my eyes. And I need to stop noticing his muscles.

"Well…" I sigh, "thanks. It does actually mean something to me that you guys were worried."

"So were you actually out with the leeches?" he demands, the old humor returning to his voice.

"Oh, look who's talking, I'm not the one who imprinted on leech-spawn, you—"

Edward, swear to god, growls at me. "That's my daughter you're talking about, he says in a low, supposedly dangerous voice." Bella is looking at him like she wants him to control his temper. Nessie is just sort of sitting there being Vampire Spawn-esque.

I just roll my eyes at him. "Yeah, exactly."

Jacob is still at a loss for words. He recovers enough to say, "but, I mean, _Blondie?_"

"Oh, I'm sorry, are you surprised that one of your little packmates might want some, I don't know, _intelligent_ and _mature_ conversation, dog?" Rosalie hisses. Emmett, sitting on another sofa, looks like he's trying not to laugh.

"Yes, because 'intelligent' is the word I most often associate with you," retorts Jake.

"You know, I can't tell whether or not to calm you all down, or wind you up more," drawls Jasper, coming down the stairs. "You guys are all _very_ amusing." Everyone glares at him, well, everyone but Nessie. It's pretty amusing.

"I have an idea," Alice says in her lilting voice. "Let's go raise our cars on sketchy back-country roads again!"

"What?! Alice! That could be dangerous! Last time Edward almost got a speeding ticket" squeals Bella. "And anyway, it's nearly Renesmee's bedtime!" I can see Emmett rolling his eyes at her concern over danger.

"Wait, you guys race your cars?" I ask. I'm not exactly surprised, since the Cullens have some nice cars, but still.

"Only when it's late at night and in heavy fog, otherwise someone might notice," Rosalie tells me. Sure, because racing cars with zero visibility is a _great_ idea. She's gone over to sit with Emmett, and she's leaning against one of his massive arms. "Anyway, I usually don't go…the BMW isn't _that _fast,"

"Um." There really is nothing I can say.

Jacob, clearly trying to make up for his ridiculous overreaction earlier, starts to explain it. "Alice takes her Porche, sometimes Jasper rides shotgun, Edward takes his Vanquish, and I drive Bella's Ferrari…"

"_You_ do this?"

"Er, well, yeah."

"Oh, okay, jackass, who spends time with leeches, now? Hypocrite," and then I halfheartedly kick him in the shin. He just gives me a deadpan stare and rolls his eyes with exaggerated slowness, acting like he can't even be bothered to have a facial expression.

"Down, puppies," it's Edward, and he's laughing as he says it. Bella is looking at him with this dopey little look on her face.

"Come on, _Beta, _you can ride with me," and Jacob says and he struts out the door. I'm pretty sure the bloodsuckers have better reflexes than we do. Why is Jacob going along with this?

Rosalie smiles at me from across the room. "You should go, remember, you said you liked speed." Her husband is giving her a funny look, and I realize it's because she's being nice to me. Alice and Jasper have followed Jacob out of the door, and Edward is fussing over his wife and daughter, kissing them both and asking Bella if she's sure she doesn't want to come. Apparently she'd rather stay and put Spawn to bed with Rosalie.

"Tiny… Are you coming?" Jacob yells from outside. Well, I guess with my werewolf healing powers, even if he does crash, I'll probably live.

* * *

AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review, and to everyone who has this fic on alert or on their favorites. I'm glad to see there are other people as… unsure (to say the least) about Nessie as I am. Anyway, knowing that other people are enjoying this project really does motivate me to work on it and hopefully make it enjoyable for other people, besides just myself (imagining Leah being snarky keeps me pretty entertained, I confess.) And yes, there's more coming in my little character study.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm leaning up against the refrigerator in old shorts and a tank top, munching away happily on my mom's tuna salad. She and Seth aren't home, so I skip the whole unnecessary bowl stage and am eating straight out of the Tupperware. Mulling over everything that's been happening recently.

I'm contemplating getting the milk out and drinking it straight from the container when the front door opens. As I weigh the pros and cons of shoving the tuna salad back in the fridge or hiding it behind my back, my mom comes into the kitchen with Charlie right behind her.

"Oh, hi, Leah, it's nice to see you," Charlie says awkwardly as I brace myself for my mom's lecture on "table manners."

"Hi, honey, how are you?" Mom asks, sounding…un-angry. Actually, a little embarrassed. I look from her to Charlie and try not to laugh. I swallow the tuna salad that's been in my mouth for the last few minutes.

"Mom, Charlie," I nod at them and take another bite.

"I see you've decided not to use plates," her lips are pursed as she says this. "Just because when you're a wolf you can eat like an animal doesn't mean it's okay in my house, young lady," she scolds. I feel like I'm 16 again. Surprisingly, Charlie managed not to grimace too much when Mom mentioned my… condition. He must be more used to it now than when Jacob did his big reveal. Not that he knows yet what his darling baby girl is. At least _I'm_ not a filthy bloodsucker… Speaking of which, I promised Alice and Rosalie I'd go see them again soon.

Mom hands me a plate, one of those tiny ones that doesn't really have a purpose, except to annoy me, and I use my fork to shove the last four bites out of the Tupperware. This is ridiculous—at least I was saving dishes, and, you know, water and dish soap and stuff.

"You didn't eat the lasagna from last night, did you honey?" my mom asks. I shake my head, but before she goes to open the fridge, I tell her that Seth must have gotten his paws into it, because it's not there anymore.

"Leah, don't talk with your mouth open, dear," she tells me tiredly. "Charlie, I'm sorry, I really did intend to feed you that lasagna. But obviously my children thought otherwise. Here, I'll make some soup…" and just like that she's bustling around the kitchen, getting things out to make soup for Charlie.

"Hey, can I have some of that soup?" I ask innocently, finishing off my tuna salad. She 'tsks' under her breath and mutters about how hard it is feeding me and Seth. Well, it wouldn't be so difficult if she hadn't also taken over the Feeding Charlie project. Charlie is sitting at the counter, generally looking out of place. And nervous. I really don't think he likes being around people. Well, he annoys me a lot less than his daughter does. Granted there are probably skin rashes that annoy me less than Bella does.

"So what did you do yesterday? More patrols?" Mom asks as she starts cutting up vegetables.

"Um, well, um….hung out with the Cullens, um," I say lamely. I was _really _hoping she wasn't going to ask. Most people in the Tribe don't exactly _love_ the leeches.

"Oh." There's an incredibly awkward pause. "Your brother is over there a lot, you know." Another pause. "With Jacob." Charlie immediately perks up at the mention of Jake. Mom likes Jacob well enough, especially since Seth looks up to him so much, and Jake doesn't seem to mind having my brother following him around all the time and generally worshipping him.

"Were you helping Jacob baby-sit Nessie?" Charlie asks. Oh, Charlie, how I love you right now.

"Yup!" I agree, possibly too quickly. "That's exactly what I was doing." I start rinsing off the plate. Ugh, as if _I _would ever want to help baby-sit that creepy little freak Spawn. Not that Nessie even needs baby-sitting. She seems to tolerate her mother and Rosalie's cosseting with a sort of good-natured patience, but it's almost like she's…above all that. Still, it's probably all around better if that's what my mom thinks I was up to.

I should just leave out the part where Jacob and I were seeing how fast the Ferrari could go on a dark road in deep, Washington fog in the middle of the night, with Alice and Edward zooming around us. Yeah, my mom probably doesn't want to know about that.

Jacob drove me home afterward. Actually, we sort of drove around for awhile, on all the small, curving, barely two-lane road, going up and down little hills, in and out of the fog, but not really heading toward home. Bella and Edward must be pretty fond of Jacob to let him drive Bella's Ferrari so much. Or maybe Edward is just excited that someone appreciates the car. I kind of hate Bella for not being as excited as she should be about owning a Ferrari. If a man bought _me_ a Ferrari I'd be pretty damn happy, even if he was a useless pretty boy like some bloodsuckers I know.

We talked. It was the first time in awhile that we were together without Seth the One-Man-Jacob-Fan-Club there. I asked him if he talks to Sam or anyone in the other pack. He said it was inescapable, what with Paul being his brother-in-law. I asked him if he'd tell Sam that I'd come to the wedding. He nodded and didn't say anything. We weren't racing the Cullens at this point, so he was driving at a slightly less ludicrous speed (which continued to drop as our conversation continued, giving us more time to talk). Anyway, Jacob took his eyes off the road for an instant and regarded me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking so I shifted uncomfortable, fidgeting with my purse on the floor.

"Sure, sure, I'll tell Sam," and then we were back in silence. "Did your mom say when the wedding was going to be?"

I shrugged. Have they even picked a new date? His turn to shrug. I guess he doesn't exactly spend a lot of time chatting with Sam these days.

"I thought the packs were on 'friendly terms?'" I asked.

Again with the shrugging. "Yeah, I guess we are. It's just hard for me to be in a room with Sam for more than a few minutes. It's even worse if we're in wolf form."

I smirked and let out a quick, slightly mocking laugh. "Now you know how I felt."

He raised one dark eyebrow. "Felt? Do I detect a past-tense?" I stared out the window and told him "maybe." He lifted one shoulder (no one can be quite as casual as Jacob) and told me he thought his issue with Sam was an "Alpha thing." Oh, sure, like they both have too much testosterone to be in the same room at the same time… uh huh. Men can be so arrogant.

"Well then maybe I hate Sam because I'm an Alpha, too," I told him, and stuck my tongue out for good measure. "I'll just run off and start my own pack. My own pack of one." He laughed and told me that a "Leah Pack" was just about the scariest thing he could think of. And then he stopped laughing and said, "But you don't hate me like you hate Sam, right? I mean, I don't annoy you as much, do I?"

"Of course not. You didn't break my heart." Jacob shut up then, staring at the road. Did he honestly forget why I had Sam-issues?

"Leah, I'm not like Sam, am I?" his voice was raw, raw and as vulnerable as I'd ever heard it. He'd slowed the car almost to the speed-limit.

"What? No, you're being ridiculous, Jake," I told him, exasperated. For one thing, he wasn't nearly as sure of himself as Sam had always been. It's one of the things I liked about Jacob. As an Alpha, that is. And as a friend. And… I guess that's just another thing about Jacob that will be wasted on Nessie.

"I mean about the imprinting thing," Jacob said it so quietly I had to strain to hear him. He was changing gears a lot more frequently than was necessary. Not unlike my right hand's constant probing around in my purse, checking to make sure my phone and iPod and everything was still here. Just to have something to fidget with.

I didn't know what to say. What do you say to that? Did he want me to tell him I approved of Nessie? Did he want me to say 'No, I think it's really super that the love of your life is the creepiest freakin' thing on planet earth, and that means a lot, since I'm a freak of nature myself!'

Instead I said, "Jake, lots of wolves have imprinted. Maybe you're like Paul." And then I stuck my tongue again. He told me if I kept doing that it would get stuck and I'd look stupid forever. I said his insults were just about the lamest thing on the planet and I didn't care if he thought I looked stupid, so there, asshat. And we fell back into silence.

"Just tell Sam I'll be at the damn wedding," I said eventually. It didn't come out as bitchily as it might have. Instead of angry, I was just resigned. And sleepy. Jacob had claimed to be driving me home, but it had been about fifteen minutes since our race ended, and I didn't think we were getting any closer to La Push.

"And I'll phrase it just like that, too. 'Leah says she'll be at your damn wedding.'"

I rolled my eyes. "Tell him I'll be a bridesmaid if he really wants."

"Isn't the whole bridesmaid thing up to the _bride_? You can always be a groomsman. Since you're so masculine!" And then I punched him on the arm. Which only actually proved his point and made him laugh harder. Bastard. "Sure, sure, Leah, don't freak out. I'll tell Sam, ok?" and then a pause.

It was late by then, very late. Around 2. Which isn't so bad, in wolf form, when we've got a task to do, like stop Leech War 17 or whatever. But in human form, when you're tired, you start saying stupid shit you shouldn't say. The whole benefit of being human is that your packmates don't have to hear every stupidass thing that pops into your mind. But get tired and comfortable (curled up in a comfy little Ferrari) and your filter dies. At least that's what I'm thinking as I wash the plate clean of the tuna salad, watching my mother get soup ready for Charlie (and me, and Seth, probably). I'm going to blame the conversation on the tiredness. That's the only way to explain Jacob's stupid question about being like Sam and everything else that came after.

Because after the pause, I said, in a voice as quiet as the one Jacob used earlier, "they want me at their wedding, _in_ their damn wedding because it will mean they haven't done anything wrong." No need to say that Rosalie said it first, Jacob will only make fun of me more.

I was watching him as I said it, watching him in a tired, unfocused way. So I saw the muscles in his arm tighten and his jaw clench. He shifted gears. "They have done something wrong," and then Jacob turned and looked me straight in the eye. "They have done something wrong, Leah. They hurt you. And there's no excuse for it. _None_." And then he swallows and goes back to watching the road.

Awake, alert, fed-on-tuna-salad Leah thinks "Wow. Something is really going on with Jake." But the special nighttime version of myself, the tired, thinking about Sam and my pretty cousin, unfocusedly staring at the muscles in Jacob's arm (I was _tired_, okay? Really tired! And there wasn't anything else in the car to look at) Leah was not addressing such subtleties. I just smiled up at Jacob. Smiled because he was upset that I had been hurt, because for so many months when I was in Sam's pack everyone hated me, _everyone_, and now I had Jacob on my side and seeing him say something nice made me smile. Maybe I was getting soft.

So as I smiled up at Jake, I said, "I thought you thought I was a harpy," and instead of telling me that I was just less annoying than Paul, or that all his afternoons in Casa de Vampire had given him new appreciation for what it means to be a harpy (I should thank Rosalie for providing a baseline) he told me that he understood now and that he didn't think it was right.

"Oh you understand, now that Bella has done a happydance on your fragile widdle heart you understand how sucky my life is?" and I elbowed him. As if loosing a hopeless, pathetic schoolboy crush on freaking _Bella_ is like having years of an actual relationship wrenched away by my damn cousin. Jacob just looked at me out of the corner of his eye and told me that no, he wasn't talking about Bella. He was talking about Nessie.

"Sweet! I love soup! Can I have some? When will it be ready?" Seth bounds into the kitchen, startling everyone. I nearly drop the plate that's long clean by now. I dry it too quickly and shove it in the cabinet.

"Seth, what have I told you about clean feet?" My mother says tiredly. The soup's already on the stove, and it smells great. My stomach growls loudly. Ugh, just another great part of being a werewolf shape-changer thing. Well, at least I wasn't as bad as the boys. "I don't care if you want to run around in the forest barefoot as a wolf, but you will wash your dirty feet before you come in my kitchen, young man," Mom is saying.

Wow, she's wound up tight today. I wonder if it's because Charlie is here. Or if it's because I am home and now she has to cook for two bottomless pits instead of one. Seth rolls his eyes behind Mom's back and grins at me.

"You were out late last night, sis. Wild date with a, I don't know, a poltergeist or something?" I glare at him. "You know, because of the whole mythical creatures thing?" It's truly sad that Seth feels he has to explain his lame jokes. Charlie actually looks more than a little uncomfortable with the direction this conversation is going. "Leah was dating a merman," he says to Mom and Charlie, "but he started acting all fishy," and he starts laughing.

"No, Seth, I'm actually dating a zombie, and we're just biding our time until he eats your brain. Oh wait, you don't have one. Aha," I tell him in a deadpan voice.

"Ooooooh, wow, you're so witty! I wish I was in wolf form _right now_ so I could hear every thought that pops into your twisted female brain. Oh wait, no I don't!"

"Yeah, that'd be great, and then all I'd get to hear your constant monologue about how great you think Lord Jacob is,"

"It's better than hearing _you_ think about—"

"Um…" comes a pathetic little voice from across the kitchen. We both look over at Charlie. "None of those things are real, right?'

"No, of course not!" Mom says, ladling up four bowls of soup. Two of which are larger than the others. "Don't joke about mythical creatures in front of Charlie."

"Hey, Charlie, Bella's not a mermaid, don't worry. Although you probably would have noticed. And she's not a poltergeist or zombie either," Seth says, sitting down next to him. "So you watching the Seahawks tonight?"

The soup is good. Everything my mother cooks is good. It's easy enough to tune out Seth and Charlie chattering about sports. Mom looks happy when she finally sits down. Huh, well, that's something, at least.

Tomorrow, or maybe the next day, I'm going back over to the Crypt. To hang out with my leech buddies. Or something. God, how do I even get myself into these situations? Anyway, I promised Alice I'd come back, and it's really hard to say no to Alice.

As I eat my soup I think about last night again. It's all sort of fuzzy. Not like drunken-fuzzy, but like those late-night memories where you can't remember exactly what you said or what was said to you. Jacob was definitely upset about something. And we drove around for a long, long time. "Silly boy, aren't you tired yet?" I finally asked him. It wasn't that I wanted to go home, back to my mother's house, but I didn't want him to think he had to keep me out for my sake. To show me the car, or cheer me up, since I'm such a bitter old maid.

He shook his head. "I like driving you," he murmured. "The speed's pretty good."

"If it's speed you want, we could run around as wolves," I told him.

"Then I'd have to listen to your thoughts," he paused. "I like talking to you. Sometimes it's nice telling you things because I want you to know them, not because you hear me think them. And…. Being out here, with you, driving, doing something very human, it's like _I'm_ human again." Wow, he must have been as tired as I was, but I didn't appreciate it last night. So I snorted out a sort of laugh.

"We're more human than some."

"I feel like how I used to feel, when I was a wolf, but…." He trailed off. I really had no idea what he was getting at, but I was curious. We hadn't really talked this much, this openly, since before Nessie was born. We were friends, and packmates, but not exactly confidantes. I used to think it was because he didn't need that in his life. But I suppose I didn't know much about his life now. "…sometimes when I am out here by myself, or sometimes when I am with you, I feel like I did before I imprinted."

I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. The words start tumbling out of his mouth,"It's hard for me, being away from Nessie. I hate even letting her out of my sight. It's like… like there's a chunk of me that's hers, and hers entirely. And when I'm with her, that part of me is all that I am. There's nothing else, nothing else matters but her. But other times… I feel different. Like now, when I'm with you. And it's weird. It's like being two different people, but both of them are still me."

He was being so serious; I was tempted to pat his arm, like Alice had done for me. But I didn't.

The next time he speaks, it's even quieter. "If I could, I would phase and run up north and see how long I could stay a wolf. See how I felt, see who I was. But I can't, I can't leave her," and then our eyes met, and he said, "I'm so jealous of you being able to leave like that…"

I shake my head, as if a physical gesture can clear away persistent thoughts. Seth and I are polishing off the last of the soup. Charlie is talking to Mom now. "You look thoughtful, Leah," my little brother says to me, quietly. I shrug. "Jacob said Bella said Alice said that you were going back over to the Cullens' soon." I shrug again. As if I need Seth to be my social secretary.

"Hey, Dweeb, don't you have any actual friends you could annoy, instead of me?"

"Oh, yeah, Shorty, because there's _sooo _many people to chill with. Oh, I know! I could go kick it with the other pack. That's a great idea."

I let out a quick laugh despite myself. "It's ridiculous that it's less awkward to run around with bloodsuckers than with our own kind," as soon as the word 'bloodsucker' has left my lips, I regret it instantly. My eyes flick over to Charlie, but he hasn't noticed nor heard. He's busy talking to Mom about the new building going into Forks. That was close. Seth kicks my shin under the table. So I jab him with my spoon.

* * *

Fastening my bra in the middle of a forest is about as far from fun as I can imagine. It's always getting stuck on brambles. Oh, and that's on top of sometimes when I'm a wolf, I get the feeling that I should be wearing _three_ bras. Ugh. And yes, I brought the shoes. I never go anywhere, so if I want to wear the damn things, it's going to be around the Cullen's supercreepy house. As great as "neutral ground" was… I'm really not in the mood to sit in a car in Port Angeles.

I go up the walk and knock on the front door. Alice's husband, the blond one, opens it. "You don't have to knock, you know. The other dogs don't," he steps aside and lets me in.

Alice and Rosalie are waiting for me inside. As I walk over to them, I turn my head around and tell Jasper that, "Well, one of us has to be civilized."

It doesn't smell as bad as the first time I was here last week. The windows are open, though, and they seem to have a fan set up. I wonder if they got it when Jacob started hanging out here all the time. He's not here now—he and Bella took Spawn to kill a poor little innocent animal, most likely Bambi's mother. I don't see Edward, or the muscley one, Rosalie's husband, anywhere. Or, come to think of it, the so-called "parents" of this little leech squad. Now that I'm like, hanging out with Rosalie and Alice, maybe I should stop thinking horrible thoughts about leeches.

Or not. It's not my fault they're bloodsuckers.

"Thanks for coming by," Alice says as I pour myself into one of the chairs. I make a noncommittal noise and tuck my feet up under me.

"So we got you a present," Rosalie says, her voice neutral. I like that about her, that she doesn't feel the need to enthuse over every damn thing, like Bella. Well, Bella mostly just whines. Ugh. Why did Jacob even like her for so long? I would hang myself if I was in love with someone who moped and whined and cried every freakin' day.

I raise my eyebrow at Rosalie. "That was very kind of you. Is it a leash? A Frisbee?"

"Oh, no, we should have gotten more accessories!" Alice hisses to her.

"Uh… in that case…. A bracelet? Did you guys get me a nice little silver bracelet? Or silver earrings?" I ask, trying to keep a straight face.

"NO!" Alice is practically bouncing up and down where she's sitting. "Jasper! Go get him!" Her husband sighs and rolls his eyes, going into the kitchen. I wonder briefly if their kitchen is missing the usual sink, oven, etc, and just has about 20 freezers full of blood that Dr Sparkly steals from the blood bank. Hm But I suppose if they had their own little supply here, they wouldn't always be off decimating the wild animal population.

I am actually a tad excited to see what they got me. I am expecting, I don't know… an action figure of a werewolf? Or some sort of ridiculous anthology of werewolf mythology? Sort of like how I was tempted to buy them this book I saw the other day called _Vampirates_. What I am certainly not expecting is the tiny dog that charges into the oversized main room and beings running around wildly.

"What the hell is that?" I ask, pointing.

"That's your present! He's an Italian Greyhound!" Alice chirps happily, while Rosalie calls the dog over to us.

It is the funniest looking dog I have ever seen. Like a typical greyhound…. But… small. Very small. With a tiny little body suspended on freakishly long legs. And it can't walk right or something, because it's wobbling all over the place.

"He's a puppy," Rosalie is telling me while she pets his hyperactive body. "But he won't get much bigger."

"You guys got me a dog?" I finally ask.

"No, we got you a coffee table," Jasper tells me, sitting down next to Alice. "It just looks like a dog."

Ok, so I have to admit, the puppy is pretty cute. Quite small though. But not small in an annoying, celebrity lapdog kind of way. With those ludicrous legs, it doesn't look like he'd fit in a purse or anything gross like that.

Alice is petting him now as she explains more about the dog to me, "Italian greyhounds love to run very quickly, so we thought you could, you know, run around with him." The puppy notices me, and comes over to where I am sitting. Instead of sitting and letting me pet him like he did for the others, he promptly jumps up on me.

"Awww, he likes you!" Alice giggles.

"Of course he does. She's warm," Jasper says to her, putting his arm around his wife's shoulders.

"That's why we had to get a puppy and not a dog—we had to condition it not to hate us, just because we're vampires," says Alice. Wow, they put a lot of thought into this.

And… I'm sort of touched. No one's ever given me an overly hyperactive dog before.

"His name is Scott," says Rosalie, watching me and the dog with a slight smirk. Or is it a smile?

"Scott? Not like, Rover or something?" I ask. Rosalie just rolls her eyes at me. "Or, you know, something exotic? Usually when people give dogs human names they make them exotic ones. Like—"

"Marmaduke?" Alice asks. "That's what _I _wanted to name him."

"I wanted to name him 'dinner'" Jasper says in an undertone, looking away. He smirks after he says it.

"Oh, yeah, threaten to eat Leah's dog. That's real nice," Rosalie snaps back, glaring at him. Wow, this family seems to play-argue just as much as I do with my charming little packmates.

"I can't help it that the dog, sorry, _Scott_ or _Marmaduke_ or _Rover _or whatever he's called, smells like food," he looks up at me and smiles, "I'm sorry, Leah, does that offend you? That this puppy smells more like food than you do?" and he tries to give me what I am sure he _thinks_ is his most dangerous smile.

"Yes, I'm really, really sad that my lifelong ambition of smelling like food to a foul bloodsucker has been thwarted."

"I just meant because humans smell the best, but you and your pack smell worse than dog to me, I was wondering if that upset you?" still, with the same smile, plus now an arched eyebrow. Alice and Rosalie are watching us, Rosalie with a grin, Alice like she might separate us if we come close to physical violence. I should reassure her later that I won't mess up her husband's pretty face.

"Maybe we don't smell like food to you, leech, because if you ever came near one of us, we'd probably break all your bones and otherwise kick your ass, and that would be really sad for you, wouldn't it?" Scott, or whatever the dog's name is, is nuzzling my hand as I say this. I smile at the girls. "By the way, thank you for the dog. He's pretty cute."

"You like him?" asks Alice, "We weren't sure if you would. Jacob said shape-shifters don't have time to take care of pets, but—"

"—we wanted to remind you that men are dogs," interrupts Rosalie, "Aren't they, Scott, yes they are, yes they are!" she addresses that last part to the dog. "Oh, and his name isn't really Scott. You can name him whatever you want."

"Or you can let Bella name him," says Jasper.

* * *

AN: Thank you for all the reviews and favorites I've been getting! Please continue! Reviews make me excited to update more! And thank you to the people who took the time to put this on C2 lists! I hope everyone is still enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it. I am especially excited about all of you Blackwater fans who reviewed—I think maybe you can tell that I am I in your camp.

Lastly, I hope no one is too upset that Bella hasn't really been in this fic a lot. I'd probably make her trip off a cliff into a meat-shredder and then land in some gasoline with a strategically placed magnifying glass over her, igniting her instantly. That's the only way I can think of to get rid of her, now that's she's a vampire. (I don't really _hate_ her. But I think Leah does.)


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Yes, an actual pre-chapter author's note. Don't worry, you'll get one at the end, too. I just wanted to give you a heads up that I had a question about Jasper's comment that Bella could name the dog (my attempt at ending the chapter on a a witty punchline… which failed). Hopefully I subtly explain in this chapter why Jasper would have said that. (Of course it's not really subtle now that I've put in this AN, but what can you do?). See, if you ask me questions, I _will_ answer them!

Lastly, Just like the Twilight books are not mine, they are Stephanie Meyer's, _Middlemarch _is not mine, it is George Elliot (who is actually a woman). The quotation I use in this chapter is from _Middlemarch_, which should be pretty obvious…

* * *

Let's see… leash? Check. Already in my basket. But do I even need one? When do I take him walking with a leash? I usually just run around with him in the forest… Still, if Mom wanted to take him on a walk or if he had to go to the vet or something, he'd need one. Ok, what's next?

Collar? He came with one. Oooh, but I should get one of those little harnesses so the leash doesn't pull too tightly on his neck… And more dog food. He needs more food.

"What's your dog's name?" my head snaps up at the sound of the strange male voice. I was completely lost in thought, staring blankly at a display of general dog paraphernalia, when this, this _man_ sneaked up on me. And now he's talking to me.

"Uh…" Yes, I am famed for my man-talking skills. "Um, Scott."

"Oh, is he a Scotty dog?" Ew, the man is _smiling _at me now, in a sort of condescending way. Why is he even talking to me? First of all, he's too old, second of all, who talks to girls in pet shops anyway? What is _that _about?

"…..no. No, he's not a Scotty dog." I finally force out. Why does everyone think that? Scott is a perfectly normal, male name. I wonder if Scott is grateful to me for having such a decent name. Letting him keep the name Rosalie gave him just shows that I like him. If I hated him, I would have let Bella name him, like Jasper suggested. Actually, after we all stopped laughing, I was surprised that even the other bloodsuckers made fun of Bella about her naming-skills.

After the "Renesmee" fiasco, Bella shouldn't even be allowed to name a houseplant, let alone my dog.

And the man is looking at me with his eyebrows raised. Like he's waiting for me to tell him what breed of dog I own. What the hell? What exactly about me screams "Oh, please come talk to me!" I am tempted to say, 'he's a wild, killer part-wolf dog and he eats people like you,' but this actually just describes some kind of combination between myself and the leeches.

"He's an Italian greyhound," I finally tell the man, whom I have named "Sketchy McSleezeball." I run my hand through my hair nervously. It's getting longish—I've been growing it out since I've realized that Jacob is, too. If he can handle long fur that gets brambles stuck in it, then so can I. Anyway, I'd rather have Jake-hair than Sam-hair.

"Scott is a pretty unusual name for an Iggy," God, what is this guy's problem? Doesn't he have a job or something?I look at his chest quickly to make sure he's not wearing a nametag or something that would identify him as an employee of the store—that would make me feel really dumb for naming him Sketchy McSleezeball. But no. I was right.

"Uh, yeah, well, he's a pretty special dog," I say with as much bitchiness as possible. Dammit, he made me forget what else I was getting for Scott. Oh, right, dog food. I head in that direction. Sketchy takes the hint and crawls off back to his little lair to plot how to annoy countless other women, I am sure.

I finally get all the things Scott needs and go up to the counter to pay. I've even got about 8 different kinds of special doggie treats. When I open my purse to get out my wallet, I find an envelope tucked in there that I've never seen before. I open it, and inside is a giftcard to the pet store that I'm standing in. From Rosalie. Huh.

That's a pretty nice gesture—now I can buy lots of random things for Scott guilt-free. But it's also kind of borderline creepy. The creepy part is wondering how she got this card into my purse. She must have done it while I was at the Crypt, since the Cullens aren't allowed in La Push.

"Did you find everything alright?" the salesgirl asks.

"Uh, actually, I'm looking for a pet for my friends. I was wondering if you guys had leeches?"

"Leeches?"

"Yeah, you know. Like maybe in a fish tank or something?

"Um, no, miss, we don't have leeches. Oh. I get it, it's a joke—are your friends lawyers?"

"No. They are not _lawyers_. I just really want to get them a pet leech or two. Do you have any other kind of leech-like animals?"

The cashier is staring at me like I've grown a third eye. "No…"

"Anything that feeds on blood?"

"No, I'm… sorry?"

* * *

Why am I even doing this? I am way past the point of thinking I have some weird disease—some disease that Jacob and Seth have that I caught from them that makes us willingly spend time with leeches. Well, I guess for Jacob it isn't so much willing, as he is forced to by the imprinting. Still. So why do I keep going over to their house? Actually, I _know_ why, and that's what scares me.

After so long alone, after so many months and years wishing I could have friends again, friends like Emily was my friend, once… well, now I have friends, sort of. God, when did I start thinking of the leeches as my friends? This is all Alice's fault. She's too damn nice. So nice that I can't say no to her. And Rosalie is… well, she's not nice. But she's bitter as hell about something and I like that. It makes me feel like less of a monster because I'm not happy all the time.

The other thing that I like about Rosalie is that even though her life hasn't been perfect (and I still don't know what's wrong,) she doesn't sit around and cry about it. She doesn't indulge in ridiculous and adolescent displays of pointless rebellion. Oh yes, Jake told me about the stupid shit Bella used to pull when her pwecious widdle Eddie left her… Ugh. When I used to torment Sam's pack, I didn't do it because I wanted attention. I didn't do it because I wanted Sam to feel sorry for me. I did it because I couldn't fucking deal with the way Sam looked at me when I wasn't being a bitch. Like he was some pathetic little puppy that I'd kicked. Like _I_ had somehow hurt _him_ just by existing, by being there in his pack, reminding him of what he had done just by being there.

Rosalie seems like that, too. Like she deals with shit, instead of whining about it and making other people take care of her.

Getting dressed in the forest is getting easier, even with Scott running around at my feet. Actually, I've been phasing for so long that yeah, of course it's easy to get back into human mode. What I mean is that getting dressed in _real_ clothes is easier now, since I keep a stash in a canvas bag tied in a tree near the Cullens'. Convenient that they live in the middle of nowhere. It's not tied high up in the tree, or anything—climbing trees naked, wow does that sound like a barrel of not fun. I can get it with my teeth if I jump. As a wolf, that is. It's all very well for Jacob to parade around in shorts to prove to the leeches that he's wild and uncivilized (since bloodsuckers in general seem to fancy themselves the highlight of society) and that they haven't tamed him, but _some_ of us like wearing pants.

None of the other wolves ever wear more clothing than Jacob does, not right after they phase. None of them bother me though, not like Jake does. I wonder why. I wonder why he's the only one I notice.

For an instant, I'm thinking about Sam. I never think about Sam. I mean, I think about Sam and _her_, about how much I hate them both, but I don't remember things… I used to, when he first left me and there was a gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be, and then again, I tortured myself with memories of him, when I was first in his pack and had to see myself through his eyes, see how pathetic he thought I was, pathetic and lonely without him. But for an instant, walking up toward the Cullens' sepulchral mansion, I remember when he came to me, after he phased for the first time, but before he saw my cousin. When everyone but me thought he had a drug problem, some unspeakable reason for his disappearance.

He'd kissed me, and clung to me, shaking. His clothes were torn, he was barefoot, and there was so much fear in his eyes. He'd asked me to cut his hair. I didn't know why, but I had done it. "As short as possible" he kept insisting. So I did. It looked horrible, but it was what he wanted. And then he pulled me to him, and was pleading, "Leah, don't leave me, please don't leave me," over and over again, like a mantra.

I sat in his lap, wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and whispered, "I will never leave you."

The bastard. But I did leave him. Finally. The day I ran off to Jacob's little renegade pack.

Why am I even thinking about this? The wedding is coming up pretty quickly—assuming they don't put it off again, but still. I look down at Scott, who is standing right by my side. Alice was right, he does love running. And it's fun to have someone to run with… Scott's nowhere near as fast as I am—how could he be, with those short legs (abnormally large for his tiny body, yes, but nowhere near as long as a werewolf's) but we still had fun running in the forest. "Scott, why am I thinking about Sam?" I ask, and he looks up at me with his big, brown eyes. I wonder briefly if that's what Nessie looks at Jacob. The thought makes me laugh.

Scott and I go up to Rosalie's room—yeah, I've stopped knocking, just like the boys. I suppose it's hers and Emmett's, but it seems pretty feminine. And if any of the leeches are feminine, it's not Emmett (Jasper, though, is kinda feminine.) She's got a whole separate little sitting room attached to the bedroom, and that's where we go. Scott is tired from the run over here, so he goes and curls up on one of the loveseats. I sit next to him. Rosalie comes in with a big bowl of pretzels and puts it on the table. "That's for you, obviously."

"Oh, really? I thought they started making snacks in blood flavor so you and your family could partake" I reply, helping myself to the pretzels.

"Anyway, you'd better enjoy them now, before your little doggie friends show up and eat all the human food in the house" she glances at Scott. "No offense, Scott."

And we talk. About this and that and nothing really important. But it makes me happy. I'm smiling easier now. I've been smiling easier ever since that day when Alice and Rosalie and I sat in an empty parking lot in Port Angeles. Plus I have Scott. So I'm busy, busy enough that when I fall asleep I don't dream of being in Sam's arms. The worst part wasn't even the dreams, it was waking up after the dreams, hating myself for this _weakness_. Rosalie tells me I don't miss Sam, I miss being held.

I eat pretzels like a woman possessed as we chatter and gossip. I tell her about my mom and Charlie and she freaks out and says, "really? _Really_?!" a bunch of times. Apparently when Charlie's not at my house eating, he sometimes comes over to watch the Mariners or the Seahawks with Edward and Jacob. He and Billy are talking again at least, (I tell Rosalie about how they stopped speaking for awhile), and sometimes I guess he goes over to Billy's for the games, but obviously Billy doesn't come here. I wonder out-loud to Rosalie what will happen if Nessie grows up and marries Jacob. Then even Billy will be part of their big bloodsucking family.

She giggles. "Do you know what Emmett said the other night?"

There are a lot of smartass retorts I could make, but I'm not sure if Rosalie and I know each other well enough for that. "No, what?"

"He said, "Gee, Rose, wouldn't it be great if Jacob and Nessie got married and had a son and then Leah could imprint on their son.'"

I laugh, I can't help it. That's just about the grossest thing I've ever heard. "Uh, yeah, okay, that's my new life plan. Falling in love with Bella's grandson. Yup. What could be better?"

She cracks up at that and we're both bent over double when Emmett walks into the room. He looks at us, raises an eyebrow, and scoops up Scott. "Poor Scott, you don't want to be in here with these crazy women, do you boy?" he says as he carries my dog downstairs.

As soon as he's gone, I regret not yelling at him for his little me-imprinting comment. "Why do you all want me to imprint so badly, anyway?" I ask Rosalie, as if she could answer for family. She shrugs.

"Oh, but I have to tell you the rest! You know how I feel about not being able to have children, so you have to understand that this is _totally_ a joke, but, ok, so Alice was there, and she was like, seriously considering setting you up with her unborn great-nephew. And then she gets this look on her face, right, and says, 'Actually, I really don't want Nessie pregnant! So, if they look like they are falling in love or something, I mean, when Nessie is older, if I ever walk in on her making out or whatever with Jacob, swear to God, I am having him fixed.'"

"Wait," I ask, stunned, "Little Alice said _that_?" She nods.

"So even though it's totally not funny to me to joke about not being able to have a baby… It is actually kind of funny," she says with a smile.

"Especially because it's Jake," I giggle. "But Alice is right, they really _shouldn't_ breed."

"They could create their own race of werewolf-vampire things!"

"Ok, so I'm on-board with the whole neutering Jacob thing, if it spares the world that,"

"We could get it done when Scott gets fixed next month."

"I don't even know if that will be necessary. Do you really think they'll get together?" I ask, thinking about the conversation I had with Jacob a few weeks ago in Bella's Ferrari when he seemed so…afraid.

She shrugs. "Don't know. Do you know something I don't?" Her eyebrow has an arch to it, and she's looking at me, like she's trying to decide whether or not to say something.

Then she says, with a completely different, matter-of-fact tone, "Nessie's been asking about you. She's curious. You should talk to her."

"She asked about me?"

"Uh, well, she doesn't really do verbal communication when she can avoid it," she says.

"So she thought about my face and then imagined a big question mark?"

"No. She sort of… I don't know. She's been doing this thing lately where she shows me everyone… For the last few weeks, she's been showing me Esme and Carlisle, and then Bella and Edward, and Jasper and Alice, and then me and Emmett and then you and Jacob, when you two were over with your brother last month…." Her voice trails off, but then she starts speaking really quickly. "I think she's curious about you. It's probably because there are so few new people in her life, I mean, you are the only person beside your brother and Charlie that she knows who's not a vampire. I mean, other than Jacob, of course."

* * *

It's the weekend, so apparently I have nothing better to do than hang out with the Cullens all day. What started as just me, Rosalie, and Scott, became a sort of vampire-werewolf social hour, when all the parasites came home and even Jacob and Seth showed up.

Embry and Quil must be freaking out, what with the rest of the pack over here with the bloodsuckers all the time, but oh well. Like I care what those two think. I wonder if Jake has invited them over…Quil probably doesn't want his darling baby Claire anywhere near the leeches, with good reason. Although she's small…not much of a meal, I mean. And Embry. For all I know, Embry is wandering around trying to imprint on someone. Or trying to figure out who his father is… I do actually feel sorry for Embry. Not that I will ever tell him. But he should have kept his damn thoughts about how pathetic I was after Sam left me to himself, the immature bastard. Wait… that's not actually a good insult to use against Embry. Since he actually is a bastard, I mean.

And here's the cutest part of tonight. Dr Cullen brought pizza home. The kind where you get it made and then take it home to cook. Yeah, I guess calling a pizza delivery boy out here to the house isn't such a good idea. And yet, kinda funny. I wonder if regular vampires do that when they are hungry… God, what the hell is wrong with me? Stop laughing about vampires killing people, Leah.

It was a lot of pizza. Enough to feed Jake, Seth, me, and for Nessie to have a piece. She ate it, sitting curled at Jacob's side, with the most confused look on her creepy little face. Chewing very exactly. "She prefers blood," Esme told me. Aw, how cute. Not.

Still, Nessie might be the Queen of Creepy, but her mother is the Empress of Annoying.

Will someone please explain to me what the hell is wrong with Jacob's taste in women?

After pizza…. And here's where it gets weird. I mean, it was at like 8 on the weirdometer, but now it's at 15, sort of thing. Anyway, After pizza, Nessie the Spawn came over to "talk" to me. We were all sitting on the floor, Emmett and Jacob having moved the furniture to the back wall. She came over and sat cross legged across from me. And just looked at me.

Fucking. Ridiculously. Creepy.

Edward the Loveleech glared at me for thinking that. Then he glared at me even more for thinking of him as the "Loveleech." So I started imagining a little leech snuggling up to another little leech with little cartoon hearts pouring off of them. Then I imagined a cursive script above the leeches, one saying "Edward" and the other "Bella." His glare intensified. Some people just don't appreciate my subtle humor.

I will have to tell Rosalie about it later. Alice would probably just say something about how I shouldn't be too hard on the happy couple. But Rosalie will actually laugh.

Damn, Spawn is still staring at me. "Uh, hi, Nessie, how are you?" I say to her. She holds out her hand. Ew, she wants me to touch her.

So for some reason (drugged pizza?), I do.

She shows me the cover of a book, _Pride and Prejudice. _I say it out loud and Esme, who seems to have taken on the role of talking to me about Spawn, says, "Oh, she's been reading a lot of books from the Romantic and Victorian periods." I blink at her. The kid is three. She looks eight. Who the hell reads _Pride and Prejudice_ at that age?

"Renesmee is incredibly gifted mentally. She's been reading lots of books that other people don't read until they are much older." Damn, Loveleechy sounds really, really snooty when he says that. If he doesn't stop reading my mind, I'm going to go back to thinking about little leeches in love.

Nessie shakes my hand to get my attention again. She shows me her mom holding the book and smiling. "Bella loves literature from that period," Edward translates.

"I'm sorry," says a soft, musical voice. My head snaps back to Nessie in shock. There are freaking words coming out of her mouth. "I usually use words with people I don't know. But I like you, so I was showing, instead of talking. It is more intimate. If it makes you uncomfortable, Leah Clearwater, I can speak,"

Oh. My. God. That was weird.

"Uh, no, you can do your picture thing, uh, Nessie," I stammer. Why did the kid have to be so polite to me?

So here's what I understood from what she showed me, and told me, and her father and grandmother helped with. The Cullens are home schooling her—she grows too quickly for regular school. Since Bella apparently has a thing for _Wuthering Heights_, which I personally hated, Nessie read it. And then all the Austen books, and so on. So apparently Nessie wants to sit here on the floor and discuss literature with me.

Kid is weird. Very, very weird.

She's pretty well read. All romances, though. With a family like hers, I don't know how she can stand sugary-sweet endings. It seems like overkill. Just for the hell of it, I ask her if she's read _Dracula_. She says her mom doesn't want her to.

So I start to tell her about it. "Actually, it's a really good book. Much better, and much different, from all of the movies. And very ahead of it's time. Stoker narrates the book with diaries and letters. But, uh, it's not very sympathetic to vampires." Nessie shows me her mom telling her that she can't read any books about vampires, saying that they are untrue and hurtful. "So no Anne Rice for you, huh, kid?" I ask. Spawn shakes her head.

Speaking of Bella, she's over talking to Dr Cullen about something. Edward and Esme are still here with me and Nessie. Emmett, Jasper and Seth are over in the corner, laughing their asses off at something. Wow. What the hell is wrong with my brother? I'm going to have to have a little chat with him about fraternizing with bloodsuckers. Rosalie and Alice are went off upstairs to get something awhile back. And Jacob, who had been talking to the other boys, is staring at me with his mouth open. Completely gobsmacked.

I roll my eyes at him. Yes, I am talking to his effing creepy girlfriend. No, I don't want him to ask me about it.

And just like that, Nessie runs off. She darts over to the corner and digs around in her little bag. When she comes back to me, she's holding a dog-eared copy of _Middlemarch_.

"Damn," I say. Spawn does not shy away from reading. Edward is glaring at me for swearing in front of his daughter. If she's mature enough to be reading so much, she's probably mature enough to handle one freaking swearword.

She hands me the book and touches my arm. She shows me that she really likes this one, better than all of the Austen books. But she isn't finished yet. Still, she thinks the people are more real in this book than in the others. She wants to know if I have read it, and what I thought. I tell her, "Yeah. I read it in high school." When I was still dating Sam. He teased me about doing such heavy reading outside of class, but hey, I enjoyed it. "It took me forever to get through, though," I add. She smiles her creepy little Spawn smile.

"Renesmee is a very fast reader," says Loveleechy the Proud Father. Of course she is.

I start flipping through the pages and open to one at random, starting to read from the top of the page.

"…_but he has always been civil to me, and I don't see why I should spoil his sport. For anything I can tell, Miss Brooke may be happier with him than she would be with any other man."  
_

"_Humphrey! I have no patience with you. You know you would rather dine under the hedge than with Casaubon alone. You have nothing to say to each other."_

_"What has that to do with Miss Brooke's marrying him? She does not do it for my amusement."_

_"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James._

_"No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying-glass and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader._

Nessie interrupts me, wondering what part I am at. I show her. She tells me she thinks this book is very sad, sometimes. I nod. "It's about people being human," I say. "Making mistakes. Even the characters I hate in that book, they are all human, and flawed. But they all have real reasons for doing what they do."

She nods knowingly. Wow. Seeing that much maturity in her face, it's too bizarre. Bella wanders over to where I am talking to her daughter. She looks at Edward questioningly. He smiles and nods. So, what, was Bella freaked that I might scar her daughter? I think _I_ should be more worried that her daughter would try to go for my jugular or something. "Oh, Leah, you like that book?" She asks me, gesturing to her daughter's paperback, which I am still holding. I shrug and nod. Bella says, "I like Jane Austen better. _Middlemarch_ is too…" she can't think of the word.

So her little darlin' bloodsucker finishes for her. "In Austen, the women all end up married to the men of their dreams," he says and kisses her. I try not to vomit. Instead I imagine leeches cuddling. It's obviously distressing to Edward, because he stops kissing his wife. Thank god. I would have thrown the book at their heads. I hate Public Displays of Affection.

"But in _Middlemarch_, people marry people they shouldn't. They choose wrong," she says, like she's just realizing that's her problem with the book. She giggles, "No wonder I don't like it. It's not very romantic!"

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Nessie is looking at me with a little too much focus. She gives me the weirdest smile. Like she knows something that I don't. Like she's proud of herself.

Freak.

Nessie gives me one last little glance and runs over to where Jacob is standing. He swoops her up into his arms instantly. It makes her look even smaller, since Jacob is so freakishly large. Well, maybe I shouldn't say that, since I'm tall, too.

"That was nice of you, Leah, to talk to our daughter," says the Parasite, his parasitic arm still wrapped around his equally parasitic wife. I shrug at him and think _No problem, I guess. Rosalie said she was curious about me. _

He regards me carefully and says, "You're less mean that you were the first time I heard your thoughts—when we were training to fight."

_And you're still as annoying. _I would have thought even more horrible things, but Mrs. Leech is talking. "Nessie so rarely gets to meet new people—as soon as she's done growing, she can go to high school or college, but for now, she gets lonely."

Before I start lying about how I don't mind talking to Spawn (who seems almost more creepy now than she did before), we're interrupted.

By Jacob.

He's running around the room, holding Nessie straight out in a sort of Superman pose, screaming "Attack of the killer squirrel." Swooping all over the massive room.

And Nessie is giggling hysterically. Kid won't talk, but she'll laugh like a freak.

Bella and Edward seem to find it pretty amusing. They are looking at each other like "Aw, isn't that cute. Our freakyass-monster-child has a babysitter!" Actually, all of the leeches, _and my own brother_ seem to find it funny. Then my gaze finds Jasper's. He rolls his eyes at me.

I start laughing. And I am sure everyone else thinks I am laughing about how "cute" Nessie is.

* * *

It's getting late, now. Jacob sets Nessie down at last, and her parents decide it's her bedtime. Apparently Spawns sleep, leeches don't. But I'm actually…enjoying myself, giggling with Rosalie and Alice. So when Bella and Edward and Nessie leave, I don't. And Jacob says he has to stay to keep an eye on me. I thought for sure that the second Nessie was out of the house, Jacob would be gone. I sort of imagined Jacob, in wolf form, sleeping in front of their cottage door. I guess not.

* * *

It's even later now… Seth says he should go, even though tomorrow is Sunday, so it's not like he has school. He says he doesn't want Mom to worry. I tell him Mom has been asleep for awhile now, but he just shrugs. Damn responsible boy. He leaves. And still I'm laughing and talking with Rosalie and Alice, and even some of the other leeches. What the hell?! What is wrong with me? They are vampire bloodsucker parasites…

* * *

It's even later, later. I'm sleepy. Really, really sleepy. I should go home now. But La Push seems kinda far away right now… God I am tired… Rosalie is smiling at me kinda funnily… Is funnily a word? Anyway, she's smiling all oddly…So tired…

* * *

AN:

Thank you to everyone who is reading this! But especially to everyone who has taken the time to review—it really, really means a lot to me, and does inspire me to write more! I'm having too much fun exploring Leah's mind and how I think her character would evolve, if she were just given some time.

Maybe I should say a bit about the Nessie thing. Yes, Leah talked to Nessie. And if Nessie is a brilliant as Bella thinks she is in _Breaking Dawn_, then she's probably more observant than Bella… I just tried to show her being slightly… off. She's supposedly different from everyone else in the world, so that's why in this chapter she is talking to Leah about Victorian literature. Nessie is very smart in some ways, but she's only 3—she doesn't have any life experiences and so she is trying to make sense of life via books that she's read or things her parents and Rosalie and Jacob have told her.

Last but not least, _Middlemarch_. I really enjoy that book. And no, I am not trying to say that Jacob has no red blood in him. Personally I think Jacob has enough red blood for himself and a few other guys, too. But if Stephanie Meyer can use "Romeo and Juliet" and _Wuthering Heights_ to anchor some of her books, then I can use _Middlemarch _in this chapter. And what Bella, Nessie, and Edward say about it is exactly right—unlike _Pride and Prejudice_, it's about people who make the wrong choice in who to marry because they have some preconceived idea of the sort of person they should be with and they don't see something that's right in front of their faces. (Interpret that as you will.)


	6. Chapter 6

I'm warm, so warm. And comfy. I'm dreaming that Sam is holding me, that I am curled up at his side. For a dream, it's pretty good. I didn't know dreams could have smells in them, but Sam smells really nice. Different from how I remember, though. Still, very masculine. I keep my eyes squeezed shut. _Such a good dream. _

_Mmmm_ this is nice. I snuggle my face up closer to his chest. My arm is sprawled across him. I feel his hair with my fingertips. Long hair? This must be before he phased the first time. But he seems so muscular… God, this _is_ a good dream. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to hate myself for having this dream, for wanting this.

A little warm bundle shifts somewhere in the region of my shin. That must be Scott. Scott isn't allowed in my bed! This isn't my bed, though. This is an odd dream.

Wait. Sudden morning realization dawns over me. It's all too realistic. This can't be, this isn't a dream. But then…?

I open my eyes very, very slowly. A broad caramel expanse of male chest comes into focus. Behind that, the walls of a room I have never been in. There's a little snoring noise from Sam… except that it's not Sam. It's Jacob.

I have my cheek pressed against Jacob's chest.

Oh god.

Why am I sleeping why my head on Jacob's chest?!

Slowly, slowly I remember last night. I was over at the Cullens'….Really tired, Rosalie said I could stay the night here, instead of running back to La Push. I remember walking upstairs and then I was out like a light.

I sit up carefully and look around. We're lying on a giant oval shaped cushion, Jake, Scott and I. It's made of…um, wait, is that red flannel? Oh. Oh _god_. It's a giant dog bed. Big enough that there's a few inches of space above Jacob's head and below his feet. It must be 7 feet in diameter. I'm sleeping on a dog bed.

What _the hell_??

Why the hell do the bloodsuckers own a Jacob-sized dog bed? I don't even want to know.

Now that I am sitting up, Scott is pacing around the room, all full of energy. Damn dog. Jacob seems to still be asleep, _thank god_. I don't even know what I would say to him right now. I'm so completely disturbed. Sleeping next to one's Alpha is probably _not_ okay. Especially not with the cuddling. My hip is still burning where his hand was.

What is even more not okay is that part of me wants to lie back down. Five minutes ago, when I thought I was still asleep, I was… content. Warm. Jacob's body temperature must be even higher than mine.

Not okay, Leah, not okay, I tell myself. Bad. But… Jake looks so peaceful, sleeping like that. Well, I guess it stands to reason that he'd be less annoying unconscious than awake.

Still, he's so young! Maybe not quite so young, though. 3 years younger than I am, yes, but he's almost 20 and definitely not a child. And he's growing into his muscles, now…

No. Stop. Stop looking at Jacob, Leah. This has gone way too far. I stand up, smoothing my rumpled clothes. Nor do I think any higher of Jacob's cutoffs, now that I know he sleeps in them. Maybe he jumps in rivers in them, too, but that would be giving him probably too much credit for cleanliness.

I hate men.

I leave the room as quietly as possible. I really don't want Jake to wake up—'Oh, hi, Jake, that was great fun using you as a pillow! See you on patrol!' He'd probably make fun of me for the rest of my life. Yeah, that's not making me excited to be in wolf form again anytime soon.

I walk downstairs—none of the parasites are in sight. Scott and I head out the front door, as quietly as possible. Maybe all the leech couples are off having sex or reading poetry or whatever it is they do all night (sex for Emmett and Rosalie, poetry for the loveleeches). We're heading toward the forest, where I will stash my clothes and run home, when someone shatters the foggy morning quiet by honking their horn. My head snaps up. Sitting in front of the massive garage is Rosalie in her BMW. She's waving at me.

"Hey, I'm giving you a ride home!" she shouts at me. I roll my eyes at her and wave her away. "Oh, so you want to run home then?" Rosalie asks. I nod. "Uh huh, well, your brother and Embry are running around out there, and I am _sure_ they'd love to hear all about what's on _your_ mind, right now!"

I could kill her. I could just kill her. She is laughing at me. That blonde parasitic—

Ok, fine, I will go in her car. I start walking toward her, Scott happily running ahead, probably thinking in his tiny little dog brain "yay! Car!"

"This is stupid, Rosalie," I call to her, "You can't drive onto La Push."

She shrugs as I jump into the front seat of her car. "Don't you think we're past all that?"

"No," I tell her. "Jake and Seth and I might not completely hate you, but Sam's pack would freak," I look up as the door to the house slams shut and Alice runs out to where we are.

"Wait for me! I want to come too!" she starts attaching Scott's collar to the little doggie carseat that Rosalie has in the backseat of the convertible. Yes, she is that dedicated to my dog. "Where are we going?"

"I'm driving Leah back to the Reservation. Well, to the border anyway. So that her little packmates don't have to hear her fantasizing about Jacob's abs."

I smack her arm. Hard. "Rosalie! Do not say that."

"Why? It's true."

"He does have nice abs," says Alice from the back seat. I turn around to glare at her as Rosalie accelerates down the drive.

"No. We are not having this conversation." So I sit in sulky silence for a few miles, while Rosalie keeps grinning at Alice in the review mirror. Finally I can't take it anymore. "Why in the hell do you own a giant dog bed?" I ask.

Rosalie shrugs. "Oh, I don't know. It seemed like a good idea." She and Alice deteriorate into giggles. I hate them both. I really do. So I give them The Glare.

"So, you like him?" Rosalie asks, when she's stopped laughing at me. I give The Glare some more. She shrugs.

"Jacob is a very nice boy," Alice observes from the backseat. "He's very kind. And always happy." Then she giggles again, "But this sort of makes you a home wrecker."

I turn around and up the volume on The Glare. "Alice. I. Am. Not. A. Home. Wrecker."

She keeps giggling, "You did sleep with my niece's boyfriend."

"I slept with him, not _slept with_ him!"

"Yet." Rosalie adds, smirking at me and raising her eyebrows. Ooooh she shall be the first to die.

"I'm not going to 'sleep with' Jacob!" I practically shout.

"Hm, yeah, because right now, you're in 'fling mode' but having a fling with your little pack leader would be bad," says Rosalie thoughtfully. I nod, they are finally starting to listen! "So what we need to do is get you to have a fling with some other guy first, so that you will have the fling thing out of your system before you seduce Jacob."

"What?! What are you even talking about?" I demand.

"Oh, it'll be easy. We'll just find some really hot guy and then get Jasper to manipulate his emotions so he thinks that his whole reason for existing is to pleasure you sexually," Rosalie says with a shrug.

"Rose, don't make my husband part of your plans. Anyway, Leah doesn't need his help getting someone to want to have sex with her."

"Yeah!" I tell Rosalie, before I realize that she'll take that as agreement with her horrible fling plan.

Rosalie turns to me. "Look," she pauses, and then asks, very seriously, "Do you like him?"

I don't answer. I can't. He's my Alpha. And my friend. And, I don't know! He doesn't think of me that way!

She's still waiting for an answer. I just sigh loudly. I don't know what I can say. No matter what I say, she'll just make fun of me. "Leah, do you like him?" she asks again, still seeming to be serious. I just look at her and glare The Glare. "We could ask Edward if Jacob likes _you_."

"Edward would never tell that! He's too honorable," Alice pipes up from the backseat. Her sister shrugs.

"Jasper could make him feel like he's in the mood to share. Then he could tell us all if Jacob has ever thought about Leah like that."

"Leah," Alice says very quietly, "Do you like him? Because I was just joking about the 'home wrecker' comment. You aren't a bad person if you like him. And you aren't like Emily."

I sigh again, loudly, and look out of the window. "I…" I trail off. What am I even trying to say?

"…like Jacob?" finishes Rosalie.

"I…." I start again. "It's complicated."

"Because of Nessie?" asks Alice in the same soft, musical voice. I think she's trying to be gentle.

"No. Yes. Because of everything. Because, for one thing, I don't even know if I am really even a woman anymore, and—"

Rosalie glances pointedly at my chest. "No, honey, you're a girl."

"And anyway, he's my Alpha, so—"

"So you can't help but be attracted to him. That's also probably why you were in love with Sam, too. Since you're a female werewolf, of course you are going to get all hot and bothered over male Alphas!" Alice says.

"God, are you two going to actually let me talk, or are you going to keep interrupting me with your dumbass little comments?" I snap, "Alice, what the hell, are you making a discovery channel documentary on the breeding habits of werewolves? Because you can damn well leave me out! Rosalie! I know I have boobs. But I transform like I a man, I don't get my period like a man, and I had dreams about kissing freaking _Bella_ after Jacob thought about it so much!" I'm practically shouting now. There is stunned silence when I finish.

"You…." Rosalie starts.

"….dreamed about kissing Bella?"

I make a sort of "ugh" noise. They exchange a glance with eyebrows raised. "I'm so sorry," says Rosalie, while Alice says "Wow, that's disturbing."

I roll my eyes. "I'm over it."

"But you are confused now because you don't know if you want to go to bed with Jacob or Bella? Anyway, that doesn't make you a man. That makes you a lesbian." asks Alice.

"Ew, no, I'm pretty clear on that front. I'm not gay, and if I were, Bella is the last woman on the planet that I would sleep with, thank you very much."

"So you _do_ want to screw Jacob?" Rosalie says with a grin. I hit her again.

"I didn't say that."

"But you thought it."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Guys!" Alice interrupts us. "Leah, you were saying?"

I slouch down low in my seat, as low as I can with my long legs. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop looking at him," I pause. "And he smells really, really good."

"Wait, are we talking about the same guy?" asks Rosalie. "Jacob the dog? The smelly unnaturally tall guy who hangs around my house smelling gross? That one?" Alice, too, is wrinkling her nose.

I roll my eyes at them. "I'm a shapeshifter, too."

"If I ever make a documentary about your mating habits," says Alice, "I will be sure to include that you inexplicably think Jacob smells okay."

"Better than okay."

"Ew. Can we stop planning Alice's werewolf porn now, please?" Rosalie asks. Uh, I wasn't aware we were planning porn, and I tell her that. "Well if Alice is making a documentary about your _mating habits_ then what do you call it, if not porn?"

"I am not going to film Jacob and Leah having sex!" exclaims Alice indignantly.

"Thank you, Alice." I say. "Can I ask you guys something?" They nod. "I was really tired last night. I do _not_ remember thinking it was a good idea to snuggle up with Jacob on his giant doggie bed…. Um?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, you were tired, but it was so late, we didn't want you to go home, so we told you that you could spend the night. We told you that you could borrow one of the spare bedrooms. We sort of… thought you had a thing for Jacob." Rosalie starts to explain, "At least I did. You aren't that hard to read. Not like, that any of the guys have noticed or anything. What I mean is, it's not hard for _us_ to read you, since we're girls, and not completely dumb. Anyway… We thought maybe if we could get you two alone, he'd declare his love for you or something….And that giant doggie bed, well, we had it made awhile back, as a joke. We were going to bring it out one day for Jacob, but we never had a good opportunity. In any case, last night, Jacob said if you were staying, he should stay, so we gave him the dog bed last night, but he was so tired he didn't get why it was funny…. Oh, and we totally tried to give you your own, real, human bed, with sheets and all, but you were so tired, you just followed Jacob into his dog room."

Alice cuts in happily, "I thought that maybe it's a wolf thing to all sleep together in a big pile, you know, like puppies!" Rosalie glares at her.

"Alice! What did I say about the werewolf porn! Anyway, it's a pretty big bed, and when you guys went to sleep, you weren't like touching or anything."

"…yeah, well…." I say lamely.

"Oh my, did you wake up with him holding you?" Alice asks dreamily. "That is so romantic!" She bats her eyelashes. "Even if you are a home wrecker!" The two of them laugh and laugh. "Don't worry, we won't like, tell our niece that you were cuddling with Jacob or anything."

"Oh, good, because I would hate to get in a fight with a 3 year old."

"She's scrappy," says Rosalie. "So speaking of home wrecking, how are you about the whole Sam-Emily wedding thing?"

I was so busy thinking about how I could possibly have been cuddling with _Jacob_ that the question takes me completely off guard. "Uh, fine, I guess…" What else is there to say? That I'm _delighted_ to watch my first love marry my cousin, the girl who was once my best friend?

"Can I do your hair before the wedding?" Alice asks. I nod. What do I care?

"It's not your fault," Rosalie says.

"Yeah, I know. It's my damn hormones."

"No, I don't mean about Jacob. I mean about Sam," she tells me, looking straight at me. "It's not your fault he did this."

I say nothing. "Leah, it's not your fault. It's not about you. And he'll be happy with Emily, but you know what, that just means he wasn't nearly good enough for you." She speaks with such conviction, such passion in her voice, it makes me smile, against my will. Not really a happy smile. Just a smile because someone _gets_ me.

"Afterward," I say, quietly. Alice leans forward from the back seat. I know with her leech abilities she can hear me just fine, but she is very good at acting human. "After he left me, I was getting over him. When I didn't have to see him, see her. But then I phased. And we could all hear everything everyone thought. And the other guys… they all think Emily is the perfect woman. She cooks for them all, you know. She even cooked for Bella, when Bella was chilling with the pack." The leeches exchange a smile. They must be imagining Bella sitting around with a bunch of teenage werewolves. "They all… felt sorry for me. It was hard for them, since they all looked up to Sam so much… Sam is the Great Leader, the guy who everyone thinks is the best thing to happen to our Tribe in a long time. They all want to _be_ Sam. And Emily… God, have you seen them together?" I ask.

They shake their heads. "It's like Bella and Edward, basically," they can probably tell from my face that I'm disgusted. For the thousandth, millionth, billionth time I wonder if it's the imprinting that makes them that way. If it is, then Sam had no choice to leave me. But if that's the case, then I am even more pathetic for the way my eyes follow Jake's muscles as they ripple underneath his smooth, perfect skin. Because if imprinting made Sam and Emily the way they are, then imprinting is going to make Jacob and Nessie that way.

I don't say any of that, but somehow, somehow they know what I am thinking. Maybe I am easy to read. Alice pats my shoulder, and I feel the heat being pulled out of my body. I smile a smile that only stretches my mouth. "I don't think Jacob and Nessie are like that," Rosalie says quietly.

I shrug. What's it to me?

We're sitting at the border of the Reservation, now. We've been here awhile. Talking… Yesterday I was in such a good mood. And this morning, when I was still asleep, when I still _thought_ I was asleep, I was so happy. Because I thought I was back with Sam. Except I knew… I knew his smell was different. His chest was broader, his hair longer.

What the hell is wrong with me? This is so not okay.

"Guys, um…" I don't know what to say to them. "Thank you. For everything. For driving me home. And for letting me crash at your house. For talking to me."

They both smile, but it's Rosalie who speaks first. "Leah, you aren't that bad, for a werewolf."

Alice unclips Scott from the dog car seat and hands him to me, still smiling. "I'll see you soon, Leah!"

I let Scott jump to the ground. He doesn't have his leash, but he'll stay right by my side. It's like he knows that I'm a wolf and I outrank him in our pack. Strange, that he can stand to be around parasites, too. But I suppose he's used to it. He probably doesn't know any better. Kind of like Seth.

As Scott and I start walking into La Push, I turn around and wave at the girls as they speed away.

* * *

I walk along the edge of the forest. Convenient, that our house is so close to the woods, since Mom has too wolfchildren constantly coming in and out of the house. I get a few blocks from home when my brother materializes out of the fog at the edge of the forest. He's wearing a Jacob-inspired outfit, and must have just phased back from wolf form.

"Where'd you come from?" he asks me. "I didn't hear you in the forest."

"The leeches drove me home."

"And you say Jake and I are trained dogs? What's the matter, can't run home like the rest of us?"

"Listen, Dweeb, I had a lot on my mind." I stick my tongue out at him. God, how can something _this_ annoying be related to me? Maybe he's adopted. Maybe Mom and Dad found him under a rock. But that doesn't explain how he's a wolf. Maybe you can catch shapeshifting from being around other werewolves—I should tell Embry he might not be a bastard after all. He might have caught it from Jake and Quil.

"I'm sorry," Seth says. "Was it about Sam? I'm so sorry, sis," he pats my arm. "I'll be at the wedding, too, and no one expects you to be really happy or anything," he saying. At least he thinks I'm angsting over Sam. God forbid my baby brother know that I was thinking about what it was like waking up with my head on Jacob's chest. Oh God. Jacob is only a year and a half older than my _baby brother_.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Seth pats my arm, just like Alice does sometimes. I look up at him in shock. "Leah, can I ask you something?" there is so much emotion in his voice, I don't know what to say. So I nod.

"Um, your dog, Scott… uh… he's a lot of responsibility…. Um."

I nod to encourage him along. Yes, Seth, dogs are a lot of work. What the hell?

"Um. So. You have Scott," he nods toward my dog. "So you… you'll be here awhile? I mean, you aren't going to leave again? Right? Now that you have Scott, I mean."

"Seth…"

"Leah!" his voice breaks, and he grabs both my elbows, looking down at me. "Leah, please. Don't leave!" He takes a big breath and seems to steady himself. "I… After Dad died… and Leah, I don't want you to leave again! I thought once you quit Sam's pack everything would be better, but… and the wedding is so soon, and I don't want you to be gone again!" I meet his eyes. They're moist, like he is about to tear up and cry. He hugs me, tightly. My little brother never hugs me. "Just don't leave. Even if you are sad, Leah, no one will think less of you. And if Embry and Quil piss you off, I will just beat them up, and Jake and…"

I pull away, and now I'm the one patting his arm. "Seth, I'm not going to leave, okay?" He nods, but I am not sure if he believes me. "Is there something else you want to talk about?" I ask. He nods weakly.

His voice is cracking with emotion. "It's Dad, Leah. I miss him so much," he says it quietly, and he's staring at the ground. Like he can't bring himself to make eye contact with me. "I know we never talk about it, I don't want to make you sad, I don't want to make you leave, but—"

"I know. I miss him, too." Now I'm also staring at the ground. I can see little wet drops on the dirt where his tears have fallen. And maybe mine. Fuck I hate crying.

And then my brother and I are walking home together through the fog, with Scott trotting along beside us while we talk.

"I did miss you, and Mom, and everything, when I was gone," I tell him quietly.

* * *

God damn I have a stomach ache. It really, really hurts. It's like having cramps, but I don't get those anymore (the one perk to being a werewolf. Well, okay, one of two perks—no cramps, and being able to run at some wicked serious speed.)

I roll over in bed and bury my face into the pillow. I actually slept with a blanket last night; now that my body temp is so warm, I don't really need them. But just laying on a bed without covering really does make me feel inhuman.

I didn't feel inhuman when I was sleeping on a giant dog bed with Jacob, though. Go figure.

Jacob's skin is even warmer than mine is. I wonder if I could ever touch a regular human and not feel his skin is cold. Not creepy-cold like the parasites, but cold. Ugh, I do not want to be thinking about this.

I pull the blanket over my head, curling my legs up to my chest so that the blanket-shift doesn't expose my feet to the air. As always, my room is green from the light filtering in through all the foliage outside. I tell myself to concentrate on something I know.

Let's see… What do I know? I know I hate men. I really, really hate men. I hate men, and short girls. Because short girls are cute in a way that I will never be cute, short girls like _Emily_ and… I also sort of hate blondes, just on principle. And bloodsuckers. Yep, that's everything I hate.

That also describes all of my friends.

This is not cheering me up.

"Leah? Honey?" My mom calls, knocking on my door. I make a nondescript groaning noise. "Honey, can I come in?" I respond by groaning in a sort of affirmative way. She pokes her head into my tiny room and looks at me. "Are you awake?" Ugh, obviously. That's why I am groaning at you! So I groan again and lower the blanket from my head.

"Rise and shine," she says, gently. I hate that phrase. I glare at her. She doesn't notice the glare through all the sleep in my eyes. "My beautiful daughter," why is she still talking? Oh, great, now she's sitting on the edge of my bed, patting my leg under the blanket. "Are you okay?" I nod. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. He was such a nice boy."

I roll my eyes. "Ugh, Mom, 'nice boy' aside…" I trail off. I don't even really want to talk about this. I can't deal with the sympathy.

"Last night wasn't so bad, was it?" she asks quietly. I shake my head. No, last night wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Last night was what passed for Emily's bachelorette party. Or maybe Bridal Shower. Or maybe some combination of the two. Maybe she had those parties separately, with her human Quileute and Makah friends. But I doubt it. Her whole life was about Sam, about his Pack. This is the girl who takes notes on our Tribal legends for crying out loud.

So last night, the night before she's going to marry Sam, she had a party with all of the women who knew about the wolves.

I suppose I had to be there, being the only wolf with a uterus in the history of the Tribe. And once, years ago, Emily was like a sister to me. And once, after boxes of chocolate and boxes of Kleenex, but before my first phase, I promised her I'd be a bridesmaid. So I went to her stupid party.

Mom was there. And Kim. And Jacob's sister, Rachel. And Claire, who was sitting happily in Emily's lap. And Claire's mother. Huh. I had wondered if she knew, but I guess they had to tell her, had to explain why Quil suddenly wanted to spend every waking moment with their daughter. If I had a 2 year old daughter, and some tall, muscley teenager suddenly started hanging around my girl, I'd freak.

Emily's mother was there too. My mother's cousin. I had the feeling that Mom and Emily told her very, very recently. Sam doesn't want anyone to know who doesn't "need to know," but I suppose his mother-in-law is now "need to know." Before Emily and Sam start having puppies.

Emily had made food for us all, little cakes and desserts. And we all brought her presents, girly presents, not suitable for the wedding. Lots of little lacy nighties and things. Kim and Rachel and I were the only three about her age, and from the other two, there was lots of teasing about, you know, what was to come (what is it with me and my bad choice of words?) I didn't say much. What could I have said, "Hey, Emily, enjoy having sex with my high school sweetheart?" Actually, I was a little surprised that they had waited for the wedding night. I mean, especially considering the number of times the wedding got postponed. Well, I guess _Sam_ isn't aging, and Emily doesn't seem to be a particularly sexual person. Sam must have put all that behind him when he became the responsible Alpha, technically Chief of the Quileutes, and besotted of Emily, the most pure and lovely. Huh.

Mom is still sitting on my bed. Still petting me. "Seth took Scott on a walk," she's telling me. I just nod. "Honey, are you sure you're okay? No one expects you to be happy today, you know, but… you need to at least get out of bed and put on your bridesmaid dress." That's almost exactly what Seth told me last week.

I groan again. I know all of this. But if I get out of bed, then I'm acknowledging that today is really happening. And… I'm not even that upset about Sam and Emily, now. That's why at the end of the party, I went over to Emily. She looked up at me and said, "I'm glad you're here."

And then I grabbed her hands and said, with no malice in my voice, "You are perfect for each other. I hope you will be very happy."

That's all. And I know I could have said those words a thousand different ways, and had them convey a thousand different things. Sarcastic, I could have mocked her. Bitter, I could have cursed them both. But I meant it, and I didn't mean it any way but that I knew that Sam was not the man for me, but he was the man for Emily.

Because I knew something. I understood something about Sam. He tries to do too much, to be responsible for too much. He blames himself for Emily's scars, those scars that in my darkest moments gave me secret, vindicated smiles, which I buried in my pillow at night. And he blames himself for what he did to me, for leaving me, for breaking my heart. For imprinting. Because when he imprinted, he hurt both of us, me emotionally, and Emily physically.

Sam has an even bigger martyr complex than does Bella. And yes, it _is_ his fault, but he needs to get over it. He needs to stop looking at us with pain in his eyes. Don't apologize, Sam, make it better.

And I couldn't live with a man who blames himself for everything, all the time. Who carries the world on his shoulders and can't sleep when something is wrong. And I couldn't take care of everyone the way Emily does. I'm not that gentle pillar of quiet strength, always baking and cooking to feed hungry wolf boys.

That isn't the life I want. So I can't blame Emily anymore because that's the life _she_ wants.

But that doesn't mean I am excited for the wedding. I wish it were already over. I wish everyone could _forget_ that Sam broke my heart. Because I know that enough people at that wedding will be casting glances my way, wondering what I am thinking. Wondering if I am torturing myself about how much I miss Sam.

If I think about Sam, it's going to be imagining him as a little bug that I step on. Once, I would have fantasized that I stopped on him willingly, maliciously, that I had my sweet vengeance. Now, it's that he's a tiny little ant crawling around and I step on him and don't even notice, _because that's how much he means to me_. That's how much I want him to mean to me. To mean nothing.

But how can I explain all of this to my mother? How can I tell her that right now, the thing that worries me most about Sam and Emily is that I wonder if, as I'm watching Emily walk down the aisle to his arms, if I am getting a preview of 4 or 5 or 10 years from now when Spawn walks down the aisle to Jacob's arms.

How can I tell my mother that I don't care about Sam anymore? But if Jacob marries that creepy vampire _child_, I will throw them both off of a cliff. And Bella, too, for good measure. Just to be thorough.

So instead of telling any of this to Mom, I just give a weak smile and drag myself out of bed. "Thanks, Mom, I'm fine. I'll be fine,"

"Do you want breakfast, honey?" She asks softly, following me out of my room.

"Uh, sure, thanks. And then I should be going over to the Crypt. I promised Alice that she could do my hair."

If my mother doesn't approve of my going over there, she never says anything. And I am pretty sure she doesn't approve. But she surprises me, smiling, "I'm glad you have friends like that," she says. "Even if they are the sworn enemy of our Tribe, I mean."

* * *

AN:

This is a shout-out not just to everyone who has been so kindly reviewing (I love you!) but also to everyone who has wondered why Jacob is not in this fanfic more, since he is allegedly one of the main characters in it. He seems to only show up every other chapter, but I promise, he will start being around Leah more. He is just so confused! (And he was in this chapter… except that he was asleep…) He just spends too much time with Nessie! And of course, Leah has been avoiding him.

Also, I thought about ending this chapter when Leah and Seth walk off into the mist but that would make it the shortest chapter next to chapter one, and, well, I really didn't want to end it in such a depressing way. Which means that this chapter has some of what was originally going to be the _next_ chapter in it. The next chapter, of course, will be about the wedding, and it's going to be good, trust me. Assuming you're into that sort of thing. It's got some of the scenes in it that I have been planning since Chapter 1.

Please review!

PS I did sort of accidentally post this chapter, realize I forgot to put in the lines dividing sections, delete this chapter, fix it, and then repost it. So sorry about that!


	7. Chapter 7

Apparently the Leeches have an entire room for makeovers. Or at least, they have a room that they let Alice turn into a makeover room. It looks like she has taken every single one of those boxes she showed me a few months ago and poured their contents onto one of the counters in here. There is a giant mirror, with lights around it. And countless outlets above the counters, so she can plug in all of her hair-doing appliances.

I'm stunned, but then, I probably shouldn't be.

"Leah, you aren't struggling," she says, mouth full of bobby pins.

"Should I be?"

"Well, Bella always used to freak out whenever I did her hair and makeup. Oh!" she squeals, "I haven't had this much fun in _years! _You should come over and do this more!"

"Uh, like, between patrols?"

"Yes!" she pauses, "Why do you still have patrols? There aren't roving bands of vampires in the area,"

"You don't know that, Alice. My pack and I destroyed your cousin yesterday, actually."

"Oh, really? Well, I am sure he was a jackass."

"Total jackass. He was drinking the blood of young virigns. No, actually, the reason we go on patrols is so that we can feed Jacob's ego," I smirk as I say this. "You know, if Sam's Pack is doing stuff, our Pack has to do stuff… plus, if we don't phase, we age." Alice nods, thoughtfully, while she brushes out my hair.

The door to what I shall forever think of as 'The Makeover Room' opens and Bella peaks her head in. "Leah, you aren't struggling," she says. "Did they sedate you? They were always threatening to sedate me."

"No, but hey, if you guys wanna dope me up before the wedding, I think you should." I tell them. And they both laugh. Huh. Did not know Bella had a sense of humor. I think about telling her that and decide not to. Hell, if things keep going the way they are with Mom and Charlie, Bella could be my stepsister.

Oh, God.

Or, if Jacob and Nessie get married, and I am out of town or something and am not able to commit double-homicide via cliff, and I do imprint on their baby, then Bella could be my grandmother.

Or both could happen.

Wow, Forks and La Push are getting kind of inbred. I'll have to tell my baby bro to imprint on someone from far, far away.

"Your hair is so beautiful," coos Bella. I smile at her in the mirror. It's a reflex, okay? I didn't plan it. But then Alice smiles at _me_ in the mirror, and I realize, Alice is so freakin' nice all the time, to _everyone_, that if I refrain from beating the hell out of Bella a bit, if it makes Alice happy, then it's okay.

"Thanks," I say.

"It's like Jake's." Yes, Bella, because Jake and I are the _same ethnicity_. "I always liked Jake's hair."

Alice's eyes catch mine in the mirror and she gives me a look that says, "I haven't told her that you fantasize about Jake's abs and that you want to steal her daughter's boyfriend."

And I give Alice a look that says, "Thanks for keeping it on the down-low, but anyway, Jacob and Nessie aren't actually a couple so shut the hell up, I'm not a home wrecker." She starts spraying my hair with some sort of hair product. Somewhere, miles from here, a bunch of people are sitting around a boardroom thinking about what sorts of new products they can create for people to buy. And all of these products end up in Alice's collection so she can use them on unsuspecting humans and werewolves.

"What are you two grinning about?" asks Bella.

"Oh, you know, my first love is about to marry a family member, someone who was once a close friend, so, you know, I have no reason not to grin," I tell her.

Bella opens her mouth like she's about to say something, and then she realizes that I was being sarcastic. Then she says, "You say sarcastic and mean things when you're scared, don't you?"

I narrow my eyes at her reflection. "It's called a coping mechanism." I don't think she notices that I'm almost mocking her.

"When I found out that Sam was with you, before he was with Emily, it really upset me. I just wanted you to know that," she says. I think about that for a second. That _would_ bother her, since she found her One Twue Lub at age 17 and married him right away.

"It's okay," I say guardedly.

"How's the makeover going?" asks Rosalie from the doorway.

"Oh, we're just on the hair, you should come in!" Bella tells her. Great, I have an audience. Rosalie starts picking up little tubs and bottles and things, looking at them, and putting them back down.

"Um, could you _not_ do that?" asks Alice, who seems to be putting yet another product into my hair. "I have them all organized."

Having successfully curled some of my hair, and braided in deep crimson ribbons into it (all the bridesmaids are supposed to wear them, they match our dresses), and put about 17 different things into my hair that nature never intended, Alice has moved me downstairs. Allegedly the light is better from the huge windows.

"Since the wedding is outside, it's important that your makeup looks good in outside light," Alice explained as we walked downstairs. Bella and Rosalie helped carry down the makeup cases and set them up around one of the coffee tables in the huge downstairs room.

Then Bella went off to find her husband and child, or something, I don't really care. I have to be there early, since I'm in the wedding party, but after Alice is finished with me, apparently she's doing some makeup for Bella, or at least as much as Bella will let her. So now, it's just me and Alice and Rosalie, except that while I have my eyes closed—Alice is painting my lids with something—Emmett comes in the room, or at least he's there when I open my eyes, watching this whole procedure with a smirk.

"Why are you letting her do that to you?" asks Emmett. "Seriously, you're like, what, 6', 6'1, and she's….4'10. What's she going to do, bite your shins?"

"Leah's not like Bella. She's here willingly," Rosalie tells him. "Plus, it's really important that Leah looks absolutely sexy as hell today."

"Why, so you can seduce the groom in the middle of the ceremony?"

"Yep. That's my plan," I roll my eyes at him.

"Leah, please don't roll your _eyes_ while I am doing your _eye_ makeup," asks Alice.

"If Leah seduces anyone during the ceremony, it won't be Sam," Rosalie says, while winking at me obnoxiously. Emmett raises an eyebrow. Way to keep a secret, Rosalie.

"Hey, so, do you want to borrow Jasper for the wedding?" Alice asks.

"Uh, what?"

"Well, if you need a date, you could take Jasper, because he's taller than you are, assuming you don't wear your four inch heels, and he's blond, so he'd stand out, and also, he is a vampire, so that would really make everyone upset, and, of course, he can manipulate everyone's emotions and keep you calm while everyone else freaks out."

She's only a few inches from my face, so glaring at her is hard since she's out of focus. Still, I try. "Thanks, Alice, for offering me your husband, but you know, I don't really need a date."

"Hey, but if you do, and you are set on this whole blond vampire thing, you should take Rose." Emmett says, laughing.

"How would that be a date?" asks Alice, and when Emmett starts cracking up and leans back on the sofa, drawing his leg up in front of him and slapping his thigh. Alice throws a little pot of eye shadow or blush or something at his head at the same time that Rosalie smacks his bicep. "Ugh, you are so immature! Why do you put up with him?" Alice asks her sister.

"No, I really think you should take Rosie to this wedding. It would get even more attention than if you went with Jasper. 'Specially if you like, made out in the middle of the ceremony…And then you could like… take pictures of yourselves together and give them to me," he is saying.

Rosalie meanwhile is just rolling her eyes. "Emmett… you have the maturity of a seventh grade boy!"

"Oh, come on, Rosie, you know I am just teasing you and your little doggie friend," he turns to me, "No offense, Leah."

"Whatever, Emmett. As annoying as you are, you're still not worse than the guys in my pack, so hey," I tell him.

"So, seriously, can we _please_ crash this wedding?" Emmett asks the three of us. "Please? This is the first event thing that the werewolves have had… and they crash all _our_ parties, and weddings, and stuff. And we could like… reenact Underworld or something."

"We are not turning Sam and Emily's wedding into a vampire/werewolf shootout," Alice says, her annoyance clear in her voice.

"Oh, you're on first name basis with _those_ dogs too now, are you?"

"Emmett!" Rosalie says, "Stop interrupting Leah's special day! Speaking of which, wait right here," she says to me and then runs off to the kitchen. In half a second she's back with a giant box of Godiva. My heart melts instantly.

"Rosalie, I am madly in love with you right now," I say as I open the box and choose one. It's….so….good…. mmm.

"They are all for you, since we can't really eat chocolate," Alice says slowly, her attention clearly on painting my face.

"Why are we getting her chocolate?" asks Emmett.

"It's her special day! When your first love gets married, you deserve chocolate. Especially in Leah's situation." Rosalie tells him, "And anyway, _dear_, if you are going to keep asking dumb male questions, you can go upstairs and stop intruding on our girl-time."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the entire downstairs was reserved for your special 'girl time,'" he says, teasing her. And then, probably without even knowing he does it, he brushes some of her hair over her ear. Rosalie pouts at him.

I giggle, and then Alice tells me off for moving my face while she's "trying to make me into the most gorgeous creature on earth."

"Ok, so will have to crash the wedding alone. You guys really do take all the fun out of life," Emmett is saying, leaning back into the sofa and putting his arm around Rosalie's shoulders. He seems to do that a lot.

The front door opens and Jasper walks in. He looks at us in mild confusion. "Didn't you take over one of the upstairs rooms for this? Do you also need the living room?" he asks his wife.

"Jazz, hand me that thing over here," Alice says, pointing toward about 8 million cosmetics.

"Which, love?"

"The purple one." She says as she rubs my face with some kind of little pad. I never knew putting makeup on could take this long. Jasper comes over to where Alice is working on me with his hands fun of five different purple containers and sets them all down.

"You didn't have to bring them all."

He shrugs, "Didn't know which purple one you meant."

"Hey, Jasper, wanna help me crash the wedding?" Emmett asks his brother as Jasper sits down. Honestly, don't the leeches have anything better to do than watch me get an Alice Makeover?

"Isn't this the wedding that has been put off a bunch of times?" Jasper asks.

I nod. Hm, they seem pretty well informed about what's going on in the other pack. I guess they would know about the wedding, though, since Bella and Edward are going. Bella because in her depressed-phase she apparently got to be sort of friendly with Emily, and Edward because he's married to Bella, and also as a sort of… token to show that the relationship between us and the "Cold Ones" has changed… And as much as the other Pack doesn't like the existence of Nessie, she's invited because Jacob has imprinted on her.

So I just try to remind myself that as much as _I_ don't want to go to the wedding, at least there will be other people there who feel awkward for their own reasons. Then I wonder if Edward _ever_ feels awkward about _anything_.

"Why did they put it off so many times?" Rosalie asks.

I am just about to try to answer when Emmett snickers, "Maybe because of Edward reasons."

"Edward reasons?" I ask.

"You know…" he coughs.

Jasper rolls his eyes. "No one puts of weddings for Edward reasons. Anyway, I thought we were passed all of this. They have a _child_."

Emmett shrugs, "So?"

It isn't until Alice says, "You don't even know if they, Sam and Emily, I mean, are waiting until after the wedding," that I realize what they are talking about.

"They are, though," I throw out there. "Wait, how is that an Edward reason?"

Emmett snickers and says, "Yeah, so we have this theory, that Edward is, or at least was, terrified of sex."

"Well, Sam's not, so I don't know why they are waiting, but yeah," I say.

They all look at me wide-eyed. Why did I say that? Why did I open my big mouth?

"So… you… and Sam?" Rosalie asks. I roll my eyes at her.

"We _were_ dating for a few years. And, you know, in love."

"Woah, woah, wait a minute," Emmett says, laughing, "Are you honestly sitting here _on his wedding day_ bragging about how you did Sam and his new wife hasn't yet? YES! I love wolf drama!"

"I wasn't bragging about it! I just mentioned it because you—"

Edward and Bella come in the front door with their Spawn. As Nessie runs upstairs to find her grandmother, Edward asks us all what we are talking about. As if he can't just read it off our minds.

"Sex, so you should probably leave," Emmett tells Edward. Mr Loveleechy glares at him. "We don't want to corrupt your little virgin minds," Emmett continues, waving the couple away with his hand.

Bella looks indignant, "I've _had_ sex!" she says.

"With _Edward._" Jasper says, "So it doesn't count."

"What?! That doesn't even make any sense!" Edward turns to his other brother.

Alice, meanwhile, is making me turn my head different ways and admiring me in the light. "I have created a masterpiece!"

"Well, Edward, you are such a prude that your prudishness contaminates everything, I mean, just from you standing in the room right now, I've got my virginity back," Emmett says. Edward gives him a particularly vicious glare.

"We have sex!" Bella says again. "We're just very private about it! Anyway, Alice, Leah looks amazing,"

"Thank you," we both say. Wait; was that a compliment to me, or to Alice?

"So apparently," Emmett says to Edward "Sam's not afraid of sex _with Leah_, just with Emily."

"You had sex with Sam?" Bella asks, sounding concerned. "Recently?"

"Yes, Bella, last night." I snark. She gasps.

Edward says, "No, she didn't. Don't listen to Leah."

"This is ridiculous, you guys. They didn't postpone the wedding because they were scared to have sex," I say.

"That you know of," says Jasper. "Edward, did they delay the wedding because they were nervous about having sex?"

"How would I know?" says Edward.

"Oh, I don't know… how would Edward know what other people are thinking about?" asks Jasper sarcastically.

"Jasper, Edward doesn't spy on people!" Bella tells him.

"Emmett, stop it, or I will break your face," Edward growls. Rosalie starts giggling.

"You were thinking about sex just to annoy Edward, weren't you?" she asks her husband, who nods happily.

"Works every time," he says, kissing his wife.

"Wait, a minute, Leah, how is _that_ fair?" Edward demands of me. I give him a look to indicate that _he _might know what he means, but I don't. He sighs, "When I kiss Bella, you imagine little leeches cuddling, with little hearts floating around, until I stop. But when Emmett the Perv kisses Rosalie, nothing. Where's the justice in that?"

I shrug. "I don't know. They," I indicate them by leaning my head toward Rosalie and Emmett, "don't bother me as much as you and Bella do."

"Wait, when Bella and Edward kiss, you imagine leeches cuddling?" Emmett asks. "You're hilarious! My kind of woman! Or Wolf," then he leans forward and puts his cheek near mine and kisses, European style.

Jasper's jaw drops. "Emmett… there's fraternizing with the enemy and there's _fraternizing with the enemy_."

Rosalie smacks Jasper on the arm. "Jasper, Leah is not 'the enemy.'"

He turns to me, "Leah, are you a werewolf?"

"Technically she's a _shapeshifter_," Edward says. I nod.

"Well, there you are then," Jasper says.

"Anyway, Leah doesn't smell as bad as Jacob," Rosalie tells him matter-of-factly.

"So we judge people on how they smell, now?" asks Jasper with an arched eyebrow.

"I don't know, I've heard that _some_ people think Jacob smells rather nice," Alice says, before she melts into a puddle of giggles. Glare time.

Edward looks at us both sharply, and looks like he's about to say something, when Jasper cuts in, "In any case, Leah, you look beautiful. Alice, you have outdone yourself."

Alice smiles and says, "Thank you, Jazz. Bella, time for you!"

"You could do Nessie first,"

"Using your daughter as a shield, Bella, nice," Emmett laughs.

"I suppose I should get over to the wedding," I say.

"Oh, Leah, I wish you could go over with us, but we'll see you there soon, okay?" Bella says. Wow, she's…being really nice to me. "I wish Jacob could come over with us, too, but I guess he's in the wedding party as well…" her voice trails off.

I go from being impressed at her niceness to annoyed by her selfishness. Yes, Jacob has other responsibilities than taking care of you and your daughter, Bella. Jacob is an _adult_ with a _life_. Not for the first time, I think bitterly that Jake imprinting on Nessie is like giving Bella her cake and letting her eating it, too. Is there any justice in the world? Why do I get screwed—my boyfriend leaves me—while Bella gets to spend eternity with not only her darlin' but also have Jacob around her, always.

"Leah," Edward says in a warning tone, "That's not fair. It's not like that."

"Ok, I have no idea what Leah is thinking, _Edward_," snaps Rosalie, "But whatever it is, it _is_ fair, because today is _her_ special day," she turns to me and adds, "have another chocolate or two."

So I do.

Anyway, it's not like Jacob wanted to be one of Sam's groomsmen. They don't get along so hot, ever since Jacob became an Alpha. But this is one of those Tribe unity things, even if most of the wedding guests don't know that the Quileuteyouth run around as wolves in our spare time. I suppose it's important that the two Packs seem to be getting along so Jacob's going to be a groomsman.

"Wait, did Jacob go to Sam's bachelor party?" Emmett asks. I nod and eat another chocolate. Alice doesn't seem to approve of me messing up my lipstick but viva la revolucion! "So, were there strippers at this party?"

"How would I know that?" I ask Emmett.

He shrugs but says, "I just think if there were strippers there, then it's safe to say that the reason they postponed the wedding wasn't anything to do with Edward reasons," he explains. Edward practically growls at him—apparently "Edward reasons" is a long-held Cullen euphemism. I wonder if the entire reason we're talking about Sam's sex life is so Emmett can make fun of Edward's prudishness.

"Yes." Edward says to me. _Stop reading my mind!_ Ugh.

"They didn't postpone the wedding for anything to do with sex, as Leah's little Sam-shagging insight tells us," Jasper says.

"Edward wouldn't let us get strippers for this bachelor party," Emmett says, in an almost bitter tone. Everyone groans—I guess they must have this conversation a lot, too. Emmett turns to me and says, "Seriously, you know what he wanted to do the night before he got married? Snuggle with Bella!"

"What does this have to do with _anything_, Emmett?" Alice asks him.

"Nothing, except that I hope Sam isn't as Edwardy as Edward."

"Maybe I didn't want to get strippers because of Jasper," Edward says.

"…yeah, okay, I can see your point. That'd be bad." Emmett says, "I'd hate to try to explain why there were dead strippers—"

And just at that moment, Carlisle walks into the room. "Uh, hi, kids," he says. "Everything going okay?"

"Yes, Carlisle," they all seem to say.

"You sure you don't want to take Jasper?" Alice asks me. I shake my head.

Jasper frowns, "Why would I want to go to a wolf wedding? I mean, no offense, Leah."

"Why, indeed?" adds Edward.

Bella tsks him and says, "Honey, Sam and Emily have both been very nice to me," and then she's quiet, and I wonder if she's thinking about when Sam found her half-dead in the forest.

"Am I the only one who wants to crash it? Emmett asks, to a chours of "Yes!" He sighs sadly.

I suddenly realize that I really, really need to leave for the wedding. Okay, I've known it all along, but I've been putting it off. "I've got to go," I say, standing quickly.

"Leah, you certainly look stunning," Carlisle says. I smile and thank him.

"Here," Alice fishes in her purse and pulls out car keys. "Take the Porsche."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, well, can't have you phasing."

"Seriously, Alice, thank you so much for getting me all ready and everything!" I shout as I run out of the door and over to the garage.

* * *

Emily looks amazing. Beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, dazzling, and so forth. Beautiful and tragic, although probably most people here today still think a bear left those marks on her, not her groom. But when he looks at her as they say the vows, I know he doesn't see her scars anymore. I hope, for their sakes, that he's stopped feeling some of the guilt. Guilt isn't enough to hold two people together. I wonder, though, if guilt and imprinting is enough.

Against my will, I glance around Sam to where his groomsmen are standing. Jared is the best man, of course. But standing between Jared and Paul is Jacob. I wonder, for the hundredth time in the last hour, about Jacob and Nessie. But as Sam and Emily promise their lives to each other, Jacob looks up and catches me eye. And then he winks, and I have to stop myself from giggling.

I absolutely cannot believe I am having trouble not giggling at Sam and Emily's wedding.

Somewhere, at the back of the audience, I know Bella and Edward and Nessie are sitting. I know this, because Jacob's eyes keep flickering out there. And sitting on the Bride's side are my mom and Charlie and Seth. On the Groom's side are all the wolves in La Push who aren't in the wedding party or a relative of Emily's.

Kim and Rachel are the other bridesmaids. Claire is the flower-girl, of course. It's no coincidence that all of us in the wedding party are wolves or the imprints of wolves—well, for one thing, all the young men our age are wolves. And once you get drawn the Pack (or I suppose I should say Packs), your whole life becomes consumed. Apparently Rachel and Emily have gotten pretty close; Kim, too, is starting to get to know them. I wonder if it's weird for Jacob, finally having one of his sisters around, but having her being so tight with Sam's Pack. I also wonder if I wasn't such a bitch if they'd be my friends. Would it require being in Sam's Pack? Not too many months ago I would have been jealous of their friendship—back when I longed to feel like a girl, to have women friends…

What does it say about me that I am more comfortable with lady bloodsuckers than with the sweethearts of the other wolves?

My eyes meet Jacob's again. It's funny… I've been avoiding him since I woke up cuddling with his sleeping body. I don't even know if he knows. And yet here he is, smiling at winking at me as if nothing's wrong. Maybe he's just trying to cheer me up, keep me happy.

At least there's no pity in his eyes. At least I don't think there is.

Everyone's cheering now; Sam is kissing his wife.

Oh. They're married. Really, really married.

I'm cheering, too. Clapping and such. But I feel as if I am in a daze. Even as I think it, I know how cliché it sounds. What, shall I swoon now? The tragic ex-girlfriend and relative of the Bride, who can't get over her heartbreak…Who won't ever love anyone as much as I loved Sam, who's destined to spend the rest of my life mooning over him?

What sickens me is that people actually see me that way. Not people—wolves. I know that's how they think of me because I spent months hearing their stupid little male thoughts. Calm down, Leah. But at least I am not "in a daze" anymore. And my frustration with myself makes me smile, and I am sure everyone out there thinks I am smiling because I am genuinely happy.

I wonder, perversely, if Jacob sees me that way. What does it matter if Jacob sees me that way or any other way? Just because he has a nice body? All male werewolves have nice bodies. So Jacob is a bit taller than the others, so his chest is a bit broader… And his hair, longer than the others wear it, but somehow shaggy, so when you look at him you can still imagine him taking scissors to it and butchering it after his first transformation. So what if there's something about his lips that makes me want to—

"They look so happy, don't they?" Kim gushes in my ear. I nod mutely and keep clapping. Yes, they do look happy. Of course they look happy. Happy is how people look on their wedding day. And then I realize that Kim is fantasizing about the day she'll marry Jared.

They are walking back down the aisle between the seats now, and we're following them. Jared and Kim, Paul and Rachel, and me and Jacob. That's not awkward at all, aha. We pass all the guests, and in the very last row, Nessie waves to Jacob and he winks at her. Like he winked at me a few minutes ago. Not sure how I feel about that.

And now the endless congratulations. Everyone has to tell the couple how happy they are for them, and then tell all the other guests "Oh, Emily looks _so_ beautiful!" "Isn't Sam dashing?" "You know, I really think those two young people are the best thing that have happened to La Push in such a long, long time, don't you?" "What do you think they'll name the children?" and so on and on and on…

It's my turn now. All of a sudden, I am looking up into Sam's eyes. I talked to Emily before the ceremony, of course, and last night, but I haven't had a real conversation with Sam, in, well, years.

"Leah, I'm so glad you're here," he says nervously. "It means so much to Emily—"

I lean forward and kiss his cheek. He looks stunned. "Congratulations, Sam. I know you and Emily will have a wonderful life together."

And I mean it, as much as I meant what I said to Emily last night. But now I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be gone. So I clatter and totter in my heels away from the reception. I think about getting in the Porsche and just driving, but right now, it's not what I want. And since all my Pack brothers are at the reception, I figure I'm sure to have a bit of privacy. Mostly I just want to be alone.

* * *

It doesn't take long, less than half an hour, and I am running through the forest. The dress and car are safely back at home, and I am a free woman. Or wolf, rather. God it feels good to run this fast. Run, run, run. Dashing around trees. I wonder if real wolves have this much fun running, and I doubt it. And there is silence, blessed silence. No stupid boys thinking their stupid little thoughts like _I'm hungry! _Or _I kissed Bella!_ Or _Emily cooks so well! _As annoying as men are, there about a thousand times worse when they are in your head.

Leah, don't think about that. Just run. I can feel the breeze in my fur, and it's nice. I can smell _everything_. It's so not like being human. After I've run around for what could be an hour, it's hard to tell time when you're a wolf, I start running up toward one of the mountains. I know just the place. Where I can sit and look out at the mountains and rivers and tress and just enjoy how beautiful it is here, yes, even more beautiful than where I was in Canada. But then, I didn't go to Canada to enjoy the views. And still no sign of my Pack.

I find my special Leah place, the place I was looking for, where I used to go when I first phased. It's doing that almost-rain thing that always happens here. It's not quite raining, but it's more rain than fog, just sort of misting down on me. But I don't care—I have thick fur. I put my head on my paws and stare out from between the trees.

Goddammit, I am so ready to be over Sam. He wasn't that good of a boyfriend, anyway. I always had the sense that he cared more about La Push and our Tribe than he did about me. But wasn't that what I found attractive? A man with a passion, a man who had something else on his mind besides, well, me. No one could have called us Love Zombies, and I think that's what I liked. But we _were_ in love. Very much in love. At least, I thought we were. I wonder, not for the first time, what would have happened if I had phased earlier. If I had been a wolf when he met Emily. I probably would have understood sooner. But maybe it would have been worse, having to hear Sam's thoughts right away…

At least Sam and Emily are happy making their lives all about the Pack, well, what's left of Sam's Pack, and the Tribe, and each other. I know from hearing the others' thoughts that when they are in the room together, everything else vanishes. And… I am happy for them, in a way.

But why am I still so sad? I… I feel like I need to cry. Wolves don't cry. Maybe that's why I like this form so much. But…I'm out here, all alone. No one will ever know if I let myself cry. And I know that if I don't cry, it will pour out of me at some other time, and I don't want that. So I phase. And I stop fighting the urge not to cry. It isn't pretty. It's not like a few weeks ago when I was with Seth and one or two tears leaked out, no. God, I hate myself when I cry! And the more angry I get at myself for crying, for being weak, the more I sob. Huge, wracking sobs that choke me and leave me sputtering.

There is just something so fucking pathetic about being naked on the forest floor crying like this. So when I can, I limply untie the clothes from my leg and pull on undies, shorts and a tanktop. I don't know whey I bother with the panties, but it just feels weird otherwise. At least clothed I'm slightly less vulnerable. I wrap my arms around myself and lay there, trying to stop hiccupping and sobbing like a pathetic, weak… well, I imagine _Bella_ cried like this.

I think I'm drifting off. Not quite sleeping, but worn out from the crying and all the emotions… I'm tired enough that I don't hear the giant wolf pad up behind me until he's standing right over me. He dashes behind a bush and seconds later, Jacob emerges, buttoning his shorts.

"Go away, Jacob."

"I told them you would be out here somewhere,"

"Go away, Jacob."

"They were worried—you weren't at the reception, or at home, or at the Bloodsuckers', and no one could hear your thoughts. Next time you wander off into the woods, do try to stay in wolf form so we can find you."

"Jacob, go _away_." But instead, he sits down next to my head. I sit up and lean against a tree. And glare at him. But Jacob is immune to The Glare, apparently.

"Leah, they were worried."

I shrug. "I'm fine. I wanted to be _alone._"

And then, very quietly, he says, "_I_ was worried." I don't know what to say, so I shrug and act like I don't care what he thinks. Maybe if I am bitchy enough, he'll go away. It always used to work "Seth and I were afraid you'd run off again."

"I'm not running off again. Jacob, what the hell part of 'I want to be alone,' don't you understand?"

"Why are you in human form?" Ugh, why is he ignoring me? The jackass.

"So you wouldn't be able to find me," I snap. I will never, ever tell him about the crying.

"You're eyes are puffy," he says, in what I am sure he thinks is gentle voice. I look away from him. Why the hell won't he leave me alone? "Leah, if you don't want me to find you, you're going to have to go farther than this. For one thing, I know this is your spot, and for another, I could smell you."

I look up involuntarily when he says that last part. Our eyes meet and he blushes. I think. I almost ask him what I smell like. But instead I stare out at the next mountain and try to ignore him. Which is hard, because in this cold air, I can almost feel the heat radiating off his body, even at this distance.

"Doesn't it bother you to have your skin all wet?" he asks, gesturing toward my arm, where some of the moisture from the air is collecting.

"It's not even really raining," I tell him coldly. "A wolf that doesn't like rain?"

"Leah…"

"Go away, Jacob."

"Why did you leave, this time? I thought you were okay now."

I blink and turn my head in his direction, fixing him with my most deadly look. He ignores it so I finally give a quick shrug. "I didn't want people looking at me."

"You know, to everyone who isn't a wolf, you and Sam are ancient history. I know they all assume you've moved on…"

Wrong thing to say, Jacob. "You saying I haven't moved on?" I snap.

"Uh, I, um, no, I mean… Look, what I meant to say, is that for everyone else, none of that Pack drama ever happened." I don't say anything. So he keeps filling the silence. "Do you honestly care what the other _wolves_ think?"

Ugh! Jacob, I could strangle you right now! "I don't care what _anyone_ thinks!" I shout at him.

"If that were true, Leah, you wouldn't be out here," he puts his hand on my leg in some sort of pathetic comforting gesture. But his hand stays there like it's glued and our eyes lock. "You're warm," he says, quietly.

I bite my lip, "You're warmer."

"But you're warmer than a human."

I nod, "That's because I'm not a human," I say with what I hope is biting sarcasm.

"I…just forget, that you aren't like other girls."

I bark out a humorless laugh. "Not like Bella, you mean. Or Nessie." He shrugs and looks away. I wonder if he's embarrassed. I take a deep breath, "I don't care what people think, Jacob, but I want to know… do you think what they think?"

Our eyes meet and he gives a sort of half-shrug. "What is it you think they think?"

"That I am a pathetic, weak girl who hasn't gotten over Sam leaving me, and never will, because he is the love of my life…that I am destined to die alone and miserable, still pining away for someone who wishes I didn't exist," I say it quietly, shocked that I am actually putting voice to my darkest fears.

Jacob doesn't break eye-contact. "You aren't pathetic, Leah, and you aren't weak. That's why we're all intimidated by you. And Sam, _Sam_ is the weak one." I open my mouth to ask what he means—_no one_ thinks Sam is weak, but he continues, "Sam let you go. And he's afraid you. Because you remind him of his failures."

I don't say anything—there's nothing to say, nothing I can think of. I remember a time when Jacob used to worship Sam, like Seth worships Jacob.

"Ok, my turn," he says, "Do you think I'm a pathetic, lovesick puppy who's so blinded by a pretty girl that I've become the lapdog of the leeches?"

I snort out a laugh, or at least the shadow of a laugh. "Let's see…I thought it was Nessie who had you all hypnotized these days, not Bella."

"You know what I mean."

"Bella never deserved you," I say, and when he starts to protest, I cut him off, "You did everything for her, and all she could think about was her vampire. She _didn't_ deserve you, Jake, and as for the rest of it..."

"…I know it's pathetic."

"It's not _pathetic_. It's just…

"I'm not myself, anymore."

"Well, your tragically doomed crush on Bella was a big part of you, and now that you're all about Nessie, yeah, you're different," I say with a shrug. Twice in this conversation I've said "Nessie" instead of "Demon Spawn." Huh.

"I'm so afraid," He whispers and I look up sharply.

"Why?"

"I didn't want to imprint…and now… It's like I don't have any choice anymore. Sam told me once that, no, let me finish," he says when I start to protest about him quoting Sam. "He told me that when you imprint, you _don't_ have a choice anymore, and that's the point, and how great it is, but… But Sam is just weak. Nessie deserves better than someone who is in her life because he _doesn't have a choice_."

He looks so sad and afraid. And vulnerable. I reach out to touch him—I guess Alice's softness is rubbing off on me. But he leans forward at the same time and we're just staring at each other. There's so much in his eyes; fear, and something else. Longing? For what, for the good old days of loving Bella? And something else beside that. Something that could almost be desire. But I know it isn't, because Jacob would never look at me like that.

I wonder what he sees in my expression.

"Leah," he whispers softly, and my own breath hitches. I bite my lip. "Leah….don't be mad, 'kay?" he says. What the hell is he talking about now? "I woke up the other day, and," he takes a deep breath. "I liked holding you."

There's a pause, while we just stare at each other. A very short pause. And then, and I don't know who starts it, but we both lean forward and in an instant, his lips are on mine, or mine are on his, and we are kissing.

God his mouth is so warm. His hand reaches up and grabs my neck, and I know mine is on _his_ neck, my fingers are knotting themselves in his hair, and we're pulling each other closer, as close as possible, and we're kissing, his lips so firm against mine, and his tongue is moving against my tongue, his is in my mouth, and then mine in his mouth, and god he tastes so good and I never want this to stop, my eyes are shut and I can't even remember the last time I kissed with my eyes closed, or even the last time I kissed, because it was so long ago, and with Sam, and ugh I do not want to think about Sam right now, but it doesn't matter, because Jacob Black is kissing me and right now it feels like all I've ever wanted.

And it's not particularly gentle, it's not like I'm kissing him to tell him I like him or to tell him anything else, except that I am lonely and sad and _so_ damn pent-up and _hungry_ and I _want_ him, I _want_ this, I _want_ his mouth on mine and I want other things, too, I want to feel that body of his against mine, and I want his hands all over me and oh god why aren't they on me right now? But no, we're kissing, and it's so good…

His hand is in my hair and he pulls me back, back away from his mouth, and he looks into my eyes and says, "…Leah?" and I glare at him and say, my voice thick with need and desire and emotions I don't even want to think about, "Jacob, kiss me…." And then he does and oh god, he is kissing me and it's even better.

* * *

AN:

Whew, that was a long chapter! And maybe now you see why I was so excited for it! Reviews are love, and thank you to everyone who has been reviewing.

Yay blackwater…


	8. Chapter 8

Jacob's lips are firm against mine, and he's kissing me as desperately as I am kissing him, and I don't want to pull away, because I'm scared that if we pause for a second he will come to his senses and stop, or I will come to my senses and stop, but as much as I don't want to, we pull our mouths apart, to breathe…

…but instead of moving away, we stay with our foreheads pressed together, our noses nuzzling, panting hard and breathing each other's air and god I wasn't lying when I told Alice and Roaslie that he smells good, I don't think anyone's ever smelled this good to me, and when I breathe I can taste him in the air between our lips, and I run my tongue quickly along my bottom lip because I want to see if it's swollen or bruised from how hard he's been kissing me, or how hard I've been kissing him, and I hear him give a little gasp when I lick my lip and then his mouth is back on mine and he's kissing me just as hard…

I don't know how long we've been out here when it starts raining. There's water in my hair, and in his, and on our skin… and we look at each other and I giggle. A nervous sort of giggle, brought on by, what? Hormones? The happiness of not being rejected?

"Leah," he says softly, a shy smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, "You giggled."

"Yeah, Jackass, what of it?" I say, but instead of coming out with any kind of bite, my voice is soft and my eyes can't stop roving over his face.

"I didn't know you giggled," and he smiles at me and shakes his head to get his damp hair out of his face. All I can think about is how warm he is, how I want to be as close to his body, his heat, as possible. We're sort of looking at each other, trying to figure out whose nose is going to go where, who has to turn their head, and smiling, both of us. Finally he leans forward and kisses me softly and I know our lips are swollen but I don't care.

"You aren't going to punch me, are you?" he asks softly, still grinning.

"Do me a favor and don't make Bella references right now, please," I tell him, with laughter in my voice and probably in my eyes, because I see it in _his_ eyes, how he is looking at me right now, with none of the fear that's been there for months, just happiness, happiness and wonder, and he's grinning like a schoolboy and we both giggle now, and look away, and then look back at each other and then lean forward—

"Did you hear that?" he asks suddenly, turning away when he was an inch from my lips.

"Uh…?"

He's scooted back away from me like I've electrocuted him and he's looking wildly into the forest. "Jacob, who could possibly be out here? It's probably a deer" I say. And then I see it. Jogging out of the foliage is a chocolate brown wolf.

"Hey, Quil," Jacob says, the pitch and tone of his voice so different than it was moments before. He is the very picture of casual annoyance.

The wolf comes closer and glares, cocking his head to one side and looking generally upset with us. And impatient. Finally he runs behind a bush, the same one Jacob used, and sticks his head up. "What the hell, guys?" He demands.

"So, you going to stay behind the bush or come out at talk to us?" Jacob asks, sounding so nonchalant. Damn him.

"Er, yeah, I think I will just stay over here, okay?" Quil says, sounding pretty aggravated. Jacob raises his eyebrow. "Okay, look! We were really worried! Leah disappeared, and then _you_ disappeared, and we thought maybe you'd been eaten by vamps!"

"So you didn't bring any pants?"

Quil rolls his eyes at us and stays behind the bush. "Why would I bring pants on my daring rescue mission? You two should just be glad that I found you and told Seth and Embry that you weren't dead before he called the other pack."

"Yeah, I am sure Sam would be really happy you interrupted his wedding night to come find me and Leah," Jacob says and then shoots me a glance. "Sorry," he adds.

"What? Oh. You talking about Sam doesn't bother me right now." I say, smiling.

"The hell is wrong with you, Leah?" Quil demands.

"I'm in a good mood!" I yell, and then I stick out my tongue.

"What the fuck? So you two just decide to have a little chat in the forest? Great. Why couldn't you have been in wolf form so we didn't all need to freak out?"

"I started in wolf form, but none of you had phased, so I couldn't tell you we were alright," Jacob says as he gives Quil a very cheeky smile. "Anyway, I seem to recall that _I _am the Alpha, so I can pretty much do whatever I want."

"Well! Would you guys come back now?" Quil says, and phases into wolf form.

Jacob says, "Sure, sure," and then he catches my eye and mouths "he doesn't know," before going behind the bush. A few seconds later, a massive russet wolf darts off after Quil.

I fall backwards and stare up at the treetops. What. The. Hell. Is. Wrong. With. Me? Oh God. I kissed Jacob Black. And I liked it.

A lot.

And all I can think about right now is kissing him again. He tastes even better than he smells. I could try to convince myself that this is nothing, just a mindless make-out session between me and Jake, that it's just because I am lonely and Sam is married, but I know that isn't it. Or I could say that Alice's is right, and female wolves can't resist Alphas, but I know that's not true either…

As if my life needed any more complications.

I roll over and push myself up with my arms. I take off my clothes, tie them to my shin, phase, and run off after the boys.

I can hear them, of course, Quil is mostly just pissed at having to come find us, _Goddamn, why don't you two think? I shouldn't have to come check on you to make sure the bloodsuckers didn't get you_.

And Jacob is thinking, _Well then maybe you should have stayed in La Push, since I had everything under control. _

…_Ugh, Leah, drama queen…_Quil is thinking. _Running off like that…then being all happy when I finally track your pathetic ass down._

_Oh, no, I was just, um, pretending to be happy back there, so that you wouldn't know how sad I am…Yeah, oh, god, woe is me, I can't believe Sam, the love of my life, is married to Emily, my own cousin, oh, I could just kill myself but no one would care_. I focus all my thoughts on Sam. I'm waaaaay too happy right now to care about stupid Sam, but if I stop concentrating for a second, I will think about—

_Oh! The vampires!_ Jacob's thoughts blare. That was close. _Yes! I love hangin' out with Edward Cullen, he's really great, he called me his brother and his son, which is kind of weird, but anyway, they feed me, and gave me a giant doggie bed and—_

_Dog bed? What is wrong with you, Jacob? _Quil snaps. _Why are you thinking about Edward right now?!_

_Sam! Sam! How could he leave me? My heart is broken and it shall never mend, Sam! Sam! Oh, I love him so much. I remember when he gave me that necklace in high school, and that Valentine's Day when he brought me roses because I was so upset on the last Valentine's Day that he didn't do anything really romantic, and the time he told me he had the names for our children all picked out—_

_Edward! Edward's my friend! _

_What?! Did you guys hit your heads? I didn't run all the way out here looking for you to have to put up with hearing about Leah's never-ending depression and your mancrush on Edward. _

_I do NOT have a mancrush on Edward, you obnoxious, little, _

_Well then _why_ are you talking about him? Why the hell are you thinking about Edward Cullen right now? Thank _god_ we're almost home!_

And in an instant, Quil has phased. I know this, because I don't hear him, can't feel his mind there.

_Hey, Leah?_

_Yes?_

_That was close_, he thinks, and I can sense his relief that Quil didn't figure it out.

_Edward Cullen? Why were you thinking about _Edward Cullen_?_

_Because I was trying not to think about, you know, and when I think about Edward, it's impossible to also think about sex, oh god, why did I say sex? _I can feel his embarrassment and it's kind of cute. _Why were _you_ thinking about Sam Uley?_

_Because, moron, everyone thinks I am bitter and depressed all the time. I was being sneaky!_

_No, you were making me jealous_. And his thoughts go blank and I know he's phased.

If wolves could blush, I'd be blushing.

* * *

"You okay?"

"Seth, I'm _fine_," I sigh. My brother is actually a really nice guy, for such a dweeb. He just worships Jacob in the extreme. Oh shit, what am I going to do if my baby brother finds out I made out with his hero? Somehow I don't think that would make him very happy.

"You sure? Quil says you were pretty upset when he found you, actually, he said that you were giggling and acting ridiculous as a cover-up but as soon as you phased he could sense how depressed you were, and you left the reception so suddenly…"

"I'm really, truly fine. Better than I've been in a long time," I flash a quick smile, hoping he will take the hint and leave me alone. "I just…needed to be alone." Under the table, Scott is begging for scraps. I pat his head but of course the dweeb is feeding him.

"You'll spoil him, Seth."

He gets up from the table and pats my shoulder as he walks by. "'kay." He pauses, and then adds, "I hope whatever Jacob said to you cheered you up." Well, that's _one_ way of putting it. So instead I shrug. "So…now you see why I don't hate the Cullens?" he asks.

I shrug again, "Yeah, they're alright."

"You let Alice do your hair and makeup."

"Alice and Rosalie are less annoying than, say, Emily. Doesn't mean I like Bella. Or Nessie."

"I'm glad I'm not the only wolf who likes the Cullens," Seth says

"Jacob likes the Leech Family."

"Now if we can just get Quil and Embry to come over to the Cullens—"

"Then we can be an entire pack of vampire guard dogs?"

"Leah, why are you so mean about it?"

I sigh. "Rosalie is my friend, Seth, and Alice too. And Jasper and Emmett aren't bad, either. Actually, they're pretty funny, especially when they are teasing Edward."

"So why do you still call them 'bloodsuckers' and act like you hate them? They'll think you don't like them."

I roll my eyes at him. "They know how I feel"

"Speaking of Edward, did he and Jacob have a fight?"

My head snaps up at the sound of that. If they had a fight, I can imagine what it was over. "Not that I know of…" I say, slowly, carefully.

"Edward and Jacob and I were going to hang out tonight, but Jacob told me that he didn't want to do it anymore, and then he said, 'I don't think it's a good idea for me to be around Edward right now.' So either they had a fight, or Jacob doesn't want Edward to know what he's thinking about. But Jacob never has anything to hide."

I feign casualness and shrug. "I'm sure it's fine. Maybe they are just being moody with each other for old time's sake."

Huh. So I guess Jacob doesn't want to risk Edward finding out about us kissing. Does that mean that he thinks it was a mistake and he wants to forget about it? Or does it mean he wants me, but doesn't want Edward to know because of the whole Nessie issue?

Ugh. The Nessie issue. Yeah, I really need to talk to Jacob.

Christ. It's like being a teenager again.

"At the wedding, Bella said you were going shopping with her sisters today…and she might go with you?" Seth asks. I nod.

"Yeah, so since you aren't going out with Edward and Jacob, can you look after Scott for me?" Under the table, Scott perks up at the sound of his name. Probably thinks he's going to get more breakfast scraps.

"Just because Jacob isn't going doesn't mean that I'm suddenly not going to hang out with Edward. Anyway, weren't you the one who said I needed friends?"

"Real friends, moron, not—"

"Edward is my _real_ friend. What, he's some how not real just because he's a vampire?"

I roll my eyes. "Yes, Seth, I'm telling you that vampires aren't real. Ugh, you are so dense. I'd throw food at you but Scott would eat it and get sick from eating something that touched your body," I tell him. "And anyway, if Bella the Helpless One goes with me and Alice and Rosalie, then Edward's going to have Nessie, so it's not like Scott will be interrupting your guy time."

"Or Carlisle and Esme will be watching Nessie!"

"What were you going to do with Edward that's so important that you can't bring the kid and the dog?"

"Fine, Leah! Fine! You are so freakin' selfish. I will take Scott! You know, normal people leave their dogs at home when they go somewhere."

"Yeah, well, Scott's a special dog. Just don't let the bloodsucker or the half-bloodsucker eat him."

"Ugh!" Seth rolls his eyes and marches out of the room. Well, that certainly got the attention off me and how I may or may not be feeling after yesterday, thank god.

* * *

Instead of running over, I drive Alice's Porsche back—I didn't return it last night after the wedding. After parking it in the garage, I knock on the front door of the Cullens' house and then walk in. Of course the furniture has all been rearranged. I wonder if that's what they do at night—just move the sofas and tables around. I'm slightly envious of how much time they have to do whatever.

No one seems to be in the big room, except for Jasper, sitting in an armchair in the corner, reading _The Seattle Times_. So I sort of stand there awkwardly.

Jasper glances at me from over the top of his newspaper and says, "Hello, Leah." He moves his eyebrows in such a way as to indicate that I should have a seat over near him.

So I do. Despite his blond prettiness, Alice's husband always struck me as something of a badass. It's the scars, and the fact that I know he's a pretty serious fighter, and that he has the hardest time with the "vegetarian" diet. Calling themselves "vegetarians" is ridiculous. They don't drink the blood of carrots.

I giggle, despite myself. Jasper lowers one corner of his newspaper and says, "Alice asked me to tell you that they will be right with you—they weren't sure exactly what time you'd be over, and apparently there was something urgent that they had to take care of this morning." From his tone, I can tell that whatever it was that was urgent wasn't urgent in Jasper's mind.

I got back to my train of thought. So if these vampires are "vegetarians," are the other vampires "humanitarians?" I giggle again.

Jasper is still watching me over the corner of his paper. He arches his eyebrow. "What are you giggling about?" he asks. I tell him. A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. "You know, you're pretty funny, for a mutt."

"Thanks, parasite."

"So I was thinking about you, after you left for the wedding," he sort of drawls, his accent just barely discernable.

I raise my eyebrow. "Oh? About how you realized that not all werewolves are lame like Jacob and Seth and now knowing how awesome I am, you wish _you_ were a wolf instead of a lameass vampire?"

He just rolls his eyes at me and asks, "Are you familiar with Isadora Duncan? She was born when I had been a vampire for about 14 years."

"Is she a leech?"

"No." Jasper folds his newspaper and sets it in his lap. He seems serious. "She is considered by many to be the mother of Modern Dance."

I nod and keep watching him. "O…kay," I say. Modern Dance? What is Jasper even on about?

"She was tragically killed in France when, on the way to an assignation with her young Italian lover, her scarf got tangled in the car's axles and strangled her."

Okay, what the hell do you say to that? "Well, thanks for the warning. I shall avoid scarves while riding in convertibles."

"That's not what I meant. Anyway, she once said something that reminded me of you." I keep watching him, wondering what he's going to say. This is really not where I was expecting this conversation to go. "She said, 'you were wild here once, don't let them tame you.'"

"Uh……" And there's lots of dumbass comments I want to make about being permanently tamed by a scarf, but… it was actually a really nice thing for him to say. So nice that it takes me by surprise. I have to sit and think about it. _You were wild here once, don't let them tame you_. Who is the 'them?' I wonder.

So I ask him. He has already started reading his newspaper again, but when I speak, he puts it down and just looks at me. "Who do you think it is?"

"Is this about Alice doing my makeup?" I ask, and he smirks at that.

"Do you really think so?"

Okay, buddy, what's with the Socratic method? "No." I say finally.

"I don't think so either. I did for awhile. I told Alice to give you your space, you aren't Bella, who needs a lot of care" he says, and then pauses. "You understand that I mean that with a lot of respect, for both you and for Bella. She is a very nice girl and having her in the family has made my wife very happy. And Edward, of course." He takes a deep breath, and I know he is indicating that we are switching back to the topic at hand, "No, I think the girls are trying to… untame is the wrong word. Anyway, I just thought of it, that Isadora Duncan quotation. Something about you going off to that horrible wedding…"

"Horrible?"

"Leah, it is pure vanity to expect the woman whose boyfriend you stole to parade around behind you in an unflattering dress acting like you aren't a complete bitch," Jasper says.

"She's not a complete bitch," I tell him, tiredly.

"And the dress did not look bad on you, I just meant, generally, bridesmaids' dresses are known for being unflattering." He says, smiling his strange smile. Strange because I can't tell if he means it ironically, or even if he smiles like that because humans smile and he is consciously pretending to be human. When Jasper smiles, I have the sense that there's more going on there that I don't know about.

"Anyway, you don't have to defend your cousin to me. I can sense emotions, remember?" he continues, and I nod. Of course I remember that about him—again, he must mean it sort of ironically. "You weren't exactly Miss Happy when you left here, yesterday. And do you honestly want to stand up for Emily? Do you really not blame her?"

I shrug. I don't exactly care, right now, about Sam and Emily. I mean, I do care. But if I start thinking about them, then I will lose my Jacob-Happy.

"So you don't think any of this is Emily's fault?" he asks.

I shrug again. It isn't really. "It's not her fault my boyfriend imprinted on her."

He arches an eyebrow and smirks at me. "No, but she had a choice about whether or not to pursue a relationship. Or, do you believe that once imprinting occurs, the element of choice vanishes?" And now he's openly grinning at me, like a cat playing with a mouse. Not eating the mouse. Just torturing it. The bastard.

"I…"

"Leah," he sighs. "Leah, Leah, Leah," Oh, he gets points for the obnoxious head-shaking and tsking. "I know. I mean, I _know_. You've lighten up like a Christmas tree drenched in gasoline on the few times I've seen you and Jacob in the same room."

"Okay, you and your brother with your freaky powers is so, _completely_ disturbing—"

"No. What's disturbing is when you have my abilities and you have to spend half a century with Edward being depressed all the time. As I said, Bella's introduction to this family is a very, very, _very_ good thing." He opens up his newspaper again, and by that I understand that he has finished talking to me. I am really starting to wonder where Alice and Rosalie are, when Jasper says, over the top of the _Times_, "I would do anything for Alice. You deserve that."

And right then, there's a sound that is remarkably like thunder, but no, it's just Emmett running down the stairs as noisily as possible. He starts running toward the door and then stops, looks at me, and then plops down onto a loveseat near where I'm sitting with Jasper.

"Hey, what's up, Lady Wolf?"

"Emmett, is Rosalie going to be here anytime soon?"

"Uh, yeah, she and Alice just had to deal with something, I don't know. Why, is my brother annoying you?"

Jasper glares at him over the corner of his newspaper. "I was telling her about Isadora Duncan." And then he goes back to reading.

Emmett leans forward and whispers, very, very loudly, "Jasper is kind of a nerd." I stifle a giggle. "You're in a good mood," he says.

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

"Did you get laid?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?" I say, at the same time Jasper says, from behind the paper, "You should not talk to a lady in that fashion."

Emmett just shrugs and laughs. "I know about you and Jacob," he says

Okay, what the hell? It was one kiss! One damn kiss! Well, a bunch of kisses, but one make-out session! One time! And now everybody knows about it?

"Leah, I know you like him," Emmett continues. Oh, good. So he doesn't _know _know. "I am not a complete idiot, you know." At that, Jasper makes a sort of coughing noise from behind the _Times_, but says nothing. "I figured it out," and here he starts waving his finger at me, punctuating every word, "I figured it out when anytime anyone said 'Jacob' Alice and Rosalie would start giggling uncontrollably. And you're the only unmarried chick we know… Well, except Nessie, but if Nessie were involved, then they wouldn't be giggling, they'd be sharpening kitchen knifes."

"Our wives hardly need knives eviscerate someone," says The Newspaper in front of Jasper's face.

"So anyway, I know you are into Jacob, but I wanted to have a serious talk with you before anything happens."

Oh god. Oh god, I do not want the 'you are a devil home wrecker' speech, I do not want to be told that I'm doing something wrong, that I'm hurting Nessie. She's just a child! She doesn't like Jacob like that! It's not my fault that _I _look at him I see his chest, and his abs, and the definition of his pelvic muscles, just barely visible over the top of his shorts….

…damn.

But Emmet says, "Leah, this is important. When you have sex with Jacob, _use a condom._"

Okay. That was _not_ what I was expecting. My mouth literally falls open. "Uh…"

"No, no, let me finish," he says, putting his hands up. "We don't have any condoms in the Cullen household, obviously, or Nessie wouldn't be here, but if you want to borrow my Jeep to go to the pharmacy and get some, you can."

"Um…..Emmett….." I have no idea what to say. As weird as it was talking to Jasper, my day just got _much_ weirder. "That's a nice offer…. But….we're not really at that stage. And anyway, I'm infertile."

"We thought Edward was infertile too. Surprise!" Emmett says.

"Um, 'kay, but I don't ovulate."

"Neither does Edward," says The Newspaper. I laugh.

Emmett takes a deep breath and sighs, as if he's about to explain a very hard concept to a very small child. "Leah, condoms don't just protect against pregnancy," he says. "They protect against venereal disease."

"Uh, what?!" I snap. What the hell kind of girl does he think I am?

"No, not you, obviously, but Jacob," Emmett shrugs. "Jacob seems like the kind of guy who might have VDs and I want you to be safe."

I roll my eyes at him. "Jacob doesn't have any diseases."

The Newspaper says, "Other than rabies."

"How do you know?" asks Emmett.

"Uh…because he's a virgin," I tell him, annoyed. Why am I being so chatty with the leeches?

"Wait, what?" Emmett asks. "Really?" he sounds genuinely surprised. I think he forgets how young Jacob is (oh god!) Ok, not _that_ young, but and also how many years he was in love with Bella for.

"He's been in love with Bella since he was 15, Emmett," I tell him. "And then Nessie."

"What is it with Bella attracting these types?" he seems to ask rhetorically. He turns his attention back to me, "Anyway, Leah, venereal disease is a serious problem."

And that's just when Dr. Cullen walks in the room. "Hi, kids."

"Hi, Carlisle," we all say.

"Miss Clearwater," he gives me a head nod. And then he looks like he wants to say something, either about today's conversation or about yesterday's dead strippers. But instead he just walks upstairs.

God, does he just stand outside doors waiting until someone says something awkward and then come in at exactly the wrong moment? No, I realize. His sons are probably _always_ having awkward conversations. Except for Edward. Ha.

And then Jasper pushes down the corner of his newspaper and regards Emmett over it. "Who even says 'venereal disease' anymore?"

"Yeah, I was wondering about that," I add. They ignore me.

"What? 'Venereal disease' is what they are called!"

"Uh, maybe it the fifties," Jasper says.

"These days it's 'sexually transmitted infection,'" I say, to continued ignoring on their part.

"Well, I'm from the fifties! At least I'm not freakishly old like you, you Southern…"

Jasper puts down _The Seattle Times _and folds it neatly, acting for all the world like arguing with Emmett is a chore. "Oh, yes, mock me for being Southern. And I may be older than you, but at least I can keep up with the times."

"Well…. well……you're a blond pretty boy," Emmett says, with the air of someone who clearly thinks he has just won the argument on the most devastating of insults.

Jasper merely sighs. "Tell me again, Emmett, how you managed to get mauled by a bear?"

Emmett sits up and puts his hands on his knees. "Okay, I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but bears are really dangerous!"

"Uh huh."

"It could have happened to anyone!"

"Anyone with very few brain cells. Were you wearing liver-scented aftershave at the time? Is _that_ why the bear attacked you?" Jasper asks.

"Maybe they don't have bears in _the South_," Emmett says, to which Jasper rolls his eyes and then acts like he is more interested in the _Times_ than in Emmett. "but they can be totally badass."

"I suppose, if you _were_ even actually mauled by a bear," Jasper says, while still looking at the paper. I wonder if it's just a prop so he can act uninterested in everyone else. Then again, maybe he is actually reading it.

"No, you idiot, I _pretended_ to be mauled by a bear."

Jasper finally looks up. "If you were actually mauled by a bear, why don't you have any scars?' he says, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"….." Emmett's mouth is open, but no sound comes out. "….I _was_ mauled by a bear."

"Uh huh," Jasper looks at the paper again, "A magical bear with invisible non-scarring claws."

"I almost died!"

"I am sure you did."

"Jasper! Maybe I don't have any scars because they healed when I was changed!"

"Or maybe you got drunk and wandered into a pit and don't want anyone to know and so you invented this 'bear story' so no one would think you're a dumbass. And Rosalie is in cahoots with you."

It's Emmett's turn to roll his eyes. "I did not get drunk and wander into a pit. And nobody says 'cahoots' these days except for old women."

"Uh huh. Except that you blatantly did. The pit, I mean."

"Whatever, old woman."

"I have a question," I say, and they both look at me. "What happens if you guys drink the blood of someone who drunk? Do you get drunk?"

At the say time that Emmett says, "We don't feed on humans," Jasper says, "Yes."

I am stifling giggles (it is wrong to laugh about vampires), the door opens and _at last_ Rosalie and Alice come in.

"Oh, hey, Leah, sorry we kept you waiting," says Alice, dragging a large cushy chair up between me and Jasper. It's amusing watching such a little person move such a large chair. Rosalie, meanwhile, is sitting next to Emmett, with her feet up on his thigh.

Jasper and Emmett are regarding them with the same curiosity as I am, so finally Rosalie says, "Alice saw something, but we think it's nothing important."

"What was it?" Jasper asks, the newspaper falling to the floor as he leans forward. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Jazz, it's nothing. It was just a flash. No danger," she says, and he immediately relaxes.

"Alice saw some trees," adds Rosalie.

Emmett laughs and asks, "Wait, trees?" He stops laughing when he realizes no one else is. "Scary trees?"

Alice shrugs and shakes her head, like she's trying to clear it, "No, just… trees. In the forest. I don't know. I can hardly see anything anymore, what with the wolves," she nods in my direction, "and Nessie. But… it was almost like…in the corner or what I saw, there was something that _could_ have been Nessie. I don't know…"

"You think you saw something with Nessie?" Her husband asks.

"Yes… Anyway, that's why Rosalie and I were over at Edward's cottage this morning, to try to figure out what it was about. Edward talked to Nessie, but he can't make any sense of it, and neither can we. Anyway, it might just be a fluke."

"I thought everything you saw…?" I ask hesitantly. I don't really know much about Alice's "gift."

"No, no. Before, I used to see all kinds of things, all different possibilities, and most of them wouldn't even happen. But this is the first time I've seen anything with Nessie."

"So you're sure it was Nessie?" asks Jasper.

Alice shakes her head. "No… it was just this little light part in the corner. With an arm. I really don't know, Jazz, and we can't figure it out…but it didn't look like Nessie or whatever was in any danger."

"An arm?" says Emmett, but everyone ignores it.

"Alice and Bella and Edward and I thought it might just be best not to worry about it," says Rosalie, biting her lip. "We need to distract Alice, so she doesn't obsess…. Anyway," she turns to me, "that's why we left you with the boys so long. I hope they didn't annoy you."

"No," I say, but my mind is still on Alice, "No, they didn't. Well, Jasper didn't."

"I was giving you valuable advice!" says Emmett, sounding happy. I realize I feel a lot calmer, and even Alice is less pale (Okay, not really. Vampires area always pale. But she seems less worried.) She's holding hands with her husband, and he must be calming us all down.

"What advice?" asks Rosalie.

"About 'venereal disease,'" I say, doing little airquotes.

She turns on him and smacks his arm. "Emmett! What do you even know about that?"

He shrugs. "Carlisle has medical books…" he stops talking when we hear a noise on the porch. We all turn and look as Bella, Edward, and Nessie walk in. I shoot Emmett a panicked glare, hoping he notices. Edward can't read my mind—he can't find out about Jacob.

"Hi, Leah," says Bella, smiling at me. _Think Sam, think Sam, think Sam. _I wave back and inadvertently catch Nessie's eye. (When did I stop calling her Spawn? Fine, I catch _Spawn's _eye.) She smiles at me, this creepy smile well beyond her years—biological or physical. It's a very knowing smile. But she can't know, can she?

"Know what?" asks Edward. Ugh, wasn't this the guy who everyone says is respectful of privacy? "Emmett, stop it!"

Sure enough, Emmett has this expression on his face like he's really, really concentrating. Edward, meanwhile, looks appalled. "Whatever, Emmett," says Edward, "I have to talk to Carlisle. Nessie, come with me, okay?" and the father and daughter start upstairs. I wonder if this is about Alice's vision.

"Oh, hey, Edward," I call. "When you're with Seth tonight, don't eat my dog."

"….Jacob?" Emmett asks as soon as Edward and Nessie are upstairs. Rosalie and Alice stifle giggles.

"What?" asks Bella. "Where's Jacob?"

"Never mind, Bella," Jasper says, and then adds, "You girls enjoy your shopping trip. Alice, try not to worry." And they smile at each other.

* * *

Minutes later, I'm riding shotgun in the BMW, with Alice and Bella giggling happily in the backseat. "Downtown Seattle?" asks Rosalie, and we all agree readily.

"What are we getting?" Bella asks.

"Underwear for Leah," Rosalie says, and I smack her arm and give her The Glare.

"We are not," I say firmly.

As we drive off, I realize I am going to have to find a way of telling Rosalie and possibly Alice what's going on, without telling Bella. Somehow I don't think she'd be happy about this new development.

* * *

AN:

Hello! I hope you are still enjoying this story. I can't get this story out of my head, I even _dream_ about this fanfic. Reviews are still love, and thank you for all the really nice reviews chapter 7 got! You guys are the best.

* * *

(And now, an unnecessarily long extra author's note that you don't have to read.)

AN 2:

I am so glad you liked Chapter 7! If you were hoping that Chapter 8 would be one giant Blackwater lemon, then I'm very sorry. I just don't see that happening yet, and if I don't believe it then I have a hard time writing it… Which is why Nessie is in this story and Jake is still imprinted on her. I'm trying to make this a cannon, non-AU fic with a non-cannon couple… (Not that Jake/Leah is _that _uncannon… I think Stephanie Meyer just didn't notice all of the hints. I know she said in an interview that Leah just likes Jacob as I friend, but I shall ignore that).

So yes, this is a Blackwater fic but you might be wondering why it took so long to become apparent. There is a reason for that, and it is that I see this story as being one mostly about Leah getting herself together, growing as a person, and so forth. I don't buy Leah's BD ending, that "well, she's suddenly happier now that she's not around Sam and she's a beta." I think she needed to evolve a bit more and deal with some of her emotions before she would be ready to pursue Jacob. And as for Jacob, as much as I want to just pretend Nessie never happened, she did. I think Jacob is a very, very confused little werewolf right now and needs to get his life in order before _he_ can pursue the fabulous Miss Clearwater.

This is by way of saying that there is more Blackwater coming, and there are even scenes I keep seeing that I know can't happen for awhile yet, since these characters aren't there yet. I will reveal more later, but I just wanted you to know I have a vision of where this is going. And it's not going to suddenly be "They get married and live happily ever after THE END" in the middle of nowhere.

Also, that quotation of Isadora Duncan has been in my head throughout the writing of this story...


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This is regarding the rating of this fic...

(((SPOILER ALERT FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER)))

I've left it at T, because there is not any sex. But there's more kissing and such than in the Twilight books…(well, except for _Breaking Dawn_, where there's off-page sex that results in Nessie, the darling little ship-killer.) Anyway, this seems _much_ less M-esque than the average M-fic, but more T than Twilight. It's just a little bit more than Chapter 7, so if you don't want to read about Leah's passionate feelings for Jacob, then I'd just skip scenes between them in this chapter. If you survived the Emmett conversation last chapter, I think you can handle this.

* * *

"So you like him, then?" Rosalie whispers as we pace back and forth behind endless rows of what qualifies as underwear these days. Alice must have sensed that I had something to get off my chest and that I wasn't ready to come out of the closet as a home wrecker to Bella yet, so she threatened to get Bella lacy lingerie. Bella gladly fled. Now Alice and Bella are off somewhere looking at something; I don't know what, since apparently Alice has already given her an entire wardrobe.

Bella's irrational fear of sexy undies actually makes me somewhat respect her.

"What about these?" Rosalie asks, pointing to something with rhinestones. Someday, someone is going to have to explain to me why rhinestones are suddenly appearing on panties. If something is going to sparkle, it should be something that people actually see. And if I were going to make it with a guy and he saw my panties and they had little rhinestones on them, somehow I don't think he'd be impressed. But then again, I don't know. Maybe guys secretly love rhinestones. Maybe it's like their number one secret turn-on. Maybe _that's_ where I went wrong with Sam, rhinestoneless panties.

I shake my head, "I'm not at like a sexy-underwear-stage."

"But you like him, obviously," she says, and then looks around to make sure Alice and Bella haven't come back.

I sigh. "I don't know. That's the problem."

"But you said you liked kissing him?"

"Kissing a boy and liking him are different things. I kissed _Jared_ once, and it didn't mean I was in love with him."

"Wait, who is Jared?" she demands, seeming to be really interested.

I roll my eyes, "He was the second guy to phase. Anyway, I kissed him one time in middle school during Spin the Bottle," I shrug. "Just making a point that just because you kiss someone doesn't mean you're in love."

She's glaring at me. "Okay, Spin the Bottle in middle school does not count. Are you saying that you and Jacob yesterday were like that?"

"No. Fine. I don't know. I just…"

"You liked kissing him?" she asks gently, and I nod. "You'd kiss him again?" Again, I nod, because I would. Kissing Jacob again is pretty much all I can think about, and that's the problem.

"Would you go on a date with him?" she asks.

"A date?"

"You know, like to dinner or something. I'm asking if you'd be embarrassed to be seen with him in public. I would be."

"I know what a date is. And no, I'm not embarrassed to be seen with him."

"So you—" she starts to say, but I interrupt.

"Yes! Okay, yes! I like him! I like him a lot! But it's _not that simple_!"

"Why? Why isn't it that simple? Not everything has to be complex, Leah."

It's my turn to glare at her. "Why are you even on my side at all? Nessie is your niece."

She sighs dramatically and turns to face me. "Yes, she is. And I love Nessie very, very much. She is the daughter that I will never have. But if Jacob likes _you_ then I'd rather he be with you than with her. And anyway, Jacob annoys me, so I really don't want him for a nephew. Now, what about these?" She's holding up little ruffly panties that look like they fell of the Moulin Rouge. "They have ones for every zodiac sign. What are you?"

"What the hell? Why would I want my zodiac sign on my panties? That's worse than rhinestones. Anyway, you don't understand how imprinting works. Jacob and Nessie are soul mates."

"You told me once that even you, even your Tribal Elders, for that matter, don't understand imprinting. And they aren't soul mates. You can't have a soul mate until you know who you are, and Jacob and Nessie are two of the most confused people I've ever met."

"Nessie is confused?" I ask, genuinely surprised.

Rosalie nods, "She's almost as much of a one-of-a-kind as you are, Miss Wolf."

"Do you think Sam broke up with me because I don't have rhinestones on my panties?" I ask, just to change the subject. She snickers. "Yeah, make sure when you deflower Jacob to wear sparkly panties. He'll be yours for life."

I laugh at that, too, even though I wish she'd stop acting like things are so certain. My mind wanders back to the forest when Jacob and I kissed. I hadn't felt that happy since before I lost my father, since before I phased, since before Sam left me. Kissing Jacob made me feel like everything was right in the world, but of course, it was the opposite that was true. Wasn't it?

"Did you find anything?" Alice, who has suddenly materialized at our sides, asks. Bella is in tow behind her, looking like she hates this shopping trip. I wonder briefly why she is here, but then, I suppose even young, vampiric mothers sometimes need to get away from their kid and husband and enjoy some girl time.

Rosalie is telling Alice that no, we didn't, and trying to sneakily mouth "they kissed." Without Bella noticing.

I look at Bella and realize I had better do this now, because it's going to have to be done sooner or later. And Rosalie has filled me with courage. Not courage, exactly, but some kind of determination (Sam always said I was sooo headstrong)…

"Bella," I say, lowering the pitch of my voice so I sound dominant, not scared and afraid to tell the girl Jacob loved for years that I sorta, kinda, maybe (really, really, really) have a thing for him. "I like Jacob." There. I said it.

Except that I didn't. I just opened my mouth and the words didn't come out. Because I can imagine what would happen if I did. She'd blink like a moron a few times and say, 'you're friends,' like if someone comes up to you and tells you that they like someone they obviously mean it _as a friend_.

So then I'd say it again, emphasize the word 'like' so that she gets that I mean that when I look at him all I can think about is wrapping my legs around his waist and making him moan my name, but I'd say it in such a way that she'd know that it was more than that, that maybe, almost, I respect him as a person. Or something. Maybe.

And then she'd say, 'but you can't like him, he's imprinted on Renesmee.' And then she'd lecture me on how what I am doing is wrong, how I was wrong to kiss him and how I'm ruining her daughter's life… and god, but I _know _she's right. I _know _it. What the hell is wrong with me that I'm only into guys who have imprinted?

So instead I don't say anything.

"Leah?" Bella asks. I snap out of my thoughts and look at her. "Uh, you said my name?" she says.

"Um, Bella, you're a Libra, right?" I say, handing her the ruffly Libra panties. Smooth, Leah, very smooth.

* * *

How many little boutiques can we visit? After the adventure in the lingerie section of Nordstrom (apparently the Cullen ladies can't get enough Nordy's) we seem to be visiting every single boutique in Seattle. And that's a lot. Alice and Rosalie are completely and utterly enthralled. I think Bella has been bored from the very beginning, but she liked the company. And I don't know how I feel.

Spending time with Rosalie is pretty great, since every time I look sad she makes a point of distracting me and saying horrible things about Sam and Emily. This happens about every 10 minutes or so. I'll be looking at jewelry and she'll say, "I bet they only did it once and then fell asleep cuddling each other like pathetic little Love Zombies."

And Bella or Alice will say, "What's wrong with that?"

And Rosalie will say, "Not the cuddling. The only doing it once thing."

Or I'll be looking at shirts, really nice boutique shirts that cost 180 and are clearly just someone's brother's rock shirts from 1973 with glitter paint added to them by a "local artisan" and she'll say, "Sam was probably just intimidated by how good you are in bed,"

And then Bella or Alice will say, "How do you know that?"

And Rosalie will say, "Because I do. That's my gift. My special gift is knowing how people are in bed."

And then the sales lady will look at us oddly.

So it's a good day because of that. And it's a good day because I remember what it was like to kiss Jacob. But as soon as I start remembering it, I remember how hopeless it is. How I have no chance of being with him, because he's imprinted on _Nessie_, on _Bella's daughter_, and then I think about how much of a monster I am, how I never should have kissed Jacob yesterday, and how he probably hates me for throwing myself at him like that… god, I'm such a fool.

And whenever I think this, I frown, and Rosalie sees, and says "I bet he's thinking about how much more he likes your body than hers. Emily's probably pretty flat. I'm guessing. I've never seen her."

In about the seventeenth boutique of the day, I say, "Rosalie, it's not about Sam. I mean, it's not _just_ about Sam. I have to stop being an idiot."

Then she glares at me and whispers, well, it comes out as more of a hiss, "Didn't you hear anything I said! If you like him, be with him!"

But it's no good, really, because I know what _Bella_ would say. Or Edward. Or even Seth. Or my mom.

But we're here on a shopping trip. So we do buy some things. Actually, okay, so I let the leeches by me some things. I protest, but Rosalie and Alice and even Bella insist. Bella says, "It's so nice that they are doing this to someone else besides me."

"Should we drop you off at your house?" Rosalie asks, "Or somewhere else?"

"Why would we drop her off somewhere else?" asks Bella.

Rosalie shrugs and says, "I don't know," and then mouths "Jacob's bedroom" to me. I glare at her. She refuses to understand why I have to do what I'm going to do. She acts like I have a choice.

Alice hasn't said much about it, since she's been with Bella most of today, and I kept chickening out about telling Bella. Anyway, why _do_ I have to tell Bella? No one else ever needs to know since nothing's going to come of it. Still, I wonder what Alice thinks…

They drop me off at home, and I carry my little bags inside. It's worrying that now two shopping trips have been financed by the bloodsuckers, one with the gift card and one today, _and_ let's not forget all the Scott paraphernalia. What's more worrying than that is that I'm okay with it.

Where's the girl who hates the bloodsuckers? They certainly smell awful. But on an individual level… four of the ones I know are okay, two I am indifferent to (Dr. Dracula and his wife) and two that just sort of annoy me on principle (Mr. and Mrs. Loveleechy).

Mom and Charlie are in the living room. I think they might even be awkwardly holding hands or something. Because when I walk in the front door, they scoot apart from each other a few inches and both stare into a different corner of the room. "Hey, Mom, Hey, Charlie," I say, waving at them as I head toward my room.

"Oh, honey, did you have fun shopping?" my mom asks as I leave the room. I feel obligated to stop and talk to them, now.

"Yeah, it was great. Charlie, Bella was there. Rosalie and Alice kept trying to buy her stuff and she kept freaking out."

Charlie looks uncomfortable, whether it's because I 'walked in on them' or if it's because he's not entirely at ease with Bella's lifestyle/state-of-existence. "That's nice," he says weakly. I do feel sorry for him, having a leechlover for a daughter. I wonder yet again if he even knows exactly what she is, or if he just figures it's worse than being a wolf and that's pretty bad.

"Honey, where's Scott?" Mom asks. "He wasn't here when I got home from my walk."

"Oh, yeah, I made Dweeb take him on his playdate with Edward and Nessie today."

Mom tsks when I say "Dweeb" and Charlie blanches even more at the mention of Edward. But I wonder what it's like for these two to have their families so intertwined? And the Clearwaters are definitely more tied to the Cullens than to Sam's pack.

"Yeah, okay, I'm going to go put these in my room and then I'm out of here," I say, hoping they take the hint that if they need some privacy, they can have it. I'll go run around the forest or something or read. I just can't bear to be in the house with Mom and Charlie right now with their little loviness.

* * *

I need to talk to Jacob. I need to tell him why this can't work. But I know he already knows. He probably hates me for the kiss. Nessie is his world. The kiss was a mistake, an accident. My depression after the wedding and my hormonal build-up caused by not getting any since Sam left me are obviously getting in the way of a normal Alpha-beta relationship. I wonder if he's avoiding me. I haven't seen him in nearly a week. Of course, it helps that I'm avoiding him, too.

Because I know I have to apologize, and I hate apologizing. Because on some level, I know that what I am doing to Nessie is not fair—she's just a child. I shouldn't steal something that belongs to a child. The term "candy from a baby" comes to mind.

So I keep avoiding Jacob.

There's that, and there's the fact that at night when I am trying in vain to sleep I know that there's a very dark part of me that doesn't care that Jake has imprinted. That doesn't mind that one day he will leave me for Nessie.

I remember high school, when I used to lay curled at Sam's side and we'd hear his mother in the next room singing along to some horrible, depressing music. I can remember the song, because she'd play it over and over and over again, the singer's low voice carrying through the walls, etched permanently on my brain. Little naïve 16 year old Leah didn't understand it, why anyone would listen to a song about love that was so sad and hopeless. And now, at night, when I am trying not to think about Jacob, my mind plays that song on endless loop. I hear _Baby let's get married, we've been alone too long. Let's be alone together, let's see if we're that strong. _And I wonder what it would be like to be alone together with him. To have someone to hold me, even if it's just for awhile.

But that's just at night. In the morning, I strengthen my resolve; Never, ever, _ever_ will I think about Jacob that way.

And I keep avoiding him.

It's Friday when I finally talk to Jake. Charlie comes to the house to pick up my mother. I assume it's for a date. (Yes, my mother goes on dates and I don't. Thus is the life of the world's only female werewolf.) But no, she explains, on her way out the door—they're also picking up Billy (whatever quarrel long since forgotten) and then having dinner at the Atearas'.

Huh. If Jacob is home, which he probably isn't, since he's probably out with his three year old girlfriend…. But if he _is_ home, then he's by himself.

So I go up to my room and try to take a nap. Which fails.

I've already walked Scott today, so that time-killer is out. In fact, he's curled up on the foot of my bed, and forcing him to go out with me seems cruel. Why torture the poor dog just because _I _messed up and made-out with my Alpha? And yes, I let Scott sleep on my bed. It wouldn't be fair not to, really—wolves okay, but dogs not? And by wolves I mean me, not anyone else. Dream-Jacob at night in my mind doesn't count.

I'm staring up at my ceiling when Seth comes in the room. Thanks for knocking. Ugh.

"Leah, you okay?"

"Yes. I'm really happy. Leave."

"Um, I saw Jacob today."

"That's nice. You're in my room. Please rectify this."

"He said he wanted to talk to you."

At that, I turn my head to look at Seth. "Really?"

Seth nods. "He said it was important."

"That's nice."

"So I told him you were here and he should just come talk to you."

I jump up, fast enough that the room spins around me. "What?"

"Yeah. He said he'd be here in like half an hour."

Okay, Leah, quick decision-making time. Do you stay here, hide under your bed, and hope he leaves? No. I should just go talk to him and….tell him I won't come on to him anymore. I tell Seth that I'll go over to Jacob's, if it's so damn important. He finally leaves my room (probably after shedding countless dweeb cooties all over the carpet, which I shall now have to have professionally cleaned).

I can't go over there looking all girly. I have to remind Jacob that I'm a, you know, freak. Female werewolf. Abomination unto nature. Packmate. Not someone he wants to get involved with. Also, a bitter, bitchy harpy, or whatever it is those dumbass boys decided I was. (Better that then a heartbroken wretch.) Not that Jacob is really going to be looking at me all gooey-eyed, anyway, since he probably hates me. But I can't have him thinking I'm there to seduce him.

Step one: Pull hair up into a messy ponytail. Step two: change into a tank top. I usually rock the tank tops when I've phased recently, so this should remind him of what I am. Now I look super-casual and unsexy. Yay! (I hate my life.)

* * *

I find him in his garage, working on a car. Must be one of the guys'. So what, was he just going to finish installing the carbonadiator (don't really know anything about cars, nor want to) or whatever and then just pop by my house to tell me off for minxing him? Jerk.

"Yo," I say, as casual as possible, and of course he sits up too quickly and hits his head on the bottom of the car. Which is pretty funny. He pushes himself out and up and glowers at me.

"Tiny, oh, it's you."

"Seth said you were going to come over. So….I beat you to it."

"Yeah. Hey. Um." He steps toward me. So I step back.

"Jacob, we have to talk."

He sighs and nods. "Yeah, I know." He walks past me and toward the house. "Come on, let's talk inside."

I follow him. He walks right past the living room and into his bedroom. "Uh?" I ask. I don't exactly want to be in his bedroom right now. Well, I _do_, which is _so_ not appropriate.

"This way we can hide on the off-chance Rachel and Paul stop by," Jacob says, putting as much disdain into the single syllable of "Paul" as possible. He's holding his bedroom door open for me, and as I pass by him, I can feel the waves of heat pouring off his skin. It makes me shiver.

I grab his desk chair and sit on it as casually and unladylike as possible. By that I mean I slouch, don't cross my legs…this will be so much easier if Jacob just looks at me and thinks "wolf." He sits on the corner of his bed. There isn't very much space between our knees, so I sit up in the chair. Distance beats casualness, I suppose.

He bites his lip and looks like he's about to say something. So I cut him off. Might as well get to the point. "I'm sorry about what happened. It's my fault." There. I said it. Now I can leave.

"Leah, don't," he says, but mostly it just annoys me. Don't what? Haven't I done everything I'm supposed to do?

No, of course not, and that's why I'm here—I wasn't the perfect girlfriend to Sam, so he left me, and I wasn't enough of a woman so I phased and became even less of one, and I wasn't strong enough not to let Sam with his stupid "Lee-Lee"ing get to me, so the Pack hated me, and now I can't even control myself around Jacob, whose body, heart, soul and mind are all claimed by those damn leeches and their Spawn, so what is it exactly that he doesn't want me to do?

I ignore him and stand up, but he's standing, too. He's got my wrist in one massive hand and he's holding me there. I wish he wouldn't touch me.

I turn my head and when I look in his eyes it's like the rest of the room, everything, is gone, melted away. So I blink.

"Please?" he says, and in his voice I hear fear. Fear of what? I already told him that I'd stop throwing myself at him like a pathetic—what's the term the Pack used about me when I'd think about Sam? Oh, right, 'bitch in heat.' Leah, control yourself.

He's still holding my wrist, like he knows I'll bolt at the first chance I get. I wish he wasn't so strong.

"Jacob, there's nothing else to say. You don't have to say anything to me. It's okay. I know you're confused about Nessie, but she'll grow up soon and—"

"Dammit!" he says, loudly. It startles me. Why could he possibly be upset with me now? I've apologized, haven't I. "This isn't about _Nessie_!" he says it with so much scorn, so much anger, that I gasp. "Leah, for once in my life, this isn't about Nessie or Bella or whatever else it is you think is going on!"

"Of course it's about Nessie," I say as coldly as possible.

"Leah, do you hear yourself? Nessie is three years old! Or eight! Or whatever the hell she is! She's like my little sister! What does she care if I touch you? This isn't about not hurting _Nessie_. Fuck hurting Nessie. Stop acting like she owns me, please. I'm not a _thing_, Leah, I'm a person."

"I'm sorry. I don't understand. You've imprinted," I say, the anger gone from my voice.

"Leah, I told you weeks ago, I'm like two different people… when Nessie is there, yes, she's the entire world to me. But I'm not myself when I'm with Nessie. And _even then_, I still want you. And when Nessie's gone, it's like waking up from a dream, and I'm me again." He takes a deep breath, and I can see that he's shaking, "I don't know what to do. What is it you think? That I just want to sleep with you until Nessie is old enough and then I'll leave you like _he_ did?" As Jacob says this, he gestures toward his bed and shakes his head angrily. "_That's _what this is about, okay? I'm _not Sam_. I _won't_ be like him," he says, and I wonder if he's trying to convince me or if he's trying to convince himself.

But it doesn't matter because apparently a man telling me he doesn't want to be like Sam is all it takes these days, so before Jacob can finish his sentence I'm on him, my mouth against his, pressing my body as close to his as I can. My self-restraint is gone, because if Jake doesn't think this is wrong, doesn't think that Nessie is his soul mate, and seems to actually care about not treating me like Sam did, then to hell with doing the right thing. Because _god_ do I want him.

Kissing Jacob is just as good today as it was last week. When I ran at him to kiss him, I hit him hard enough that he has fallen backward onto his bed and I've been pulled down with him.

He scoots back so we're all the way on the bed, and his mouth doesn't leave mine. His hands are on my hips and waist, moving up and down the curve there. And suddenly his grip tightens and in an instant, I'm flat on my back he's pinning me. I'm not a very small person—six feet is hardly small for a girl, but Jacob has more than half a foot on me and his chest is so broad that being underneath him like this makes me feel tiny indeed. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and knot my hands in his hair, clinging to him, pulling him down against me, trying to smash his chest into my breasts because all I want to do right now is feel his body against mine. But Jacob pulls away and looks down at me.

"Leah…" god, his breath is so ragged. He's panting, and then I realize I am too. _I want him_. "This isn't about killing time until Nessie is grown up, okay? I…like you. And I don't want to hurt you…"

"Shhhh, Jake, stop talking," I say, but playfully. "If the next thing out of your mouth is going to be about Sam or Nessie or Bella, please don't say it."

And then I arch my body up toward him and bite his bottom lip softly. And he looks at me in utter shock and I remember that the only person he's kissed beside me is Bella and before that thought can fully register, I'm flat against the bed again and he's pressing me down. "God, Leah, I _want_ you." He's kissing me, and his hand is in my hair, pulling my hair-tie out, and he's murmuring against my mouth about how good my hair smells and how good _I _smell.

But all I can smell is him. His skin and his hair, hanging down on either side of my face and even his sheets smell like him. I shift my legs so he's laying between them and my hands wander down to his shoulders. His whole body is corded with muscle, like all the wolves, but there is just something so _perfect_ about him.

Something's wrong though. Oh, right. For once in his life, Jacob is wearing a shirt. I put my hands against his shoulders and push. He pushes himself up, bracing himself with his forearms (I could stare at the muscles in his forearms for hours). "Jake, shirt," I say, panting, and he sits up on his knees and pulls it off. How is it possible that I'd forgotten what his chest and stomach look like? I see them every day, almost. But not in this context. Not knowing I can touch him…

He pins me again, and puts his left forearm under my neck. Hello, new favorite pillow. His left hand is in my hair, while his right hand is on my waist. And then it's moving up, pushing my tank-top with it, until my top is bunched up under my breasts and I'm squirming underneath him, trying to rub our skin together, because he's _so warm_ and oh, he's stopped kissing me and I make a noise of protest but his mouth is on my neck and he's kissing gently and it's so incredibly nice.

Finally he moves his hand up to my chest, nervously. Nervously? And then I remember that he's never done this before and I want to laugh, or giggle, because he's so incredibly good at it, and all I can think is that my shirt needs to be higher, or better yet, on the floor, and meanwhile Jacob's mouth is at the crook of my neck and his breath is in my ear and…

….the phone starts ringing.

"Ignore it, Jake." And thank god he does, he keeps kissing my neck and his hand seems to be getting more comfortable so I arch my back and press myself against it and he makes the most adorable little whimpering noise…

…..and the answering machine picks up, and the caller is told to leave a message.

He moves back to kiss my mouth, as hungrily as ever. I close my eyes and I feel like I'm falling or floating, or I don't know what.

….And then the caller _does_ start leaving her message.

"Jacob? Jake, are you there? Please pick up. It's Bella…"

And he stops kissing me and looks over at the phone on his nightstand. I try to growl in protest, but he's turned his head. So I start kissing his neck, as passionately as I can, and I pant in his ear, and whisper his name, and I _know_ he wants me, and Jake's just frozen there, between my body and her voice…

….and then she says those three little words….

"…Renesmee's in trouble."

And his hand flies over to the phone and picks it up and…I realize, with absolute certainty and clarity of mind that I _hate_ Bella Cullen.

He's off me, now, talking to her. He just says "uh huh" a lot, and I straighten my tank-top. He hangs up, _finally_, and looks at me. "Oh, god, Leah, I am so, so sorry," and he sounds it, too. He reaches out and tucks some of my hair behind my ear. "After everything I said, and…can you forgive me?" He leans forward and kisses me almost chastely, but not quite, because behind seems to lurk a promise.

"Nessie has gone missing… we don't think it's anything serious, but Bella wants me to help them look… Edward can't hear her thoughts, or anything, and…I should go. I promised Nessie I would protect her. _That_, at least, _is_ my job…" he's rambling now, trying to defend his actions.

And as angry as I am at having been interrupted, as much as I literally want to kill Bella right now…I know that whatever is going on between me and Jacob is going to be like this.

"I never thought that I wouldn't have to share you." I whisper, surprised at myself.

He gently grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. "Leah. I am _so_ sorry. But I meant everything I said. Nessie is like my sister. But what I feel for you, it's entirely different. Awe, mostly. Admiration. And more than a little desire." He kisses me again, a ghost of a kiss, our lips barely touching. Before I can enjoy it, he's pulling me up and out of the room, out of the house. "Call your brother on your cell, okay?" and whether he's asking or commanding, I don't know; he's already back in Alpha mode. "I need the whole pack to phase and get to the bloodsuckers' as soon as possible."

* * *

By the time I redress myself and get to the Crypt's front door, Quil, Embry and Seth are here, too, pacing in the forest. Jake decides that he and I should go in to talk to the leeches, to figure out what the hell is going on. Seth and Quil take off to start doing a perimeter; Embry stays a wolf on the edge of the forest to pass messages to those two. Not that there's much point in a perimeter as the vamps have already been searching and haven't found her, nor her scent.

Jake doesn't knock, of course. There are quite a few of the leeches in there, arguing. Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett are missing; I assume they're out searching.

"How you could have let this happen?!" Rosalie is demanding of Edward when we walk in. As much as I dislike him, I do feel sorry for Edward. He looks incredibly pained. He must be out of his mind with worry about his little girl. Rosalie takes a deep breath and seems to calm down a bit. She pats her brother's arm and says, "Sorry, you know I don't blame you. I blame myself as much as anyone…" It seems like everyone is in a pretty bad mood over here…

Jasper looks like he's concentrating as hard as he can, trying to keep everyone calm. It doesn't seem to working too well, but at least Rosalie hasn't murdered Edward yet.

"She must be in the forest," Alice keeps saying, over and over. I remember last week when she had the vision of something in the forest. Maybe it was Nessie, after all. Alice must be blaming herself, too, for not being able to see clearly.

"Are your packmates out there?" Edward demands of Jacob, and when he nods, Edward heads for the door. "The others, I mean, my parents and brother, are still searching, too. I'm going to go help them and look again. Maybe I missed something. Maybe now I will be able to hear her. Jacob, look after Bella." He runs out so quickly that I barely see it.

Bella, meanwhile, is beside herself. She has thrown herself on Jacob and is crying, well, sobbing. She's making all the right sounds but there aren't any tears. (I wonder at this, and then remember that she's a freaking vampire and vampires can't cry. Duh, Leah.) "Jacob! I'm a bad mother! How could this have happened?" He's patting her back and they're both looking entirely miserable.

"If something happens to her, I will never forgive myself," Jacob is muttering. "Bella, I need to go look, do you want to come with me? Or is it better for you to stay here?"

"They've been searching the forest in bigger and bigger circles," Rosalie explains to me; Jasper is clearly having an effect on her, at least. Alice comes over to where we are standing and together they fill me in on what's been happening. The girls tell me this might just be their hindsight, but they think something has been off with Nessie for a few days. No one knows what it is, but she's seemed especially distracted; her little pictures haven't been as vivid. Because of that, they think she might have been planning this, planning to go off on her own. But if that's the case, she somehow managed to keep it from her dad, no small feat, and also from even altering them or Bella or even Jacob that anything is wrong.

"She is probably fine," I say, mostly to Rosalie, since I don't think anyone else is listening.

Except, apparently, for Bella, who looks up from where she has her face buried against Jake's chest. (I wonder if she can smell me on him?) "How can you even say that, Leah?" Bella demands.

"I'm just trying to be rational," I say, in what I hope is a comforting voice. "Nessie is a very smart girl. If she's gone off, she probably has a reason. She has to be fine."

This does not appease Bella. "It's my _daughter_ out there, Leah! My _daughter_!" she snaps and then clings to Jacob again.

I start to respond—hoping I can say something to comfort her, when really I'm just as confused as everyone else. Where could she have gone? How could she have gotten this far away from her family without anyone noticing?—and then I notice Jacob has tears in his eyes.

"Jake," I ask. "If anything happened to her, you'd know, right? You'd feel it?"

He nods, while Bella continues to make whimpering noises. "I think so. I don't know. Oh, Leah, how could we have let this happen?"

Rosalie takes my arm (strange that it doesn't bother me anymore to be touched by leeches) and she and Alice and I head toward the door. "Come on. We'll go join the others and look," says Rosalie.

Jacob and Bella meanwhile, are having their little guilt party. "Jacob, you should be looking, too. And Bella, come on," I say to them. Standing around crying or whatever isn't going to make this better.

I'm almost out the door when a very upset Embry marches in. "What the hell, guys? Care to tell me what's going on?"

"I thought you were waiting for us outside?" Jake asks, clearly trying to get a grip on himself and start acting like an Alpha again.

"Jake, what's going on? We get called by Seth to say that something's happened to your imprint, then you leave us out there in the forest, Seth and Quil are searching but they don't know what they're searching for, half the vamps are out there, half are in here, what the hell, man?"

"I don't know. Nessie's missing and we have to find her. The leeches have been searching the forest, but no sign of her, and," he gestures to Bella, who is still clinging to him, "Bella's not really okay, either."

"I'm sure she's fine," I say again, in what I think is a comforting tone. Let the record show that I meant Nessie and not Bella, and I was saying it to _be nice_. "We should go look," but before I can get out of the door, Bella is furious again.

"Stop saying that Leah! I know you don't even like me or my daughter, so don't pretend like you care about her! And stop trying to take Jacob away right now! My daughter is more important than anything else!" she yells. Jasper takes a step forward, trying to calm her, but she seems to be beyond his influence.

Ok, that sort of pisses me off. Maybe more than sort of. But I have to remember that Bella isn't thinking, so I start to say something, but Embry cuts me off.

"Leah, leave Bella alone! Can't you see she's distraught?" What the hell? What was I even doing? "Don't mind Leah," Embry says to Bella, stepping closer to where she's standing in Jacob's arms. "She's just a bitch. Honestly, I'd say she was PMSing, but, oh right, she doesn't—"

It happens so quickly I don't even see it. The next thing I know Embry is howling in pain and clutching his nose and there's blood on the floor. Jacob's arm is out and he's facing Embry.

"Shut the hell up, Embry. Don't talk about Leah like that. Don't you ever talk about Leah like that!"

"What the fuck, man?" Embry is screaming, "You broke my nose. Shit, that hurts!"

Jasper eyes the blood on the floor and mutters, "Well, it's a good thing I don't eat dog."

"What just happened?" Alice asks, inching toward the door.

"Leah is the _beta_, you don't talk to the beta like that," Jacob is saying, but the anger is gone from his voice. "Shit, Embry, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to hit you that hard."

Embry, meanwhile, is still swearing to himself and holding his nose. He moves one hand away, while the other is pinching his nose in place. "Is it on straight, guys?" he asks. "Jacob, if my nose heals crooked, I will fucking kill you."

"It's straight," says Rosalie and Embry sighs. Within minutes, I know it will be as good as new. Jacob still looks stunned—whether it's at himself for hitting Embry or because Nessie is missing, I can't say.

But there's no time to think about it. Rosalie, Alice and I are out the door, with Jasper right behind us. Embry too. We'll go find her. She can't be far away, can she? I hear Jacob calling my name so I turn around as he runs up to me. "Leah, can I say something to you?" he asks, his voice soft, or at least softer than it was.

"Uh…yeah?"

"If this gets serious out there and there's a fight or something, no heroics. Don't do anything silly just to prove you aren't weak. No one thinks you're weak." And then he and Embry dash to the forest to phase and are gone.

"That was definitely not what I thought he was going to say," mutters Rosalie as we head toward the woods. I strip and phase and just like that, I'm off, running with Rosalie.

In my head I can hear Jacob's thoughts—he's with Bella and Alice. Embry seems to be with Jasper, so if Jasper sees anything, Embry can report it to Jacob. Quil and Seth are out there, too, searching, and all the other Vampires besides.

I wonder how long it will take us to find her.

* * *

AN:

Thank you, yet again, to all the reviewers. Reviews make my day! Reviews make me want to hurry and write more (I _need_ to get this story out of me, but reviews make me want to do it faster!) So if you've just read Chapter 9 and you're thinking about reviewing, I think you should 

Oh, and yet another "this is from so-and-so" notice. The song that Leah is thinking of when she's contemplating having an "until Nessie grows up" affair with Jacob is by a Canadian singer/songwriter/poet named Leonard Cohen. It's called "Waiting for the Miracle" and the verse Leah hears goes:

_Ah baby, let's get married,  
We've been alone too long.  
Let's be alone together  
Let's see if we're that strong.  
Yeah let's do something crazy,  
Something absolutely wrong  
While we're waiting  
For the miracle,  
for the miracle to come_

I actually really like Cohen and particularly this song.


	10. Chapter 10

AN:

Thank you to Wotcher-Tonks for pointing out that it's not exactly clear why Embry and Quil are on the same "frequency" as Jake. I had it in my head that they eventually joined Jacob's pack sometime after the Final Showdown with the Volturi, but I can't find where in _Breaking Dawn_ it says that. So I might have imagined it. But even if it's not cannon, I've seen it in "fanon," and in this fic, Quil and Embry are in Jacob's pack.

Secondly, Leah's descriptions of Bella are biased, and Leah isn't always a nice person. As readers of SM's books, we've spent a lot of time in Bella's mind, so we know her a lot better than does Leah. Leah sees Bella from the outside and filters what she sees through her own issues. (I think Bella's actions in the books especially with regards to Jacob would seem quite selfish if they weren't narrated by her). Leah is also doing a fair amount of projecting her own fears about being with Jacob onto Bella and imagining Bella wouldn't approve.

Just like Leah doesn't know what's going on in Bella's head, Bella doesn't know what's going on in Leah's head. Bella was distraught after her daughter turned up missing. Furthermore, Leah has been so cruel in the past that it's not likely that anyone (here, Embry and even Bella) is going to assume that she's being nice, even when she's trying.

Lastly, Embry doesn't really think Leah can even _be_ nice, since he's borne the brunt of a lot of her teasing in the past about his father.

Whew! If you thought that was a long author's note, wait until you see the one at the end of this chapter!

* * *

Jacob's panic is palatable. _Shit, Nessie, what happened? _is just about the only thought in his mind. Over and over. He's tweaking. And he hears me think that. But unlike Bella, he doesn't care.

How long have we been out here searching? It feels like hours. _Definitely at least two, _thinks Quil.

_We don't even know if she's out here._ That's Embry. He's not really in a good mood. I guess his nose still hurts.

_Of course she's out here! Where else would she be? Shit! Oh god, oh god, oh god…._ Jacob, of course.

_Jacob, seriously, calm down. You're no good when you're freaking out like this_. I think in what I hope is a "nice" way. Embry, Quil and Seth all chime in their agreement.

_Wait!_ I think. I'm the farthest out. Up in the mountains. _I think I might have smelled something. Not sure though, checking it out. _And in just a few minutes, Edward's at my side. Damn the boy can run fast. I wonder if I could out run him, or any of his family. Then again, I wasn't really running, since Jacob doesn't think I can run and smell at the same time.

"You smell something?" Edward asks.

_Yeah, I think so. Not sure… I think I've got it again, there!_

_You've found her?_ Jacob asks, hovering on the brink of relief. Scared to relax, in case it's a false start.

"Nessie!" says Edward, and Jacob hears it through me. I hope Edward will fill me and the Pack in, and of course he hears my thought. "I can hear her! We must be getting closer!" he says, overjoyed.

Relief washes over Jacob, too. It makes me feel better, having him feel better. Damn hive mind.

Edward and I are running as fast as we can now, toward where Edward hears her thoughts. I wonder if she knows we're coming. "No," Edward tells me.

I get to her first; guess I _am_ faster than the loveleechy. She's in a clearing. _Thank god she's alright! Oh, Nessie!_ That's Jacob. Anyway, the clearing is a small one. And it's very, very far from her home. _How did she get this far? Leah, ask her if she's alright! _She's sitting there, fine as can be. Next to a boy. _Who?_I kind of recognize him, like I saw him through one of my packbrother's thoughts. _Nahuel_, Jacob thinks. _He's a male Nessie. What are they doing?_

_Uh, Jake,_ this is Quil, now, cutting into Jacob's monologue that was cutting into my monologue. _Just watch what Leah sees. She can't possibly answer all your questions that fast. And it looks to me like Nessie is in one piece. _As Quil thinks it, his thoughts carry lots of support for Jacob. He knows if Claire ever went missing, he'd be nonfunctional.

Edward runs to his daughter. She startles when she sees him. I can't tell if Edward's angry or relieved. Relieved that Nessie's okay; he's hugging her and covering her with kisses. It's actually almost cute. But he doesn't seem too happy with Nahuel. The boy interests me. And that's what he is, too. A boy. He looks no older than seventeen, _he's older than that_, thinks Jacob, who is racing as quickly as his lupine legs can carry him toward the clearing where his imprint is. Mr. Nessie in action. _That's how we know that Nessie is immortal. _

_What do you mean, he's a boy?_ That's Seth, hurt because he's seventeen, too.

_He still looks younger than Edward, and Edward's allegedly seventeen, too. What I mean is that guys your age aren't men yet. Nor are girls. _

_The only girl I know who is a man is you, Leah_. Embry. Still being a jackass even after his nose got broken.

_Shut up. I mean boys aren't men at that age and girls aren't women. It's like… a development thing. Teenage boys have different musculature than guys my age_. And then I accidentally picture Jacob's chest. And shove it out of my mind as quickly as possible. _Uh, like how Jacob looks older than Nahuel_. Nice cover, Leah. Jacob _does_ look a lot older than his years, and certainly a lot older than Nahuel.

_Leah, we all know you're deprived and haven't gotten any in a long, long time, but seriously, stop thinking about the development of male bodies and focus on Nessie. I know Jacob would appreciate it_. That's Embry. I don't know if I've mentioned this but Embry's an asshat.

Jacob is silent. Trying to block out his thoughts. I wonder if he's just trying to ignore the "Leah hasn't gotten any" comment.

_Tell the leeches that we've found her_. Jacob, and it's an Alpha command. The others start howling. I can barely hear them. Damn, we're spread out. Add "messenger for the bloodsuckers" to our resumes, I guess.

I wonder if I should go over, closer to where Nessie is with her dad. Or if I should run off and leave them in peace. Edward looks up and waves me over. "You might as well. Jacob will be here in a second." And sure enough, Jacob breaks through into the meadow.

Nessie is in Edward's arms, but she reaches out to pet Jake. Edward and I can both see what she's telling him.

"It didn't work, it didn't work, it didn't work," she says, or thinks, or shows. Whatever the hell you call her particular brand of communication.

"Honey, why would you ever want to run away?" asks Edward, still clearly distraught.

But that's not right. That's not what Nessie is trying to show us. "It didn't work." This time she says it audibly, her voice sounding much older than the 5th grader she looks like. And then I make sense of the picture she's showing us. It's Nahuel. Biting her.

Christ.

* * *

It takes a lot less time to get back to the house. Because we're running top-speed, and straight ahead. Not that I even know why I am going. _Seriously, Leah, we should just go_, thinks Quil. _Come on guys, we really, _really_ do not need to get more involved with these ridiculous vamp problems. _

_Yeah, Jake, catch you later, dude_. Embry, saying goodbye. The two of them run with us awhile longer and then veer off toward the Rez. Seth is just as confused about what to do as I am. It really doesn't concern us, I guess, but Seth's friends with Edward, and I'm friends (really?) with Rosalie and Alice… so….

The only thing Jake can think about is to worry about Nessie and what she's thinking and why in the hell she told Nahuel to bite her.

_Seth, let's go home, baby bro. _I think.

_Yeah, okay, that's probably best…._

_Wait. _That's Jacob. _You Clearwaters, come back with me. _

_We'll just be in the way_. I think, but Jacob's sends his adamant refusal. Typical male, not listening to reason.

My brother starts to argue, _Uh, Leah? Isn't that— _

_Seriously, you two, shut up and just come to the Cullens'. Things are about to get _really_ bad and you guys can help keep everyone calm. _Jacob again.

_Jake, you sure _I'm _the best person for that job?_ I think.

But we go, anyway. I just want to see what the hell is going on with Nessie and this Nahuel guy.

* * *

Bella's in the center of the room, clutching her baby daughter and covering her face with kisses. Nessie is clasped to her chest while her mother shakes in relief, and probably a thousand other emotions. And then everyone else gathers around, every one of the leeches petting Nessie, saying how glad they are that she's okay. "Nessie, Nessie" everyone's saying. For about five mintues.

And then Nessie says, yes, in her audible voice, "Why is everyone treating me like a child?" And the girl sounds kind of pissed.

"Because you _are_ a child, honey," says Bella, still stroking her daughter's ringlets.

"Am I, mother?"

"You've been alive for less than four years…" Bella says, still in her comforting tone.

"And I look like I'm older than _that_, and mentally I'm much, much older."

And at that moment, I'm truly grateful that I'm not a part of this family. Because, seriously, I thought _I _had issues.

As for Nahuel, when he moves Edward looks up and glares at him. "Don't go anywhere. I'm not finished with you," he practically growls. I've never really seen Edward pissed before. It's slightly terrifying.

* * *

They've been talking and arguing for hours. Good thing I don't have anything better to do with my life. I'm on one of the sofas. Rosalie is sitting next to me. She's spent at least an hour holding hands with Nessie trying, like everyone else, to figure out what the hell is going on. Nessie tried explaining it with her voice, just so everyone (Esme, Carlisle, Mr. and Mrs. Loveleechy, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice… I don't think Seth, Nahuel and I really count as participants) could hear. And now she's touching them, showing them. I think everyone sort of knows, now, but no one _understands_.

So now Rosalie is with me. Talking about what Nessie said and what she showed. As if I have anything to contribute to this conversation.

Oh. Am I comforting her? That's…. _weird_.

She's just mostly saying, over and over again, that she had no idea Nessie felt this way. That's basically what all the other bloodsuckers are saying, too. Everyone feels responsible. Rosalie, because she's Nessie's aunt, the one who defended her when she was inside Bella, killing her. Because she's one of the primary caretakers of Nessie, after Edward and Bella.

Jacob's doing the same thing. He's imprinted on Nessie, so he should have seen this coming. Edward and Bella think they are failures as parents. Alice feels responsible because she can't See Nessie, except that maybe she can. No one knows what to make of that. But Alice feels guilty—if her vision _was_ of Nessie, then why couldn't she see more? Esme and Carlisle hate themselves because they feel like they should have the most experience with childrearing. Jasper and Emmett are just sort of generally feeling bad because everyone else is, I guess.

They're also trying to figure out how Nessie managed to give them all the slip. (I don't really care how she did it. It just seems to me that she's a hell of a lot smarter, or at least more devious and clever, than any of them gave her credit for being.) She keeps explaining over and over that she wasn't running away. She just needed to try this. Try being bitten. Why? Well, because Nahuel is the male of her species. He has venom; she doesn't. She wanted to see what the venom would do to her. Would it make her a vampire? She would have asked one of them to bite her, but none of them would have agreed, she said.

This revelation does not please Jake. He doesn't understand why Nessie wants to be bitten. She tries to explain to them all that it's not even about being a vampire. It's about… and here she has trouble explaining. It's about being _something_. Something that makes sense. No one understands. Except…I might. But I don't say anything. I don't even know why I'm here.

So I tell Rosalie it's not her fault. She's staring at the ceiling. I say it again, and I mean it. "Honestly, she is probably just, you know, unsure of her place in the world."

"How could she be unsure? We all love her. We all love her so much," Rosalie says.

* * *

Sleep is nice. Sleep is very nice. At times, one might even say sleep is nicer than sex. I wish I were having it right now. Sleep, I mean. Or, actually, I wouldn't say no to sex, either. I roll over. Sex with Jacob could be pretty nice. He wasn't bad at the whole making out thing. Okay, he was really good at it. I'm blushing just remembering it. Both times. In the forest and in his room. Oh god in his room. That was pretty hot when he was on top of me. I can't believe he pinned me like that. Bold move, Jacob. I approve.

I never made out with Sam in the forest. Once, in an empty classroom during lunch at school. That was at the start of my junior year. I thought guys were supposed to like that kind of thing—getting action in strange places. Granted, school isn't _that_ strange, and we were just kissing, plus some awkward pawing at me on Sam's part…. But still. And the sad thing is it was definitely _my_ idea. _I _dragged him into that classroom. Maybe Sam is just incurably boring in that respect.

I wonder if Jacob is like that too. But since he pinned me so quickly… maybe not.

I roll over again, Scott whimpers in his sleep. Damn dog, sleeping when I can't. I look at my clock. It's 2:37 am. I wonder what Jacob's doing, and I wonder what Nessie's doing. Probably sleeping. She's probably tired after her exciting day of running away and throwing her entire family into an unholy panic.

Maybe Jacob is sleeping over there. On his giant dog bed. I could go over. And what? Seduce him? Cuddle with him? Then I wonder if Nessie already is (cuddling, not seducing), and the thought makes me irrationally jealous. Why should I care? It's not like she has breasts or anything.

It's 2:34 now. Yay time passing. Seth and I left the Cullens' house… nearly two hours ago? Mom was nearly fit to be tied, us running off after vampire problems like that. But I guess Seth had actually called her on his cell once we found Nessie, so she was slightly more okay than she would have been otherwise. I wonder if she told Charlie. I wonder if Charlie even knew his granddaughter… was what? On a secret date with some dude form the Amazon? That's actually kind of funny.

Well, what else was I going to do on a Friday?

Sleep, Leah. Stop imagining making love to Jacob. God, how did I even get this way?

* * *

I wait until afternoon to call Rosalie. I called Jacob, first. But Jacob, of course, doesn't have a cell phone. So I call his home phone and _Paul_ answered. Freaking Paul. He said Jacob wasn't there. Then he asked what was going on with the bloodsuckers and why were we all running around—their pack heard us howling. I told him that I wasn't going to reveal important pack secrets to _him_. Sam, or Jared, Sam's beta, maybe. Or they could ask Jacob. And I said it with as much bitchiness as possible. Jake would be proud.

So anyway, then I call Rosalie. She, at least, lives in the 21st century and has a cell phone. She says that everything is fine. "Really, fine," she says, but she sounds tired. I tell her that. "Leah, vampires don't get tired."

"Well, maybe you're hungry?" I suggest. And then I'm appalled that I am having this conversation with a vampire. Come to think of it, her eyes _were_ getting pretty black.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm going hunting with Bella and Esme tonight. So maybe I'll see you tomorrow, after I get back?"

I tell her yes. She says Alice is around, and wants to talk to me—Rosalie says she wants to know about the whole kissing-Jacob thing. But she also says that Alice has her hands full right now trying to deal with the Nessie situation. I think the leeches are spending a lot of time talking together.

"Oh, yeah, as long as we're talking about Jacob, um, I made out with him again."

"Really? When?"

"Er, yeah, sort of right before Bella called to tell Jacob that Nessie was missing."

"So were you like going at it when Bella called?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Damn," She says, and then there's a pause. "I'm not sure what to say. Awhile ago I would have said that the Mutt should have been guarding Nessie and then she wouldn't have run off. But, I've talked to Nessie….I don't think it would have mattered." She sighs, and then continues, "I think a lot of it is just trying to assert herself, like you said last night…you know, we've kept her at home mostly; until her growth slows down or stops we can't risk sending her to school. So that's the first thought on my mind. The second is that ew, why would anyone want to make out with that dog."

"Well, I'm just as much of a wolf as he is."

"Yeah, exactly. So, I guess the last thing I was going to say was that it must have sucked to be interrupted like that. Wait," she says, like it's just occurring you her, "You guys were going at it and he _answered the phone? _I would castrate Emmett if he ever did that."

"He didn't answer until Bella said on the answering machine that Nessie was in trouble."

"Ah. Still."

"Yeah. The worst part was having to adjust my shirt while he was on the phone with her."

"Oh. Wow. So this was going to go somewhere?"

I make a noncommittal noise. "I really haven't given it much thought." This is a lie. It's basically all I think about at night. And other times, too.

She's laughing, because she knows I'm lying. "I'm so glad you called. It's nice to have something to laugh about. Things have been pretty tense over here. Edward's on the verge of murdering Nahuel. It's not even his fault, you know. Nessie wrote him a letter. Who writes _letters _these days?"

"What, they don't have a special myspace or facebook for mythological creatures?" I ask. She laughs at that. Pretty hard, too.

"That'd be great. Instead of poking you could have 'suck the blood of…'"

"Well, you would. Mine would be 'shed on…'"

As soon as we stop giggling, she says, "So yeah, she wrote him this letter, and he came up to see her. Edward doesn't understand why Jacob's not more angry."

"How is Jacob?" I ask, trying to keep my voice as neutral as possible.

"Oh, he's fine. He's here. I'll tell him to call you—oh, hang on, my husband just came in." There's a pause, and then I hear he speaking away from the phone. "_It's Leah. No. Ugh, you are so immature._ Leah? Yeah, sorry, Emmett's asking me with rather crude hand gestures if you and Jacob have had sex and I'm telling him to mind his own business. _No, Emmett, go away, I'm trying to talk to Leah… No! They haven't….I know because she told me…No, that's different, we're girls, so we get to talk about this…No, we don't talk about you….of course she's being honest with me._"

"Rosalie?"

"Yes? Sorry, it's Emmett. He won't leave."

"It's okay," I say, laughing. Emmett's pretty amusing. And then I hear a fumbling noise, like someone trying to take the phone away.

Which is what must have happened, because Emmett says, "Hey, there, Lady Wolf! So guess what?" He doesn't wait for me to speak but says, "I totally went to the store and bought condoms for Jacob!"

"……I see," I say weakly. "Um, what did he say?"

"Oh, I haven't given them to him yet. I'm waiting until this whole Nahuel thing blows over."

I hear the fumbling noise again, and then it's Rosalie, "Sorry about that. Emmett doesn't have any friends of his own. Anyway, um, I promised Bella that I'd tell you that she wants to talk to you."

"Oh."

"Yesterday was not a good day for any of us over here. Bella was in pretty bad shape when Nessie was missing. She knows she shouldn't have yelled at you like that. She's really sorry."

"'Kay. Tell her that's fine. Um."

"She wants to talk to you. She was pretty insistent."

"Oh."

"After she's hunted you should talk to her. Actually, she'll be in a _much_ better mood after she's hunted."

"Yeah, okay," I say lamely. I don't really have anything to talk to Bella about. Nothing. Well, I could tell her about Jacob. Maybe Jacob already has? Maybe they had a little late-night talk last night, sometime around 3 am (or 2:37 am…) where he told Bella that… that what? That he likes me? That he wants me? Except that Bella and Jacob have got their hands full with Spawn. And Jacob even said that when Nessie is around, she's all he can think about.

Which means he probably wasn't laying awake last night imagining my body pressed against his…

Damn. Not helpful.

* * *

I know Jake hasn't been home since Friday because I've been calling over there every day. Today is Thursday. It's been basically six days since I last saw Jacob—technically I was over at the Casa de Leeches very early on Saturday morning.

Paul never answered the phone again—Rachel did, on Sunday, though. I guess they are over there a lot, or at least on the weekends. Rachel's almost done with her degree at the University of Washington, but Jake said she comes home as many weekends as she can manage. It's kind of a serious drive, but she's making it more and more, because of Paul. Paul's Jacob's age, too, which is… weird. Kind of a serious age difference, since Rachel's almost a year older than I am. Makes me feel less creepy for how I look at Jake. I wonder how often Rebecca, Rachel's twin, comes home. I guess not often.

Billy answers the phone, mostly. Once I left a message on the machine. I could call over now, see if Jake's back. Or I could eat ice cream. Ice cream it is.

I've eaten the ice cream. The problem with pints is that they go too quickly. Mom's got some casserole in there that I could eat. Except that there's a note that says, "Attention monster children: DO NOT EAT." I guess that means she doesn't want us to eat it. Or something. Yeah, so I eat a lot for a girl. But not as much as the other wolves. I need a lot of calories to run around on pointless patrols all the time. And like, keep my fur glossy.

So I pick up the phone and call. It's Billy. Again. "You're sure calling my son a lot."

"Um, yes."

"Is it Pack business?"

"Um, yes."

"The last girl who called over here this much was Bella."

"Yes. Um…"

"I don't like the Cullens," he says. Points for randomness. I wonder what he would think if he knew that I was friends with a few of them. Not that I will _ever_ be a leech lover. "…My son has imprinted on their little half-bred daughter."

"Yeah, I know."

"The Tribal Council isn't sure exactly what imprinting means," he says, somewhat mysteriously.

"I see."

"I don't want Cold Ones for in-laws," says Billy, somewhat conspiratorially.

"I see."

"You know," he says, in what I think he thinks is a subtle manner, "They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"I can't cook." Why lie?

"You could have Sue cook something and then bring it over here and _pretend_ like you made it." Um. 'Kay. Is he being serious? Is he honestly trying to pimp out his son?

"Then I could have little Quileute grandchildren. That don't drink blood."

Okay, this is awkward. Beyond awkward. Borerline fawkward. Yes, it's a new word. "You'll have that anyway, with your daughters," I say. But honestly, why am I arguing with him? Must just be habit.

"But I could have more."

Okay, so he's greedy. Or maybe he just figures mini-JakeNessies would somehow like bring down the overall mix. Christmas would be hard. Little JakeNessies chomping their cousins. And Rebecca isn't even in the know. 'Dad, why do Jake's kids have that weird glow? Why do they keep going for the throat?' That wouldn't be good. Oh, god, especially if they had boy children. Venomous ones. I wonder what the venom would do to a wolf? Or the child of a wolf? (I care more about Paul's future kids being chomped than I do Paul. Paul's an idiot.)

"You know, male half-vampires are venomous," I tell Billy.

There's a half-second pause, and then all in a rush, he says, "Jake likes lasagna. And steak. How are you at steak? You know, he's not even that picky of an eater. I'm sure your cooking is fine and can you do fish? Jake likes fish. Hell, you could probably just buy something from the store and microwave it—"

"Billy," I say, in what I hope is my most Mission Impossible spy sounding voice, "I'm working on it."

"I'm in your corner," he says in an equally conspiratorial voice.

"And I don't think Jacob wants to marry Nessie, or anything," I tell him, hoping to allay the worst of his fears.

The front door opens and Mom and Charlie come. "Oh, hey, gotta go, Mom and Charlie are home," I whisper to Billy before I hang up as quickly as possible.

Mom looks at me in confusion. "Who were you talking to?"

"No one," I say.

"Hello, Leah," Charlie says, coming into the kitchen. "Um, I had a message on my answering machine this morning….. from Bells…. She asked me to tell you she wanted to see you?" Yeah, so Bella's been calling here a lot, and I've been 'forgetting' to answer the phone. Yay caller-ID! I don't want to talk to Bella. I will probably end up saying something really, _really_ bitchy to Bella and generally making things worse.

"Uh, yeah," I answer.

Mom has a sort of pained expression. She's on the Council and she knows about the shapeshifting, so she has to hate the leeches. It's a requirement to being on the Council. But one of the 'Cold Ones' is Charlie's daughter. Kinda makes it awkward. (or fawkward?) "Honey, maybe you should just go see her," she finally says.

Ugh. Bella could just like, send me a note. Or flowers or something. Flowers with a little "I'm sorry" note attached. Wait, what if she's expecting _me_ to apologize to _her_?

There must have been a time when my life wasn't this dramatic.

* * *

Neutral ground. One of the two coffee shops in Forks. We're having coffees. None of that fancy mocha javachip whipped cream Starbucks stuff. In Forks there's, you know, coffee. We might be close to Seattle physically, but not so much culturally.

Bella doesn't drink hers and instead is thinking about pouring it out into a potted plant near our table. I know this is her intention because she's eyeing the plant and the distance between us and the plant, and also the waitress, to see if she could do it without the woman noticing.

I just sigh and proceed to drink Bella's coffee, too.

"I'm sorry," she says. It's the first time either of us has spoken, outside of ordering. I am about to respond (must swallow coffee first) but she says, "Seriously. I panicked when Nessie, er, Renesmee was gone."

I shrug. "It's okay." I debate telling her if Scott went missing I'd flip out too, and decide it might not be wise to compare her daughter to my dog.

She sighs heavily. "I don't know what I'm going to do. My daughter is very special. And unique. I suppose all parents say that about their children," she laughs quietly, almost ironically (ironic laughter is good in my book. Yet I still hate Bella). "She told me she wanted to meet Nahuel and see if his venom would work on her, but now she is even more discouraged than ever. Nahuel is like her only because of his parentage. He doesn't have her gift, and her gift is something that makes her truly different."

What the hell? Why is Bella telling me this? Am I supposed to care? Is there a freaking sign over my head that says "Please, Bella, tell me your problems?"

But I promised my mom this morning that I'd be nice, so I don't say anything. Just bite my lip, nod, and have a sip. That's going to be my modus operandi for the rest of the conversation. Nod. Bite lip. Sip Coffee. Because I have a feeling we're just getting started.

"You know, Nahuel was at our house this whole time," she says. I do a Nod. Then Bite the Lip. "Well, not really our house. At the main house. Nessie stays with us, of course. Edward doesn't want them anywhere near each other. Except for Friday night, we were all over at the main house all night, still arguing, and she fell asleep there with Jacob. Did you know my sisters got him a dog bed?"

I Nod again and throw in a Coffee Sip to cover that I'm embarrassed, but fortunately she keeps talking. "So yeah, Nahuel's been over with us all this whole time, talking things over. Trying to understand what's going on with Nessie. Not that he really knows, either. But Carlisle got blood samples from him, and venom samples. He says he wants to study him, and Nessie, and he said Jake too. Anyway, Nahuel's leaving today. Edward and Nessie are taking him to SeaTac." She's talking a lot, and Bella never struck me as loquacious. She must be nervous.

"You know, you could just have him fly from Port Angeles to SeaTac," I say. Then Sip my Coffee.

"That's what I said. Edward said he wanted to be sure Nahuel was actually on a plane out of the country. He's not taking any chances. Oh, um, don't tell anyone I said that."

I Nod and Sip my Coffee. Well, her coffee. The waitress keeps refilling both our cups. Oh man, am I going to be wired. She's not saying anything. I guess that means I should speak. What should I say? Let's go with….

"Wait, so, vampires don't sleep, so why do you and Edward need your own house?"

And it's Bella's turn to look embarrassed. She doesn't blush, because she can't. But she looks mighty uncomfortable. "Um, you know, because we're married." Is it just me, or did her voice get suddenly much higher and more awkward.

Oh. Oh, I see. "Your in-laws got you an entire house just so you could have sex?"

She nods meekly.

"How do you not wake up Nessie?" I ask, genuinely curious. Not that I actually want to know _anything_ about Mr. and Mrs. Loveleechy in bed, but like, I have this problem, see, where sometimes I open my mouth and words come out and I can't stop them. It's always made me very popular.

"We're quiet. Sometimes we leave her at the main house. Anyway," she says, clearly trying to change the subject. The only problem is she doesn't know what to change it to. Then she alights on something. "Oh, Rosalie said that you said that you wanted to talk to Jake?"

I nod. And then I contemplate telling her that I'd like to do a little more than _talk_ to Jake. But then it hits me. And no, this isn't another one of my lame evasive maneuvers that I use to get out of doing something I don't want to do. It's not my place to tell Bella—it's Jacob's. She's _his_ best friend, and she's certainly not _my_ friend. So if Jake hasn't told her yet, then I shouldn't.

"He's over at the house. He dragged his dogbed into the forest, you know. I don't know what form he's been sleeping in, but he's pretty messed up about the Renesmee thing. You could come see him….It'd be a nice break from all the drama," she suggests.

Huh. So all this time I could have just wandered into the forest and found him on his dog bed? What the hell?

"Yeah, okay, whatever," I say, really, really excited actually to see Jacob. I've always been especially good at expressing my enthusiasm.

* * *

Bella drives me back in her Ferrari, the Ferrari that she clearly doesn't appreciate. I'm not like a car person or anything, but it's a freaking _Ferrari_. "Oh, it's raining," she says, sounding disappointed. Um, yes. This _is_ the Pacific Northwest. Next thing she'll be lamenting that the ocean is salty. "We'll have to walk up to the house in the rain," she says, as she parks the car in the massive garage.

"Um, are vampires made of sugar?" I ask, before I can stop myself. "Do you melt in the rain?"

And to her credit, she laughs. "No, I just really don't like rain."

"Good thing you live in Forks, then," I say.

She laughs again and nods.

As we enter the house, Rosalie and Alice are sitting on the main floor. They both say hi to me, and look at me curiously, wondering why I'm there, and showing up in the company of _Bella_ none the less.

"Leah wanted to see Jacob about something," Bella begins, "he hasn't been back to La Push since the other night." She says 'the other night' with a certain emphasis. I wonder if it will still be 'the other night' in twenty years.

"Oh, really?" Rosalie is asking, "Jacob is upstairs," she gives me a significant look.

"He left his dog bed in the rain, you know," says Alice, "we are going to have to have it dry cleaned."

"Maybe that was his plan," I say.

"Really? I thought he loved that thing. Good memories and all…" says Rosalie. I glare at her over Bella's shoulder.

"So, I'd go up with you to talk to him," Bella is saying, "but he's asleep, and you're probably much better at waking him up than I am. And also, you probably want to talk about pack stuff or secret shapeshifter business…"

I start for the stairs. It's kinda funny that the bloodsuckers feel comfortable letting two werewolves chill unsupervised in their house. "Second door on the left," calls Alice after me.

It's a different room than had the dog bed in it before. Even the door smells kind of funny, (I mean, the whole house reeks of leech, but this room smells slightly different). Oh. It's Nahuel's sent. Sort of like Nessie's, sort of different.

I stick my head in. There's a massive bed along one wall. This must have been the room they were letting Nahuel use while he was here. Except that now, Jacob's taking a nap in it. He's got his head in the upper-right corner and his feet in the lower-left. And yes, he's snoring. Really loudly. But for some reason, it's cute.

I just stand there for a second. God, he's so freakin' beautiful. It's a cliché to say that someone looks calm when they are sleeping, but he does. All the worries that have been plaguing him lately, about Nessie, about Nessie running off, and even before that, about Nessie and imprinting, seem lifted. Still, there's dark circles under his eyes. Poor boy. He's on his side, with his hair in his face. It's grown out to his shoulders, about an inch longer than mine.

I take a step toward him and then another. And I don't know why, but I kick off my shoes (beat-up sneakers, not the purple pumps) and climb onto the corner of the bed. "Jacob?" I say. He doesn't wake up. "Jake?" I put my hand on his side and try to shake him. He sort of makes a noise of protest but doesn't open his eyes.

I lean over his face and brush his hair back with my finger tips. I could just stare at him for ever. I hover over him and whisper, "Jacob?" and then I bite his ear very gently and start kissing his neck. This should wake him up.

It does. His eyes fly open and he grabs my waist. "Mmm, nice dream," he mutters and then drags me down next to him. I don't know how, but he's somehow pulled the covers over me. It's like being in a tent….

….a Sexy Jacob Love Tent.

Jacob seems to be pretty entertained kissing my neck and he's being _a lot_ bolder with his hands today. Absolutely no hesitation, just straight for my breasts. I grab a handful of his hair right next to the scalp and pull his mouth to mine. After we've been kissing for awhile, he pulls away and looks at me.

"Um. You're very realistic for Dream Leah," he says weakly.

"That's because I'm Real Leah," I tell him and then kiss him again. He looks down at his hand and starts to move it. I put mine on his to keep it there. "It's okay. You can touch me," I tell him.

He blushes. It's cute.

And then in a second he's shoving our bodies as close together as possible. "God, Leah, I need you," he whispers, and I realize that he's not (just) talking about sex. He sets me down and in his eyes I see all the worries and fears are back. I lean up and kiss his eyelids.

"Jacob, it will be alright," I say quietly.

"I missed you," he says quietly.

I know that the only reason we're here, together, with our bodies touching like this, is because Nessie's away, maybe even in Seattle. But I just want to comfort him. And myself, too. No one has ever comforted me this way.

He's just holding me now, trembling. I start petting his head, running my fingers through his hair. God, it's funny, because he's so big…laying on top of me, with his head buried in the crook of his neck. And I'm just running my hands over him.

But the way I was thinking of comforting him had less snuggling. I'm really temped to just take of my shirt and get his mind off all his little Alpha problems. But I really, really don't want Jacob to loose his virginity in the Cullens' house.

Even as I think this, I hear Rosalie down the hall. She's saying loudly, "Yes, Bella, okay, we can go upstairs if you really want to, but let's just go really slowly…"

I jump out of the bed and smooth my clothes. Jacob gets up more slowly, clearly exhausted. "Wait, did Blondie honestly just give us warning?"

I nod.

"You told her?"

I shrug. He looks upset that I divulged our make-out secrets to the blonde vamp. What can I say? It's a girl thing. "I'm going to the hall," I say.

"Yeah, be there in a bit," he says, blushing. I start to ask why he's not going now and then I look down. Oh. _Oh_.

And god, is it a good thing that they gave us warning, because I'd left the door open. Rosalie is walking down the hall toward me when I pop out of the door. She winks at me. Right behind her is Bella, obviously oblivious.

"Get your pack stuff straightened out?" Bella asks. I nod. She goes into a room farther down the hall. She opens the door and I can see an entire floor-to-ceiling wall of bookcases. Huh. I hear another door somewhere in the house open and shut—I wonder which of the leeches is home.

Rosalie and I are alone in the hall. She flashes me the thumbs-up and whispers, "I wanted you to stop moaning or whatever before Bella walked by and heard."

I smack her on the arm. She giggles. The door across from us, the one to Emmett and Rosalie's suite, opens. Emmett comes out into the hall. "Oh, hey, Lady Wolf."

Jacob comes out, clearly just having gotten himself under control. "Oh, it's Blondie. Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

"Is it better than the ones you've been telling me for the last six days straight?"

But they are interrupted by Emmett, whose face lit up the second Jake came into the hall. "Hey, Jacob, I got a present for you," he says, chuckling. (A chuckle being the male version of the giggle). Emmett disappears for a second and then comes back and throws Jacob, yes, the box of condoms.

Jake just sort of looks at it. And then looks at me. And then looks at Emmett. "Leah, please stop discussing details of your…of my… personal life with the leeches!"

"I didn't exactly tell Emmett anything."

"She told me _everything_," Emmett says, wiggling his eyebrows. I could just kill him.

Farther down the hall Jasper emerges, hurriedly. "Guys! Whatever the hell you're thinking about, stop it! Edward's just gotten home and he's _pissed_ about you for some reason.

And as soon as the words are out of Jasper's mouth, Edward appears at the top of the stairs.

"What's going on here?" Edward asks, sounding very suspicious.

"What do you mean?" asks Rosalie, the very picture of innocence.

"There is obviously something you don't want me to know about." He says, while I'm trying my hardest to think about Sam and how he broke my heart.

"Well, you and Em are thinking about, well, about sex, obviously, and Jazz…I'm not even going to touch that with a ten foot pole," says Edward, to which Jasper grins. (Remind me to thank the leeches later for their quick ability to cover me and Jake.) And then Edward looks at me, and his expression softens, and he says, "I'm sorry, Leah, I hope my brothers weren't upsetting you." His brow furrows. "Sorry. I thought…" He looks at Jacob. "I thought you had reverted, or something, to how you were before you imprinted. But now I get that you were all just trying to protect Leah."

He takes a step toward me. "I'm sorry, you know, that I hear your thoughts. I don't want to invade people's privacy. And I will never think less of you because you still love Sam." He turns to Jacob, then, "But seriously, get a better strategy for blocking out thoughts. The sex thing is so overplayed by Emmett already."

And it almost works. We almost manage to convince Edward. But something about the idea that I'm still in love with Sam (which I was just thinking as my mental shield) gets under Jacob's skin. It shouldn't. He should know better. But he's exhausted and upset already and so…

I'm guessing he is remembering what happened between us, looking for signs that I was imagining Sam's body above mine, and not his. Because Edward snaps his attention back to Jacob. And glares at him.

"Stop it!" Edward demands. And Jacob realizes what Edward has just seen and he throws up his hands.

"It's not like that," he stammers.

"I thought you'd imprinted on my daughter? I thought you didn't think about sex anymore! And the least you could do is leave Leah out of your twisted little fantasies!"

I don't know what Jacob's thinking, but I know what I'm thinking, and what I am thinking is that they probably aren't fantasies. They've probably happened.

Edward's mouth falls open. And then, for the first time, he looks at what Jacob is clutching. Emmett's box of condoms.

"Oh!" says Edward. There's a pause. Jacob's probably mentally explaining that particular piece of evidence. And that all we've done is make out. "Okay, I've got it! You made out! Stop thinking about it! I really, really don't want to know what Leah tastes like!"

"Damn!" shouts Emmett and high-fives Jacob. "You move fast, boy!"

"Edward means kissing," I say quickly.

"Oh. Well, I want my high-five back," Emmett says to Jacob.

Edward, meanwhile, is glaring at Jacob, "Bella and I didn't kiss like that until we were engaged!" He says it really huffily too. It would be funny if he didn't look like he's about to rip Jacob's throat out.

Emmett steps forward toward Edward and sort of manhandles him toward the stairs. "Okay, Edward, let's just go down here and you can read Proust or play the piano…" and he literally picks Edward up and carries him downstairs.

"Why were you thinking about Sam?" Rosalie asks as soon as Edward's gone.

I roll my eyes at her, "The same reason you and your husband were thinking about sex. I do it when we're in wolf form too, to block out other thoughts—I mean, lately. Obviously I used to think about Sam for actual reasons," I turn to Jacob and tell him, "and _you_ should know that that's only a cover. Okay?"

"Of all the people I thought would freak out about you guys, Edward's not one of them." says Rosalie thoughtfully. Jasper nods—he's come all the way out of the room and into the hall.

Jacob moves out from behind me and leans against the wall. He sighs and begins to explain, "before Edward and Bella got married, when I really _really_ liked her, couldn't help but think about her, and stuff, a lot. Anyway, it sort of drove Edward crazy, but I guess I wasn't the only guy doing it. When I imprinted on Nessie, I….couldn't think about, you know, kissing—

"—sex," interjects Rosalie.

"So Edward was really impressed that I didn't think about what would happen when Nessie is all grown up. But it's because I _can't_. And anyway, That's more than gross, it's illegal."

"So Edward is upset that you, his possible future son-in-law, still thinks about sex?"

Jacob nods. "But I wish everyone would stop acting like I don't have a choice about marrying her." We hear a crashing noise at the bottom of the stairs and then Edward appears in the hallway. He seems to have eluded his captor. "Okay. Okay, you two have my blessing," he says to me and Jacob. "If that's the sort of man you are, thinking about women other than your soulmate, I don't want you with my daughter."

Edward's really annoying me right now. Acting like making out is a sin. Jake imprinted on a fetus, for crying out loud. Edward looks at me and answers my thoughts, "Jacob should have more respect for your virtue."

"My _virtue_?"

"If he is going to pursue those kinds of activities with you, he should marry you."

"Oh, my god, Edward, do you hear yourself?" I say, loudly. "It's second freaking base. _Boobs_. _Do. Not. Equal. Marriage!"_ And of course it is then that Carlisle and Bella emerge from the library room. Carlisle blinks.

"Good afternoon, Miss Clearwater."

"Hi, Dr. Cullen."

Then he notices the condom box in Jacob's hand and says, "Well, that explains the venereal disease conversation. I'm still trying to figure out the dead strippers. Is everything alright here, kids?"

Edward turns to his father and tries to explain, but Jacob cuts him off. "Edward, maybe you and I should just go for a walk?" Edward nods reluctantly and they head downstairs. Jacob smiles at me over his shoulder.

Farther down the hall, Alice sticks her head out of a door. "What just happened? What did I miss?"

* * *

I leave. Because it isn't my place to stay and explain things to anyone. Rosalie already knows what's going on, and Alice, Jasper and Emmett, too. And I don't care what they tell their family.

And Jacob doesn't call me that night. I guess he's busy explaining things to Edward. I wonder if he tells Bella, and what he says. I try to sleep, but I can't. So in the very early hours of morning, I leave my house. Maybe running around the Cascades will clear my mind.

But Jacob is standing there, outside my house, in human form. He startles when he sees me. "How'd you know I was out here?"

"I didn't."

"Oh," he says, and there's an awkward pause. "Um, Leah…I wanted to say goodbye to you before I left."

What? Of course, Edward talked him out of this. God _damn _I really hate my life sometimes. Stupid men, just as soon as you think you've found one—

"I just need some time…to think…" he says, that tired old male cliché.

"Just break up with me already," I spit with as much anger as I can muster on very little sleep. But he takes a step toward me and puts his arms on my shoulders.

"First off, does that mean we're dating? Second off, I'm not breaking up with you, Leah. I'm going to Canada. And it's _not_ to get away from you, it's to get away from Nessie," he says it gently, like I might bolt.

"Did Edward put you up to this?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "No. You're the first person I've told. And I meant what I said last month about how jealous I was that you could just leave. So I'm finally making a decision."

I hear what he's saying, but I don't want him to. "Did you borrow Edward's Play Book and get to the chapter called 'leave the girl?'"

"Leah, I'm _not _Edward. And you are most certainly not Bella."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you aren't going to fall apart and do tons of stupid shit to get my attention while I'm gone. I need to do this. Leah… I _want_ to be with you. But I need to figure out what's going on with this imprint thing. I need to get away from Nessie for awhile. It will do us both good—her and me, I mean. It's too…co-dependent. I need to find Jacob again, the person I was before I imprinted, and the person I can still almost be when she's not standing right in front of me."

"And you think you are going to 'Find Jacob' in Canada? You think he's hiding under a rock up there?"

He just sighs and pets my arms. "This is going to be hardest thing I've ever done. To leave behind an imprint, well, it's supposed to be excruciating agony. Like being cut into pieces by glass shards. But if it doesn't kill me, then maybe when I come home I'll know what the hell is going on with me." He takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. It's hard for me not to break eye contact, but I don't. "When I come back, I want do deserve you. I want to make love to you, and I want you to know that you have _me_ and not just the pieces of Jacob that Nessie hasn't claimed yet."

"We could make love now, before you go," I say, and I mean it almost as a joke. I make snide comments when I can't deal with emotion. Again, another trait that's made me very popular in the past. But it's not entirely a joke, because I feel like if I wrap my legs and arms around this boy, this _man_, then maybe everything will be alright.

"If we made love now then I'd never leave." He smiles at me almost sadly and then leans forward and kisses me. It's I who breaks it.

"Jake, you're coming back, right?" I ask, my voice betraying emotion that I don't want him to hear.

"Sure, sure," he says, and then realizes I need a better answer. "Yes. I am. But while I'm gone, you're in charge of the Pack." He pauses, and then adds, "and check in on Nessie every once in a while for me, okay? Remind her that I meant everything I said when I gave her the promise bracelet."

"What? Jacob, imprints are nontransferable."

"I know. But I think she needs you right now more than she needs me. "I don't have time to wonder what that means, because he reaches into his pocket and pulls out two slightly crumpled envelopes. "And give this to her, okay? And there's one for Bella."

He hands me the letters and I look at them. "What, I don't get a letter?" I ask.

"No. But you get _me_. Notice I'm not saying goodbye to anyone else."

And then we kiss. It's somewhere between the gentle kisses he gave me last week after Bella interrupted us and the rough, hungry kisses of… well, the rest of the time. Our tongues press together and oh god I don't want him to leave.

But eventually we stop kissing. And he pulls away. "Leah, I'm sorry…If I don't leave now, I won't be able to." Before he disappears into the early morning mist, he turns back and says, "Be a good beta-Alpha for me, Tiny," and then he's gone. And somewhere out there the largest Russet wolf ever to walk the earth is running.

* * *

When I get to the Cullens' on this most detested of errands, Nessie's already waiting for me on the lawn. Wordlessly I hand her the letter. She just looks at the envelope and looks at me.

"In many of the books I've read, men often explain themselves through letters. I thought it was merely a literary device."

Her mother comes out of the main house and sees me there. I hand her the other letter and she starts to ask me thousands of questions. But I'm not paying attention to Bella, because Nessie is looking at me. And then she says, in her tiny voice, far too mature for her, "Do you love him, Leah Clearater?"

I say nothing, but she holds her hands to me and I let the pictures wash over me.

I'm not sure how long we stand there like that, with the fog condensing all around us. But at some point, the others have come out of the house, and Bella's read her letter and wants to talk to me. I look over Nessie's head and see Jasper.

"Nessie, honey, Leah needs to go right now, but she'll be back later to talk to you, okay?" Jasper says quietly. My eyes meet his and he mouths one word to me, "go."

So I do. Bella tries to stop me, but Jasper says something to her and just like that, I'm gone, too, and echoing through the fog I hear, "you were wild here, once." But it could just be my imagination.

* * *

The morning fog has burned off, or at least it's not here this high up. I'm in that special place in the woods on the mountain where I used to go to not think about Sam (Okay, to wallow in self-pity about Sam). The place where I kissed Jacob after the wedding.

Without the fog, it's actually sunny up here. Honest to god sun.

I stay in wolf form, because this time, there are no tears I need to let fall. It's strange, but I'm…not sad. Not angry. Happy? Maybe.

Up here, all I can see as far as I look is sun hitting fur trees on mountain after mountain.

So I sit for awhile, basking in the endless daylight.

* * *

AN: Yup, I put up the whole giant chapter at once instead of splitting it! So if you aren't dead yet, then yay!

You may have noticed that this fanfic is now listed as "complete." I know what you are thinking—but it's not over! Jacob and Leah haven't fully gotten together! Yes, I know. But this fanfic is Leah's story. The next part of this story is Leah's and Jacob's and Nessie's, and yes, I've already started writing it. I thought about making it one giant fic, but I sort of wanted to keep the length down (it's a little too late for that, I know. But a long fic with one story arc is okay, but with two story arcs is getting a little silly).

Sometime around Chapter 3 of this fanfic, I started wondering about things that would happen after this part of the story, and some of the scenes are so firmly etched in my mind that I _must _write them.

It's going to center on questions like: what would happen if Nessie started school? (Yeah, I know there are a lot of those out there, but mine will be a) Blackwater and b)narrated by Leah and c) not about Nessie's high school drama.) Even more importantly, what are the other wolves, especially Sam's pack, going to think about Leah and Jacob? There's going to be a lot more happening at La Push, and more Wolf Drama than you can imagine. And yes, it will deal with what exactly is going on with Nessie with the biting thing, and with Alice being able to see her and many other things besides.

And this is my promise: The first chapter will involve the Return of Jacob. None of that _New Moon _stuff.

So I'll be putting up the sequel as soon as possible. If you're interested, check it out. I'm considering "Red Sky at Morning" as a possible title.

So please, please review! I love reviews! Reviews make me happy! Reviews will help inspire me to put up Part II asap. And thank you, seriously, thank you, to everyone who has reviewed so far. I love you. You warmed my little Blackwater heart!


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